this post was submitted on 31 May 2024
62 points (100.0% liked)

chat

8455 readers
180 users here now

Chat is a text only community for casual conversation, please keep shitposting to the absolute minimum. This is intended to be a separate space from c/chapotraphouse or the daily megathread. Chat does this by being a long-form community where topics will remain from day to day unlike the megathread, and it is distinct from c/chapotraphouse in that we ask you to engage in this community in a genuine way. Please keep shitposting, bits, and irony to a minimum.

As with all communities posts need to abide by the code of conduct, additionally moderators will remove any posts or comments deemed to be inappropriate.

Thank you and happy chatting!

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
 

[CW: Fetishization on the Basis of Identity (Race, Transness, Etc.)]I'm mainly talking about this in the context of race, but it applies to other categories such as trans people as well. My main issue with this is that this type of openness to accepting fetishization on the basis of identity enables toxic tendencies.

What I mean is that, for example, I'll sometimes see black men play into disturbing tropes like the "BBC" shit and this idea that they can tie their race into the notion of being some kind of sex god. And it's worse when you get white women who unironically identify as "snow bunnies" as a way to entertain this trope (which is just racist), and these black men who don't realize the problem with this will eat it up.

This isn't pleasant; it's just dehumanizing. This isn't just a problem for straight people either. Gay men, for instance, can have this toxic shit going on too. I understand that, especially when you're a part of a marginalized group, it can seem tempting to celebrate what seems to translate to you being a desirable person, even if it's on the basis of a creepy fetish, but that will ultimately do more harm than good.

I just hope these people come to realize that they're not taken as being a desirable "person" in these circumstances, but rather, a desirable object. These fetishists do not care about their humanity, and it is, first and foremost, their fault that this is a problem to begin with.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] Othello@hexbear.net 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

No one is making you use aave if you hate it.

[–] Lenins_Cat_Reincarnated@hexbear.net 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sorry I wasn’t aware of the origin of that phrase and I removed the comment.

[–] Othello@hexbear.net 3 points 1 year ago
[–] waluigiblunts@hexbear.net 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Did you respond to the wrong comment?

[–] Erika3sis@hexbear.net 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Othello is referring to Lenin's Cat calling "pick me" an "awful term" — the term "pick me" originated in AAVE, as do probably way more words and phrases than you're consciously aware of. AAVE words and phrases start getting used by whites, this leads to semantic shift as the words are used outside of their original context and purpose, and this in turn leads to the actual histories of these words becoming completely forgotten by whites.

Frankly, I had never given a moment's thought as to who exactly might've first coined the term "pick me", so literally as I'm writing this I'm becoming aware of the term's actual history.

[–] waluigiblunts@hexbear.net 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I also was never aware that the term "pick me" originated in AAVE. That's something new I learned today.

[–] Othello@hexbear.net 14 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

You may also like to know that the above definition is the appropriateated one. Pick me originally had nothing to do with Marginalized people. It was exclusively a term for women who enjoyed shitting on other women in a public setting, because she thought it would make her more attractive to men. For example, a woman who constantly talks about how She shaves every single day because body hair is absolutely horrible and disgusting, Like constantly and only in front of men. That’s a pick me. And then white people decided to steal the word and make it about marginalized groups. It’s really not that deep. It’s just about annoying girls in your friend group. Obviously definitions and words can change and grow, but it’s extremely annoying to see people shit on a word that’s been stolen from Black people And then actively offer the incorrect annoying definition to people Actively furthering the problem. It’s just so brazenly ignorant. If you don’t like using a term, you don’t actually have to use it.

[–] Beetle_O_Rourke@hexbear.net 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Unless you simply are not around Black people I guess.

i was the only black kid in my school and there was an assembly where they announced the banning of bandanas and durags

so excited to leave this suburban hellscape

[–] Othello@hexbear.net 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh yeah, I edited that out because I figured crackers might get upset. But yeah, The suburbs are like a freaky alternate dimension.

[–] waluigiblunts@hexbear.net 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I was only aware of the original meaning of the word (women who shit on other women to try to be more attractive to men). I'm not American, so that probably explains why I didn't know it originated in AAVE. Thanks for the history! Personally I disagree with Lenin's Cat that 'pick me' is an awful term. It's a very self-descriptive term that gets the concept across very easily - more words in the English language should be like it.

[–] Othello@hexbear.net 8 points 1 year ago

That’s fair, also, that means you had the correct definition in mind already so that’s good actually!

[–] infuziSporg@hexbear.net 8 points 1 year ago

astronaut-2 Wait, it's all AAVE?

[–] Othello@hexbear.net 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Thank you for explaining to them. I assumed it would be obvious which word I was referring to and why, if not by knowing pick mes origin but at the very least context clues. Also, that is not the correct definition of pick me. That is the appropriated definition. Regardless, it’s extremely ignorant to call it a stupid term when you don’t even know what the word means.

[–] Erika3sis@hexbear.net 7 points 1 year ago

Yeah, I was going to ask how you'd define "pick me" yourself, but I see you've already done that in other comments. When trying to look up the original meaning of "pick me" I was met with some amount of contradiction, so I wasn't sure what to think.

But yeah, we have already a myriad terms for "appealing to the fantasies/expectations of the oppressor", so the only upside of using "pick me" with that meaning is how evocative it is of specifically putting others down for one's own sake... And yeah, it's not inherently a bad thing for a word to be used only for its evocation, for a word to spread and change meaning — but it becomes a bad thing when the context of this exchange is one of inequality between groups.

[–] Othello@hexbear.net 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

No, It’s the exact same, same as when people complain about the word woke on here.