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Kristi Noem Saves Face by Claiming Dog She Shot Was Infected with Woke Mind Virus (thehardtimes.net)

submitted 7 months ago by Nero@sopuli.xyz to c/theonion@midwest.social

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[–] thefartographer@lemm.ee 70 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I can't even tell what's parody anymore...

[–] FiskFisk33@startrek.website 42 points 7 months ago (3 children)

“I thought the dog was growling when I heard it go ‘herrrrrr’ near my son, but then I realized it was trying to queer him up by referring to him as a ‘her.’ I knew the only way to protect him at that point was to put a bullet between Fido’s woke eyes before he turned my children into transvestite commie Jewish Palestine sympathizers.

..you cant? reeeally?

[–] BigMacHole@lemm.ee 16 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Is she the same Person who said Jewish Space Lazers were starting Forest Fires or is she the one that said Teachers are turning kids Woke and therefore we need to give them Guns?

[–] Sidyctism@feddit.de 9 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I think greene was the spacelaser moron.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 7 points 7 months ago

Yeah, that was Perjury Greene. So named because she straight up committed blatant perjury during the hearing to determine whether she was eligible for reelection.

Lawyer for the people of Georgia: asks straightforward question about the events of January 6th

Perjury Greene: "I don't recall"

Her own lawyer 15-30 minutes later: asks the same question phrased slightly different

Perjury Greene: suddenly recalls everything down to the most minute fictitious detail

Of course, since it's Georgia where the state level judges are almost all corrupt Republicans (but I repeat myself), nothing came of it and she was allowed to run without any repercussions from the perjury 🤬

[–] emptyother@programming.dev 14 points 7 months ago

I've caught myself thinking it was an Onion article before, only to discover it wasn't. And I've heard these morons refer to someone as both Jewish and Palestinian in the same sentence. And woke and commie. So this isn't that far into unbelievable.

[–] amio@kbin.social 6 points 7 months ago

It's not all that far removed from shit people say completely without a trace of irony.

[–] Cort@lemmy.world 2 points 7 months ago

I didn't see this was the onion sub and my first thought wasn't there's no way she said that. It was huh, and her base is letting her get away with it?

[–] Grass@sh.itjust.works 29 points 7 months ago (1 children)

It feels like cheating when a chunk of it is real

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 10 points 7 months ago

The best lies all have a bit of truth in them and that goes double for satire.

[–] TubeTalkerX@kbin.social 6 points 7 months ago

Well that makes it alright then!