this post was submitted on 23 May 2024
440 points (97.8% liked)

The Onion

4548 readers
768 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
seahorse@midwest.social
pbrisgreat@midwest.social
440
‘It's Important to Celebrate Your Accomplishments,' Says Woman Looking for Any Excuse to Buy a Cheesecake (reductress.com)
submitted 6 months ago by ZeroCool@vger.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
24 comments fedilink hide all child comments
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 67 points 6 months ago (10 children)

I would definitely not recommend doing what I did, which is learning how to make literally the best cheesecake everyone who's tried it has ever eaten.

I make sure not to have the ingredients in the house or I'd probably eat one a week.

It's a real problem.

[–] owenfromcanada@lemmy.world 51 points 6 months ago (2 children)
[–] altima_neo@lemmy.zip 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Thankfully, bacon makes a fucking mes and stinks up the house for days. The cleanup alone keeps me from cooking it whenever.

[–] insufferableninja@lemdro.id 1 points 6 months ago

do you not know about cooking it in a microwave on some paper towels?

[–] eatthecake@lemmy.world 1 points 6 months ago

And now i want a maple bacon cheesecake.

[–] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 15 points 6 months ago (1 children)

That does sound like a problem. You really should be eating two or more per week.

[–] Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 7 points 6 months ago

You make a good point

[–] BarrelAgedBoredom@lemm.ee 13 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I lack the ability to learn from other people's mistakes. Please ruin my life and drop the recipe

[–] Jackcooper@lemmy.world 7 points 6 months ago

Due to late night dumbs, I thought you were asking the guy posting the graph about making bacon for the recipe

[–] CaptainEffort@sh.itjust.works 13 points 6 months ago

My dad did the same with keylime pie. Like literally he had a serious Chef try it and the guy said it was the best he’s ever had.

The issue? My dad’s a binge eater and couldn’t stop himself from making it constantly. I have the same problem so I’ve actively avoided learning the recipe.

[–] RadicalCandour@startrek.website 10 points 6 months ago

You.. uhh.. got any recipes you might wanna share my friend?

[–] asdfasdfasdf@lemmy.world 8 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

Good advice. What's the recipe? So I know how to avoid doing that. There are so many.

[–] Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 17 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

It's from Alton Brown's cookbook "I'm Just Here for More Food." He's got a similar recipe online which I find highly irresponsible.

Also, do not ever try to experiment with it and make a savory salmon and dill cheesecake. Yes, it's the perfect appetizer for a garden party but my god you will not be able to stop.

[–] zib@kbin.melroy.org 6 points 6 months ago

I have the same problem with rum cake. I'm glad it takes too much effort to make for my average day or I'd be eating them all the time.

[–] Melkath@kbin.social 5 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Sounds like me when I learned how to make delicious pizzas and killer calzones from scratch.

[–] turtlepower@lemm.ee 4 points 6 months ago

Ben Wyatt is that you?

[–] Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 2 points 6 months ago

Hi lets all remember this persons username and tempt them into making cheesecakes all the time.

[–] Annoyed_Crabby@monyet.cc 1 points 6 months ago

As someone who ventured into being a chocolatier, i can feel that. The desire to make something is really strong, but then my laziness and fatigue has been helping me control that desire.