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SALUTE
I have barely watched Breaking Bad
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
Let's have another good week everyone 
fashionposting #3 (stenciling patches)
While my sewing machine is broken I've been making patches again. By "making patches" I mean stenciling designs onto rectangles of black fabric that I cut out from a bag of black dinner napkins that I got for $5 last year. Honestly, making patches is kind of a pain because cutting out the stencils, ironing them on, and then applying multiple layers of screenprinting ink to get a nice opaque design is a lot of work. But I love the results so I keep doing it anyways. Last time I was really into making patches was a few months ago and I'm always terrified of running out of them for clothing modifications (weird, because you know I made the patches to be used and now I'm scared of using them?) so now I'm making another giant batch, new stencils new designs.
With this batch I actually haven't gotten a lot of band logos, it's a lot of... communist stuff? Which I think is fun. I've got a stencil that literally says "Marxist-Leninist" in Chinese. This kind of DIY punk stuff is usually heavily linked to anarchism, and while I support my anarchist comrades I think it would be a bit disingenuous for me as an ML to put a big A for anarchy symbol on my clothing. I once read a reddit comment on a punk subreddit (I know, I know) that was like "we don't like tankie punks" or something like that and now my goal with my clothing is to spite that redditor I guess. I've even contemplated customizing a jacket and have it all be random communist slogans and imagery instead of band patches, we'll see if that ever happens.
With band logos on patches and clothing my most annoying trait is that sometimes I'll make a patch of a band I've barely listened to, just because I know that I will eventually get into them. I can usually tell pretty quickly if I'll like a band's music or not so I honestly do not feel bad at all doing this. Truly, I do not care at all about people who wear bands on their clothing that they don't listen to. As long as people are having fun who cares lol. Maybe eventually I'll make a patch of a band whose music I hate and put it on my clothes, just to be funny.
I have a lot of ideas for custom jackets in the future, and idk how in-detail I can get with them before they count as doxxing because I know that I'll probably be the only person who manifests some of these ideas into reality. Anyways. Such is how things are when you're doing weird clothing DIYs.
this is all I post about any more I guess, coming out (mentions of transphobia)
Brought up my trans cousin. Parents deadnamed her. I don't have the strength to come out and start transitioning. This sucks. My parents have been very good, but I don't think they'll be as good on this issue. Sucks. Honestly even if I did come out I'd probably be living basically in the closet anyway, because I don't think they'd want my younger sibling knowing. And tbf I don't want to deal with that either. Probably wouldn't name or gender me correctly anyway, even if it was unintentional. All I wanted from them was hrt anyway, so I think I'm just going to diy it and hopefully move out. Need to do a few things but I think diy will be possible soonish.
I'm trying not to feel bad about not telling them. They have been very supportive of me my whole life. I'm just not ready to come out yet. Listening to Ada Rook's night in a secret world, its quite nice.
Oh shit, i had no idea ship of harkinian released a majora's mask pc port a couple months ago. 
CW: Talking about top and bottom surgery
Still waiting on my surgical date for my top surgery/bottom revision. I swear the wait between consultation and receiving a surgical date is the worst. Especially since there's a couple things that revolve around it and I just want to find out a couple things.
When I'm finally going to have my big, floppy-ass breasts evened out, lifted, and filled out. Curious how 790cc implants will look on me >w> (this was surgeon's recommendation btw, not my request. I have a colossal chest)
Find out if my surgeon can talk my insurance into getting me a mons plasty along with the minor revision he wants to do for me.
I hope I get information on it within the next week or two cause it's been a month since my consultation. I just want to know what's going on when I can look forward to having proper breasts.
Starting to think I'm going to have to not go to the convention next week that I've been looking forward to all year. Sometimes the gods give, sometimes they take. And with everything going on lately, it looks like a take scenario as all the cards are now stacked against me going, go figure. Looks like I'll have to eat the airplane ticket cost :\
It's striking to me that Fallow by Ada Rook is so contemplative, quiet, calm. I mean the threat of eldritch unknowable terror still looms over all the dried, rotten wood, sunbleached dirt and desolate sad girls, but most of the soundtrack is mournful strings, violin over simple acoustic guitar chords. This from the UGLY DEATH NO REDEMPTION ANGEL CURSE I LOVE YOU lady, she has such range wow
Fallow is filled with domestic little details and a sense of dejection, resignment at the end of this place and everyone. It's beautiful, I adore it.
The past is breathing again. It's not safe here any longer.
This game fucks so harrrrrrd fjgjgkdkjdfjjd, also the framing of many screens features tiny lil monochrome green sadgirl standing at the base of collossal steel husks cast in maroon and mauve, real gender vibe tbh.
I think Fallow is cool, I have a disgusting and intolerable kink for intertext but this time I don't have to go "IF YOU READ THESE FIVE BOOKS THEY ARE KIND OF PRETTY RELATED TRUST ME" 
or whatever. Instead of that, I can be like Hey, if you listen to Shed Blood or Parasite by Ada Rook it will flavour your experience of the game.
I guess really broadly the Rook stuff is kind of about transfemme solidarity, I think. The bit under Shed Blood on bandcamp that is like
this album is about t***** and how it can hurt and be used to hurt others. it is about not knowing how to use the word family or if you want to use it at all. it is about trashgirls living on the edge of society being mobbed for the crime of attempted survival. this album is about girls in trouble. it is about blood.
sort of sums it up I guess, and I'd say Fallow creates a really strong image from that, which is awesome and a great vibe. It's depressing and soul-crushing but in a good feeling way, emotionally cathartic. Strong 'vibes' game, at least now I kinda get what all the other zoomers mean when they say 'vibes' all the time. The vibes are desolate and decaying and desperate and it fucks.
Playing werewolf game.
“Idk if I am really into Vicky or not.”
Get to scene where we homoerotically spar with each other.
“Nvm, I’m in love.”
Wore a shoulder-exposing shirt and a skirt without shorts underneath without being anxious about it :3. I’m anxious about other things instead :’)
dieting
It’s really hard to judge if I should have lunch some days or not.
My mom either cooks dinners that are like a small chicken breast and some calorie-light vegetables and that’s it, or she’ll cook some fancy Italian thing that is like a lot.
So I’ll have nights like tonight where I go to the store later to get something more to eat, or the inverse where I only eat half/two-thirds of dinner, so I can stay at my 1000 a day budget.