I’m now two and a half weeks post-op. Had my first exam today and everything’s healing very well. Still sore and still can’t really get around, but I’m definitely doing better.

Bottom surgery has done me more good than anything I have ever done in my life. The chaotic background noise that's been in my life since forever is finally gone. I feel truly at peace. I can sleep just because. And I'm simply the happiest I've ever been in my life. I smile all the time and I’m more confident in myself. I knew I needed this surgery badly, but I didn’t realize til afterwards how severe my bottom dysphoria was. And now, I’ve taken the biggest step down my personal path of transition and I’m closer than ever to being the real me. Gods I never thought I’d be here. I’m so happy ;w;

cleaned out from under my bed, threw out more bags of trash, one more day lived as a trans girl, on more day closer to HRT. the road is so very long but I'm walking it and getting just a tiny bit closer

god i have to get off reddit. i keep looking at trans femme fashion and transition timelines and it's all these stunningly well passing women who claim shit like "oh yeah this was like 1.5 years hrt" or something, this is only filling my head with bad ideas.

fuck, i got to meet real trans people outside and i don't even really know where to start, honestly

Got catcalled for the first time the other night, pretty shitty ngl. If you expect it to feel euphoric it really doesn't, it was more along the lines of 'oh, I have to deal with this shit now.'

Otherwise dealing with the usual spring-special of seasonal depression making my dysphoria worse. At least it's not as bad as last year's now that I'm on HRT.

On one side, I want to leave to a western country so I can transition safely, on the other side I kind of don't want to deal with the bullshit of western countries, my degree won't be recognized, the money I had before would be worthless, I don't get benefits of being born there, I lose the benefits I have, I might be dependent on some organization and worst of all it's not like the country would be pro-trans forever, they could just turn around and make it shit for trans people too.

So after getting banned from the liberal sapphic book server for being "rude" to someone who identifies with settler-colonialism, (canadian nationalism is a disease) (oh look they tone policed a trans woman! big shock there!) I joined three new ones. 2/3 are kind of dead, like all places to discuss books with gays in, but maybe I can post hard and get them going again? And also I won't have to say 'another kkkracker down' to anybody?

It's kinda sad that I have way better results just yelling into Hexbear, quality userbase <3

2nd puberty has me feeling all kinds of weird lol

Hi everyone, I'm gonna be for a while.

This last month I've done a lot of introspection and exploration. It's been good, but the constant focus on my inner world has interacted with my anxiety in a bad way. I need to refocus some things (been hyper focused on gender) and remember that I'm myself first before whatever my gender identity is.

See you all soon! Miss you already

Voice seems to be passing better on the phone with the therapy things I've been trying, or I've run into less 'no you're not' sorts by pure luck. I hope this continues either way.

When I was a kid I always wanted to be part of the boys group, but it happened more than once that those boys saw my eagerness to hang out with them and they used that to violate me.

:::

I’d really like to talk with a professional about this while I transition but the only option to transition for me is if I pay it myself and with as little appointments as possible because there’s way too much demand for transgender healthcare. So I’m scared to make the decision to start hrt because I won’t have anyone to guide me through it.

face is smooth

Count down until I have to shave again

It seems very obvious now, and is probably obvious to all you lovely people, but I hadn't thought about a strong aversion to mirrors being a sign of being trans. I have hated mirrors/pictures of myself for as long as I can remember, sometimes neglecting hygiene because of it tbh. I know most people aren't like a huge fan but fuck do I hate it. And apparently so do a lot of transpeople

It's crazy how variable pronoun usage of any kind is once you start paying attention to it. Like, you'd think a fairly consistent percentage of the words of any conversation would be pronouns, but a lot of the time it's either a drought or a downpour.

Anyway for like a month my friends have just naturally not used my pronouns, and my family has been misgendering me like crazy, and I am gritting my teeth waiting for it to start swinging the other way.

I keep having dysphoria revelations today and I don’t like this

hope y'all are having a good week

Yes, yes I am late, or am I just on time?

Today I found out that I pass, from behind. People perceive me as a women, and then, sadly, apologize when I turn around. At least it is a flattering assesment of my haircare skills.

trip report from shopping for fun girl clothes at H&M:

No, no, no, no, no, looks cute but they only have medium and small in stock, no, no, no, no, looks cute but they only have medium and small in stock, no, no, no, no, looks cute but they only have medium and small in stock, no, no, no, no, looks cute but they only have medium and small in stock, no, no, no, no, looks cute but they only have medium and small in stock, no, no, no, no, looks cute but they only have medium and small in stock, no, no, no, no, looks cute but they only have medium and small in stock, no, no, no, no, looks cute but they only have medium and small in stock, no, no, no, no, looks cute but they only have medium and small in stock, no, no, no, no, looks cute but they only have medium and small in stock, no, no, no, no, looks cute but they only have medium and small in stock, no, no, no, no, looks cute but they only have medium and small in stock, no, no, no, no, your coworker from the other department, no, no, OH FUCK, YOUR COWORKER??? ABORT NOW

Join the trans militia today, and you too can help liquidate the cishet menace and defeat the cishet patriarchy forever!

