this post was submitted on 11 Jun 2024
96 points (93.6% liked)

Asklemmy

43755 readers
1251 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy πŸ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Sure, "nice" needs some definition.

But that's your call. I'm asking you if you are a nice person.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] haui_lemmy@lemmy.giftedmc.com 35 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Iβ€˜d say Iβ€˜m honest and loyal, not particularly nice. To me nice means diplomatic, charismatic and with low temper.

[–] Dirk@lemmy.ml 5 points 4 months ago

Came here to say that.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[–] linearchaos@lemmy.world 31 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I'm balanced.

I'll help you push you car. I'll hold the door for anyone, I'll let you in, in traffic. I'll over-tip the wait staff, even the ones having a bad day. I give kids in my neighborhood freezypops when it's hot AF. I'll go out of my way to make sure your food allergy is covered and you'll have safe snacks at my gathering.

I won't give the guy begging on the corner money. I won't help you forever if you never reciprocate. You skip a paycheck, I won't wait for you to get it sorted.

I won't remember that you hate mushrooms. I won't remember your kids name or wife's face. I'll forget you birthday if it's not in my calendar. I'll tell you I need to focus on something for an hour and go take a nap.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] AFallingAnvil@lemmy.ca 18 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

I'm afraid not, I've never been to France much less be familiar enough to claim to be one of them.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] EveryMuffinIsNowEncrypted@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I like to think I am. I used to be a piece of shit, and I've worked really hard over the last 9 years to become a better person. I don't always succeed, as the old demons like to pop their heads out every now and again, but I do put forth great effort most times.

[–] MagicShel@programming.dev 5 points 4 months ago

We're all on a journey. None of us have arrived. The effort counts.

[–] SuiXi3D@fedia.io 16 points 4 months ago

Depends. I default to being friendly, but I’m not good at it. I’m a terrible conversationalist, and what is logical to me (from my perspective) often gets misconstrued as being an asshole. It’s never my intention, but I’m awful at reading people too. I just never really took the time to learn how to… people.

[–] Glide@lemmy.ca 14 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

I take "nice" to mean something very different than "good" or "kind". No, I am not a nice person. I am inclined to be an honest asshole over a nice liar. I try my best to be good, kind, understanding, etc., but "nice" is, in my books, more about manners than good acts or genuine understanding. And I generally feel that time and effort spent on attempting to be "nice" is much better spent on genuinely empathizing with and supporting people, even when that support isn't kind or well-mannered at a glance.

I think I just take issue with the word "nice".

[–] kitnaht@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago

I like you. I'm the same way. Never met an asshole that was being dishonest. That's why I feel like I can trust them more than I can trust 'nice' people.

So yeah, I might not be nice. In fact, sometimes I'm a downright asshole. But I'll usually give you the shirt off of my back to help you if you need it.

[–] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 13 points 4 months ago

I'm a pheasant plucker.

[–] Monster96@lemmy.world 11 points 4 months ago

I try to be when I can muster up the courage to speak. I've always been taught to treat others like how you want to be treated and since I can't handle people yelling and screaming I try to avoid that altogether. Even if you're mean to me, I'll try to be nice or I just don't say anything.

[–] Crankpork@beehaw.org 10 points 4 months ago

I try to be, but don’t always hit the mark.

[–] hellothere@sh.itjust.works 9 points 4 months ago

I try. I don't always succeed.

[–] thorbot@lemmy.world 9 points 4 months ago

Fuck you mind your own business.

[–] Chuymatt@beehaw.org 8 points 4 months ago

No. I am kind. I am genuine. I am not nice. I have become too tired to put on a mask anymore.

[–] HipsterTenZero@dormi.zone 8 points 4 months ago

No. I aspire to be kind to people that need kindness, though.

[–] TootSweet@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago

I'm far too nice.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I gave a quarter to a cute homeless lady once so I’d say I’m pretty nice.

[–] thelardboy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 4 months ago

I'm a lovely person to everyone until they show me that they don't deserve it. After that, they are dead to me. Unfortunately, one of the people who has shown me that they don't deserve my time or respect is me, so i treat myself like shit. This does not work out so well for me.

[–] Clbull@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago

75%. I have my moments, plus it's hard to stay nice when there are so many assholes in the world.

[–] hanrahan@slrpnk.net 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

No.. In my defence...

β€œNice people made the best Nazis. My mom grew up next to them. They got along, refused to make waves, looked the other way when things got ugly and focused on happier things than β€œpolitics.” They were lovely people who turned their heads as their neighbors were dragged away. You know who weren’t nice people? Resisters.”– Naomi Shulman

[–] CoggyMcFee@lemmy.world 8 points 4 months ago

I think this is where the specific definition of β€œnice” is crucial. I think it’s very possible to still be β€œnice” while also being confrontational or standing up for things, and in fact, doing it nicely but without backing down can sometimes be extremely effective.

I know the β€œnice” you are referring to, where someone uses it as a shield for uncaring, selfish behavior. I’d of course rather have someone who isn’t so β€œnice” who earnestly tries to do the right thing than that kind of nice.

[–] user224@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 4 months ago

Simple answer: No.

[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 6 points 4 months ago

I'm nice to service workers. I am not nice to people on the freeway. Take from that what you will.

[–] FookReddit69@lemm.ee 6 points 4 months ago

No. But the world isn't a nice place.

[–] BlackRing@midwest.social 6 points 4 months ago

No.

