“Men aren’t attractive.”
sees white boys with short curly hair on YouTube
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“Men aren’t attractive.”
sees white boys with short curly hair on YouTube
About a third through my re-read of Nevada. I was thinking I was gonna be able to do a quick post about it after I was done but this is already hitting me hard in unexpected ways and I think I'm gonna have to sit with my thoughts longer and do a more indepth post later
Aw hell yeah
worrying about shit I haven't dealt with yet (transphobia) just bitching about shit, doomerism/suicide mention, negativity about being trans
Kinda freaking out about bathroom bill stuff. Society just hates us and makes it very clear they just want to inflict pain on me. People are genuinely just cruel. Society is always looking for a new excuse to throw me in jail/torment me just because I fucking had to be born this way. Fucking hate society. Today bathroom stuff is normal, they're working on making all trans kids go through the wrong puberty, and let's be real they're probably going to come after hrt at some point. Society wants to drive me to kill myself. What a hostile world. And this is literally the best anything is going to get as conditions worsen and apparently what does everyone do when food is harder to buy? Oh yea blame the people on the absolute bottom of the ladder. Fucking morons, all of them.
Whatever I told myself I'd stop posting about this topic because I'm such a fucking drama whore and terrible influence on everyone around me. God I'm so toxic and shitty. spoiler eating issues You know why I'm flipping out? Because I ate too much yesterday. Realistically I bet I ate less then 1500 calories, and that's still too much apparently. Why do I have to be in pain to not feel like shit. Why do I have to restrict so hard. Apparently my life is just inescapable pain.
Why fucking live like that. And it literally will never improve, society is getting shittier as conditions worsen, fascism is getting more blatant, and literally top of their list is trans people. :::
Sometimes you get a microwave dinner at the store thinking it ain't gonna be all that, but it's actually fire.
I know i said i would read dungeon meshi after the hunter exams but hxh is too peak to put down
anxiety
i didnt go to the photoshoot because i forgot to take my anxiety meds in the morning i hate this i wish i could just be "normal"
sad, eating issues
spoiler
As you all know, the last few days have been rough for me. However, I feel like this hunger is keeping things from spiraling out of control. I feel a sense of calm (numb?). It sucks that I have to do this to feel better, but it is what I have to do to keep the really sad thoughts away. SH urges are terrible and I don't want to deal with them again. I am still not happy, but I am not extremely sad either.
I'm not sure why I'm posting. I suppose I want empathy. If you're here to talk me out of it I'm not going back to SH urges right now, and that's my option.
I didn't feel this way last year.
sleepy
I don’t think I’m autistic, folkes. I keep talking on impulse without forethought even though I don’t want to talk, and I don’t really misunderstand social rules my ADHD and personality just makes me forget about, ignore, or fight them with my actions.