this post was submitted on 22 Apr 2024
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talking about the dead name, male persona i have to put on at work now like it's a D&D character
Omg yeah I been doing this for the last year but really in earnest the last 6 months (for me at least, it didn't get hard until I started to be out in my regular life).
In general what's the dress code like where you work? At my work they don't gaf about what I wear for the most part. What I did is I got a few hoodies (they sell women's hoodies at H&M that frankly look very gender neutral but are very slightly fem).
I wear men's jeans but they are very gender neutral. I could easily wear some mom jeans, these pants just work for me.
Then I wear docs. Docs are great because they are very lez and comfy and they also are super super gender neutral leaning femme.
As for my hair, sometimes I wear it in a fem bun like this with curly strands off the front https://images.app.goo.gl/LcoF48pfqwV22og66 or other times just all down.
All of this is very gender neutral but also keeps my mental from going too crazy. I can still see myself in the mirror. Sometimes I get some stares and double takes (especially with my hair up) which is pretty cool but overall nobody has made any mention to me and they still all gender me male (blegh).
It's food service, which means that everyone wears the same very gender neutral uniform, which sucks. I'm also probably just going to quit and move on as soon as I feel like I can present femme in a full time job environment though, so this job is just temporary for me
Yeah that sucks I'm sorry. But yeah it will be nice to quit when you're ready and just be femme all the time :3
What class
Sad
I also feel like a lot of my interactions are me putting on a show. It's fun, like a puzzle, read peoples expectations, and play with them. Redirect attention to things I don't mind, instead of actually personal stuff. I have built a good character, was fun to incorporate, but it's probably not the ideal way to relate to the world. And it didn't make me happy, because I myself didn't actually self actualize.