I am a good person with a capacity for kindness. The difference? It's not reflex.

Nice is the guy waving you through at a stop sign when it's their turn. Sure there's good intention, but seriously? No.

[–] JackGreenEarth@lemm.ee 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I try to be, but people often tell me that I sound annoyed/aggressive even when I'm trying not to be.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] gerryflap@feddit.nl 6 points 4 months ago

Hopefully, most of the time. I feel like I'm generally friendly and helpful, and compared to many people around me I feel like I don't let myself get to carried away with anger or frustration. I'm not too good at showing it though. Due to autism I feel like there's a bit of a difference between how society expects people to show friendliness and how I do it. I'm quite reserved and I usually don't randomly show up or give gifts or something. I generally don't care about my own birthday and such, and therefore I'll also not think about those things for others. I try to detect when it does matter to people, and think of something to do or give, but honestly these expectations really stress me out.

I can definitely be a bit of an asshole sometimes though. I don't like people talking nonsense. In places where it matters, like work, want direct communication, with as little weaseling around as possible. No big words, no politics. So I will be that person that asks the "rude" and difficult question if it's necessary. I'm also quite stubborn, and require strong argumentation to actually be convinced of something. I've become more aware of this, so I tend to think twice nowadays to ensure that I'm really fighting a fight worth fighting and don't let myself get carried away too much with debating minor things.

[–] bloodfart@lemmy.ml 6 points 4 months ago
[–] Doxatek@mander.xyz 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Nice to a fault. I think it's because I try to be the person I always wish I would have had access to because I've never really had any support from anyone.

load more comments (1 replies)

I try to treat everyone as though I might be the first drop of kindness they have seen in some time, and my mantra when I find it difficult is "be kindness"- as in, choose the kindest option available to me at the time.

THAT SAID, I would not call myself a nice person, and if I was asked this I would elaborate that I try to be kind. I've known a handful of people who call themselves nice and I've been disappointed in their lack of patience and grace for others. Nice people don't need to say they're nice.

[–] Naomibtw@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago

I try my hardest to be a nice person, but I don't really think I am nice person

[–] PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca 5 points 4 months ago

Absolutely not. I’m rude to people (just check my post history) and often passive aggressive. I have little patience for people and am often not in a good mood. I don’t help people much and don’t get any pleasure out of it. To me, there is always a 50/50 chance the next person I see/meet may try and hurt or kill me at any moment so I am always on the lookout.

So far, so good. But no, I would never classify me as a good person by any metric.

[–] pastermil@sh.itjust.works 5 points 4 months ago

Honestly, dude. I would watch out for anyone who call themselves "nice".

[–] ohwhatfollyisman@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago

I'm a mirror. if you're nice to me, I'm nice to you. if not, well...

A lot of people in this thread appear to be pretty hard on themselves. There seems to be a trend of people who want to be nice, are trying to be nice, but don't see themselves as nice. If that sounds like you, then I've got some good news for you:

You are a nice person.

If you're sincerely making the effort to be a better person then that's admirable. Self improvement is hard. Too often people are quick to judge based on the result of your actions rather than the effort that's put into them. To put it another way, we judge people by their actions but judge ourselves by our intentions.

Treat yourself to the niceness that you're trying to show to other people. You're doing the best you can. You're trying to be a nicer person which means you're trying to grow. From tiny seedlings grow mighty oaks, and the seedling shouldn't be shamed for starting its journey. Rather, it should be encouraged to keep growing.

If you find it difficult to be nice, but you're trying to be a nice person, I'd say that's a lot nicer than being the person who dismisses another for not being 'nice' enough.

i want and try to be but i don't succeed every day. i hate thinking about those times when i don't succeed, but being mindful of those times is a big part of what i can do to succeed more often.

[–] Vaggumon@lemm.ee 5 points 4 months ago

Only to those deserving.

[–] FireWire400@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I'm trying my best but I don't think so. I can be very insensitive without me knowing it.

no. but i try to forgive myself for not taking the opportunity. imo, it is a skill that forms through a lot of interactions. a form of rizz. and to me, it doesn't come as natural.

[–] palarith@aussie.zone 4 points 4 months ago
[–] crmsnbleyd@sopuli.xyz 4 points 4 months ago

I'm anxious and avoidant and opportunistic. I try to make up for it when I feel able to.

[–] oscardejarjayes@hexbear.net 4 points 4 months ago

probably? I feel like it would make more sense to ask someone else if I was nice (assuming you want an accurate response), given I might be a little biased.

[–] bbb@sh.itjust.works 4 points 4 months ago

I'm not even a person.

[–] Corno@lemm.ee 4 points 4 months ago

I get told I'm one of the nicest and most polite people they've met, so I think there is something to it... I try my best to be friendly and helpful to people, and treat people how I want to be treated! πŸ€—

[–] superduperpirate@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago

Depends on my mood. If I’m feeling good I’m usually pretty nice, but if I’m hangry then I get not-nice.

[–] MagicShel@programming.dev 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

My emotions and instincts can be assholes, but I choose to be a good person. So the answer really depends on how much you weigh my instantaneous reaction to an emotional situation vs after my rational brain kicks in and I remember that everything that angers or disappoints me wasn't done for the sole purpose of ruining my day. Oh and little stuff pisses me off way more than big stuff.

I wish I was a better person, but I think I'm alright most of the time.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next β€Ί