My son's bringing a boy home tomorrow. I think I'll try to be as cringe as possible, like a normal dad.

Current plan: play Factorio on the living room TV, and say, "Hey buddy! Wanna come play choo-choo trains with me?!?"

e: Yes, I am aware that this is not the Trains Megathread. I learned my lesson last time.

had a quick scare about running out of hrt, but that has been solved and i will not be running out. aside from a few extremely dysphoric moments over the last week, i've been relatively pleased with my hrt progress so far! hips are noticeably larger than usual, skin is looking so much clearer, my hair is looking a lot healthier, and i just generally think i look more feminine. unfortunately still getting misgendered all the time though, so its hard to stay excited.

down with cis

I had a dream last night that I got bottom surgery, it was a really good dream except for the fact that I couldn’t find anywhere that would let me pee. Waking up at 2am only to come to the realization that it was just a dream and that I’m stuck with this thing for years was very

Favors called in, strings pulled, I got a friend of a friend asking around to get me some E so I don't have to wait 2 months for an appointmemt

alright, look i need to figure a passable excuse to justify buying a pair of cat ears

Whenever I am feeling down I end up searching AO3 for fics about YA novels, but the main character is trans.

I even did that before I realized that I was trans. Like, the most cis habit to have, comfort reading trans fanfic. I once met some trans people irl as an egg, and they were very kind to me. I must have been quite obvious

How does one convince themselves to be happy with being trans? Because I hate this shit and I have no idea what to do

How do I change my own opinion authentically?

talking about the dead name, male persona i have to put on at work now like it's a D&D character

I'm very afraid of changing my presentation because I'm afraid other people won't like it. Which I know is stupid but I really want to avoid that. When I have changed things in the past I've always felt like I needed a big justification and a big build up to actually doing it.

I wanna dye my hair white. I've wanted to for years but have been afraid of other people not liking it. Why must I rely on other people for validation why am I like this

hi comrades:)

never catch the threads this early normally. i hope you're all doing ok, i'm drinking a tasty espresso and trying to have a peaceful start to my day because i've been dysregulated af recently.

i've been tuning in to the LGR Bird Feed a very relaxing bird feeder + nest cam stream setup by a nerd type youtuber i like.

i have a bunch of work to do in the next week and a bit planning a big move to another country with my gfs. it's very scary and stressful but we think our lives will improve a lot if we pull it off:)

I love trans women :)

I bought a skirt and thigh high socks. Wtf am I doing

my dysphoria feels like one of those fire risk needle signs where it keep fluctuating between "nah you're good" and "i might kill someone if it would get me estrogen a day sooner". unfortunately, today is one of the bad days

Finally got a call back from the informed consent Dr. I sent in my information 6 weeks ago and almost completely forgot about it. My appointment is 2 months away and I'm kinda freaking out about it. Things are getting real and it's exciting and scary all at once.

It’s weird because I’ve known I was trans for several years now yet I still feel like I’m discovering things about myself. Like I just had the realization that I generally try to spend as little time in front of the mirror as possible (outside of the times I’m trying to do some fashion stuff) and when I do look in the mirror I very often feel like I’m looking at a stranger. I don’t dislike how this stranger looks nor do I have any visceral reaction towards them but they aren’t exactly me. I feel like I generally don’t think much about this sense of depersonalization because I unconsciously spend a lot of energy trying to bury it, hence why I just realized that I’m not a fan of mirrors. There seems to be this engine that runs in my brain that constantly works to shield me from feeling acutely dysphoric, which on the one hand I appreciate but on the other hand it probably has burned a ton of calories on essentially nothing productive haha.

shreds an AK47 in a way that makes both gun and guitar nerds equally mad

Can someone please help me deal with some of my ? This is kind of embarrassing to post so please try not to judge me. I'm trying to do better

I am incredibly jealous of women doing those like "tik tok" dances with all the fancy footwork. I wish I was cute, skilled, and having a good time :sicko-wistful: I keep watching this same video and it's just mesmerizing. I want to be her.