site's back, time to party 
this post was submitted on 08 Jul 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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stupid bs
I think I finally decided that I really truly do not wanna touch grass anymore. Sure people are cool, I like them, and it's fun being A Gender™ outside, but I actually cannot handle the stress anymore. Let me stay inside and talk to the queer people inside my computer. Everytime I go outside it's a fucking expedition with required gear and terrible sensory problems and just, eeeehehehhrhgghhghgghhIt's fucking stupid because nothing bad even happened today and I'm still exhausted. I give, I don't have the energy to be outside, I'm exhausted and I give up. Do not make me leave my dumb little nest please
Sometimes I wish I felt at all fulfilled with online interactions but I just don't. I've never been able to make lasting connections online.
I go out quite a bit just to keep from going stir crazy in my apartment, with some success, but it is stressful spending that whole time masking and performing A Gender (derogatory), and I don't have a lot to show for it...
Some acquaintances at places I'm a regular at, some nice memories with friends, a burning hole in my wallet, and a lot of lost free time that could have been used for self care (but wouldn't have either way so I guess there's no real loss there). It helps my mental health for sure, but only to a point.
This fucks, I am gonna use this going forward. But yeah that's sort of what I feel too, would be nice to know people irl but, the fucking strain holy shit. I guess to me I consider it more harmful than helpful to my mental health...
moooood. I became allergic to the sun because of daily migraines so I no longer understand the appeal of going outside (booo hssssss)
The sun smiles at you with eternal malice...