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There was this older long term substitute I had in late elementary for a few weeks who was very anti bathroom and would deny permission. This was an awakening for me, when denied I simply got out of my chair and walked to the bathroom. They aren't going to physically prevent me from doing so and the only way the school could do anything in response was tell my parents who would say I was correct to do what I did. Detention? Just don't go. Suspension? Fucking day off. This lifted a weight off me that has stayed off me since. I'm a reasonable dude with a pretty exemplary moral bearing and if I see a rule as capricious or arbitrary I feel very confident in ignoring it if the consequences or more or less null. Measured assertiveness rules, people can ask me to do things but no one can tell me to do things.
Damn, my parents would take the side of the school and hit me. What the hell is up with parenting standards?
EDIT: I did not grow up to be a healthy person regarding assertiveness. I can barely ask people for things, I can mostly express needs and hope that other people address them. Asking feels too aggressive for me, which is unfortunate.
EDIT 2: changed only to mostly, I sometimes ask for things
My parents were and are pretty fucking awesome parents and just absolutely good people. They just didn't patronize me, I was allowed to 'talk back' and stuff and they'd yknow bother to explain stuff though on occasion of course there was a 'just do the fucking thing, doing shit that makes no sense is part of life and this is one' and retrospectively it was something my parents were socially on the hook for as well. And they weren't hippie although parenting guys or anything, I'm 2 generations removed from sharecrop farmers on both sides and I don't think anyone in my family has gone to college, my family is like if the Sobotka's in The Wire had their apolitical predilections set on soc dem, just good fucking union people. They returned hogwaets legacy which they wre gonna get my little cousin (once removed) who's mom is a Harry Potter adult when i told them about Rowling cause even though they'll only take the most convenient stands, they're not giving their 12 year old niece a game that gives jk Rowling money cause it's a bad example to set for children.
Edit: also my grandfather on my dad's side was fire chief for the region when women were finally allowed to be firefighters and he was merciless to those who opposed it or felt discomfort working with women. He also previously set up a system of mutual aide between rural fire departments so if there was a big fire several towns in the area could be dispatched. He also worked with cops but he was born in 39 and would consider it in the same line of community spirit. They're libs but like New Deal/Great Society type liva of yesteryear who now count as demsocs
Comparatively, my parents saw what British boarding schools in the 30s were doing and saw that as a model for how to raise quiet obedient children who did ok academically and didn't have visible bruises. But then complained about our mental health problems constantly and asked why we weren't ambitious confident go-getters climbing corporate ladders. A lifetime of therapy isn't enough.
EDIT: To be clear, my parents were the ones complaining about the mental health of their kids. We were not complaining about this, we were just trying to survive with the tools given to us.
Of course, look at how the British adults ofnthe 40s and 50s turned out. Clearly ideal.