Hope it was a great week everyone. Hopefully this one is even better. 
this post was submitted on 20 May 2024
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I've been reading through trans reddit and
Holy fuck I wonder how different things would be if I grew up differently. Would I have realized in time? Would I have gone through male puberty? I'm so sad right now at the thought. I can barely type this out. Things could have been different. I'd have a better voice. I wouldn't be this disgusting over grown man. I'd have gotten to be a young woman. I'd look good right now. Maybe I'd even be dating someone. I could be living my best life. What would that depression as a teen have looked like? Did my gender have more of an effect on it then I ever would have thought at the time? Would I be beautiful right now? It just hurts so much.
dysphoria/puberty/sad posting
If nothing else maybe my head wouldn't be full of worms about being trans.
Also, please don't response with "you shouldn't think about what ifs" or something like that. I'm grieving.
After i cracked, i went through a grieving phase for the girl i hadn't been allowed to be and after that another grieving phase for pre-transition me, a cringe but genuinely nice person that couldn't live on any longer. It's part of the process i guess. It's normal to feel like that for a while and accepting these feelings as legitimate and living through them is part of moving beyond them at some point.