chapotraphouse

Alright FIRST of all, Fire has to go to whip because a flaming whip looks badass, 100%

Second, Darkness goes to Dagger because like, duh

Third, Light goes to Sword because it's for normies and it's boring

Fourth, Nature goes to Claws because cats have claws and they're from nature (trust me my cat taught me this he has claws)

Fifth, Ice goes to Shield because you can constantly replenish your Shield as it's damaged

Sixth, Poison goes to Spear in honor of my boy, Prince O'Brien (pour one out)

Seventh, Thunder goes to Bow because that's just sick, you hit an arrow and it's like CHAKOOOOM POW

Eighth, and seriously what the fuck is wrong with y'all, OBVIOUSLY Earth goes to Hammer, I will not budge on this

Ninth, Wind goes to Axe because it goes WOOFSHH when you swang it

Tenth, Water goes to Knuckles because they're both terrible weapons in comparison to the rest

• Poison Bow so you can hit them once then run away

• Darkness Axe because it makes me think of the Devil Axe from Fire Emblem

• Nature Whip because vines

• Thunder Hammer because big impact

• Spear of Light feels a common thing

• Earth Shield because sturdiness

• Wind Claws because you gotta be quick and mobile

• Ice Knuckles pack a wallop

• Water Dagger because the only other one left is fire and you don't want that close to you

• Fire Sword just fits

The whip will like, form vines and shit

First, this was exactly what my daughters needed to shake themselves out of a grumpy morning, so thank you for sharing this

Second, here are the Objectively Correct Answers, in order of correctness:

• Wind shield: Blocking and deflecting blows isn't cool. You know what's cool? Sending your stupid assailant flying backwards complete with ragdoll physics. Most importantly, you can flip your wind shield over and use it as a hoverboard.
• Thunder bow: Lightning is awesome as long as it's sufficiently far away from you. Making lightning strike wherever an arrow can reach? Super impressive and solves many potential problems before they become actual, in-your-face problems.
• Earth knuckles: When you punch someone in the face, do you want to zap them? Freeze them? Make them damp? No. You want to punch someone in the face with the power of a falling boulder. You want to hear that "earth cracking" sound effect.
• Fire whip: You're the person at the party with the devil sticks. You're the person who holds a pose just a hair too long when entering a room. You were born to wield the fire whip.
• Ice spear: We're doing crowd control here. We're freezing our enemies before they can close in on us. We're surrounding ourselves with statues of things that wish us harm.
• Poison claws: The only unanimous decision in our family. (We have two cats.)
• Nature axe: Creation and destruction. It's, like, a metaphor, man.
• Darkness dagger: Daggers are all about being sneaky. In and out, quick stabby murder before anyone notices. What's better than a little extra cover of darkness for this?
• Light sword: Skyward Sword was an underrated game.
• Water hammer: You've used everything else, now it's time to go back through one last time and do a non-lethal run. Hits like a giant wet sponge.

what the fuck if you're not doing Wind > Bow you're literally deranged. That's called synergy. Lightning > Bow, I see the vision but no.

It should be:

Fire > Whip (I'm imagining the flame happens at the whip's end)

Water > Spear (The force of a wave, projected into the spear's point)

Wind > Bow (Fantasy gun duh)

Earth > Shield (A wall of stone to protect & defend. Assuming this magic doesn't impart the weight necessarily but the defensive properties)

Thunder > Claws (Fantasy taser)

Poison > Dagger (I'm assuming you're carrying a dagger cause you're prone to flying off the handle anyways so why not ensure your victim really suffers)

Ice > Knuckles (Brrr)

Nature > Hammer (The power of a bear in each strike)

Light > Sword (Most famous swords are said to have the power of light. Righteous causes and all that. Why not I'm a weeb)

Darkness > Axe (Show me the champion of light...I'll show you the Herald of Darkness)

poison no dart

shield??? what?? how would that even work?