this post was submitted on 19 Jul 2024
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I would be responsible for creating more and more paper forms which have to be filled by hand before each task.

PS: Can you guess what I'm doing now?

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[โ€“] Darkard@lemmy.world 38 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Whatever the guys in MS Cloudstrike did today.

[โ€“] ShortFuse@lemmy.world 29 points 3 months ago (1 children)

~~I write code for those who pay me money.~~

I delete code of people who don't pay me.

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[โ€“] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 23 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Iโ€™m a teacher, so I guess now I spread misinformation on social media for a living. ๐Ÿคก

[โ€“] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You guys are getting paid?

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[โ€“] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 19 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I think the exact opposite would turn me into a literal pirate; stealing money in a way that statistically increases the risks of maritime commercial ventures.

[โ€“] db0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Are you the port authority or what?

[โ€“] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 17 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Maritime adjuster. My body is a machine that turns the inherent risk of fishing into box wine.

Discount Harbor Jesus!

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[โ€“] Pappabosley@lemmy.world 15 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I make sure people don't talk to each other about what they're working on and hide important information they need to complete tasks. Sometimes I'll advise them to work on the wrong thing for a long time.

In my spare moments I delete the data in reports and unpivot tables.

[โ€“] eselover 5 points 3 months ago

That sounds like what my managers are doing right now, minus the unpivot tables. I have to guess what I am supposed to do.

[โ€“] Donut@leminal.space 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)
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[โ€“] olafurp@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[โ€“] altasshet@lemmy.ca 5 points 3 months ago

What a coincidence! I now create them...

[โ€“] cardboardchris@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago

I write good code now.

[โ€“] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 3 months ago (3 children)

I transition automated processes into manual labor

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[โ€“] hOrni@lemmy.world 12 points 3 months ago

I am now loving my job.

[โ€“] digilec@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I write software that scours the internet for porn and other NSL content, then sends it to school kids.

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[โ€“] qevlarr@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago

I have a job! Woohoo!

[โ€“] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Software engineer here. I'd become the worst thing I can imagine... a user.

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[โ€“] Mighty@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago

Damn I feel like the polar opposite of my job is also my job. But if I try to make it bad, I'd say I would hurt and demotivate children and try to keep them stupid

[โ€“] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I lock people out of their homes and break door hardware.

Aww geez, I'm a frat boy now

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[โ€“] _lilith@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago

Break computers

[โ€“] Gxost@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Now I cut features from software one by one

[โ€“] Eylrid@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago

You'll have a promising career at Google

[โ€“] ArmokGoB@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 3 months ago (2 children)
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[โ€“] MTK@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I guess I now beat people up?

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[โ€“] Eccitaze@yiffit.net 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Black hat hacker, I break into people's servers and fuck up their shit

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[โ€“] ChexMax@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I am served and taken care of from the moment I wake up untill the moment I fall asleep. Someone makes me nutritious meals, and I only do activities that stimulate my brain. Once a year a small baby gets shoved up inside me

[โ€“] db0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 3 months ago

Now I'm Not sure if you give birth once per year currently, only gave one birth in your life, or plan to be childless.

[โ€“] Webster@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

~~I work in IT for a company that helps patients get medications they need.~~

I physically prevent people from getting the medications they need.

[โ€“] Taniwha420@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

I'm an anarcho-capitalist with a real hatred for the homeless.

[โ€“] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 5 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Does that mean instead of cleaning up the place, I make it messy as fuck? ๐Ÿค” What's the opposite of a janitor?

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Instead of talking to the customers and fixing issues I'm writing code and breaking things.

So apparently I work at Crowdstrike

Well, fuck, I'm now an engineer on day shift. (I'm night shift QA and most of my issues are caused by careless engineers.)

[โ€“] Kamephis@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I do research on technologies that make airplanes heavier, increase their fuel consumption and make them fall out of the sky more often. Oh and I spend time in the classroom making sure students have no idea how to reverse it.

[โ€“] Noodle07@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

How is it working at Boeing?

[โ€“] psmgx@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

Annihilate transportation infrastructure on a large scale.

CloudStrike has already put me out of business, it seems

[โ€“] BugleFingers@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If it were the opposite, I make sure planes come out of the sky

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I ignore people with broken bones

[โ€“] Bronzefish@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Ill be hosting AA meetings.

[โ€“] JustZ@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

I find people who have been injured by corporations and greed, and rob them.

[โ€“] Tantheiel@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Outbound inferiority

I make sure what I send is going to fail all the tasks. Nothing but the worst for my customers.

[โ€“] Coskii@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 3 months ago

Instead of building homes, I destroy them... So same trade, different step.

[โ€“] caboose2006@lemmy.ca 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Cause brain damage? Idk how do you remove knowledge?

[โ€“] davidagain@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)
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[โ€“] Skyrmir@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

I now make it impossible for trade schools to be publicly funded.

[โ€“] Someonelol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 3 months ago

I decommission computers with a very efficient inventory and documentation system.

[โ€“] essell@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (7 children)

Traumatise people.

Could be fun for a while!

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