this post was submitted on 10 May 2024
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Greentext

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Anon makes money (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
 
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[–] gigachad@sh.itjust.works 163 points 6 months ago (3 children)
[–] morphballganon@lemmy.world 62 points 6 months ago

Thank you, was going to request this

[–] ThePyroPython@lemmy.world 51 points 6 months ago

Too many pixels, I can't read it.

[–] Annoyed_Crabby@monyet.cc 44 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 60 points 6 months ago (2 children)
[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 21 points 6 months ago

Needs more compression!

[–] Socsa@sh.itjust.works 126 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Get stabbed

Bleed out in a literal gutter

$800 tho

[–] FilthyShrooms@lemmy.world 59 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Fun trick! Don't try in America!

[–] gmtom@lemmy.world 33 points 6 months ago (4 children)

If anything it would be easier in America.

Just shoot them the second they touch it. Even if they're running away with it and you shoot them in the back you will gey away with it.

[–] NoSpiritAnimal@lemmy.world 40 points 6 months ago (2 children)

This protip only works for Cops

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[–] RecluseRamble@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 6 months ago (2 children)

But then you have to move all the time. A pile of bodies might scare off bike thieves.

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[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 6 months ago

Disclaimer: This post advises you to commit crimes. Do not take this post as fact.

Disclaimer pt.2: You may get away with it "in Texas, at night, and on your own property," but you have to hit all 3/3 of those, if you have 0/3, 1/3, or 2/3, you are also going to be prosecuted.

[–] graymess@lemmy.world 8 points 6 months ago

Alternatively, run over with car. You can commit any crime while in a car and get away with it. It's the law.

[–] mrgreyeyes@feddit.nl 14 points 6 months ago (3 children)

Do Americans even know how to ride a bicycle?

[–] riodoro1@lemmy.world 11 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Yes, but they don’t know how to change gears.

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[–] kungen@feddit.nu 8 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Inexperienced, but possible. If only bikes worked the same way as America's best anti-theft measure: a car with manual transmission.

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[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 58 points 6 months ago

This anon is white

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 51 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I remember there was some guy who installed spyware on a phone that couldn't be wiped off by normal means. Stuff that gave him remote camera access, location, file access, everything. Then he got that phone stolen and made a documentary about this dude's life.

[–] Zomg@lemmy.world 19 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I remember that, he installed it as a system app and would persist through a factory reset

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 13 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I think it was baked into the OS somehow (probably what you said). He disabled system updates as well so the OS didn't wipe. The only way it could have been removed was flashing the OS, but you'd have to find out it was there to begin with.

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[–] Legend@lemmy.sdf.org 10 points 6 months ago

Can someone share that video or article or whatever it is .

[–] herrwoland@lemmy.world 48 points 6 months ago (2 children)

It's all fun and games till the person who stole your bike has a weapon, or is bigger than you and has friends with them

[–] papalonian@lemmy.world 39 points 6 months ago (12 children)

I'll take $75 of my profits and buy a shit new bike whenever someone I can't beat up takes it

(I cannot beat up many people. I would not profit from this model.)

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[–] BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 43 points 6 months ago
[–] KISSmyOSFeddit@lemmy.world 27 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

That's just robbery with extra steps.
AKA police work.

[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 23 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] Hugh_Jeggs@lemm.ee 95 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Answer - yes you DO need to clean under your foreskin

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 63 points 6 months ago (1 children)

but then all the flavor is gone

[–] Vilian@lemmy.ca 25 points 6 months ago (5 children)

just suck it yourself before cleaning duh

[–] iiGxC@slrpnk.net 15 points 6 months ago

Or jar it up

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[–] suction@lemmy.world 19 points 6 months ago (5 children)

I understand the “kick a dude’s ass and take their wallet” part, but not why we need the bike with gps prelude

[–] CapeWearingAeroplane@sopuli.xyz 29 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I believe there's a quote by "Taco" in"Better call Saul" along the lines of "I love robbing criminals, because they never go to the cops"

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[–] Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works 23 points 6 months ago (2 children)

It's to make sure the victim deserves it.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 9 points 6 months ago

Lemmy needs an out of context quotes community.

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[–] unreasonabro@lemmy.world 7 points 6 months ago (1 children)

i guess you really do suck then lol

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[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 6 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Seriously, it's just mugging. The bicycle part is a whole separate issue, if you do this you're just mugging people. Same crime, same potential legal consequences, same potential for getting a sharpened screwdriver in your kidney.

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[–] RegalPotoo@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago

The bike thief is probably less likely to go to the police? Idk

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 12 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] swab148@startrek.website 27 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Enh, repeatable fetch quests are boring.

[–] Saledovil@sh.itjust.works 11 points 6 months ago

It's a bounty hunting quest, though.

[–] ryathal@sh.itjust.works 7 points 6 months ago

Criminals can't call the cops...

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