A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
I love hot sauce. Tabasco absolutely has its place, but I could never commit to it as a universal sauce. The ripeness of green chiles, the floral bouquet of habanero, or the contrast of a fruit/pepper blend all surpass the high vinegar content of Tabasco.
Right now I’m hooked on The Bronx green sauce. It’s not very hot, but I can’t get enough of the flavor. I highly recommend it if you like green sauces.
Could never get in to Tabasco. Which is odd because I really love almost everything else. My go-to has got to be Cholula. Most likely due to the volume of Qdoba I ate in college.
Cholula is where it's at
Cholula tastes like Taco Bell salsa to me.
Good.
I started on vinegar based hot sauce as a kid, then grew to understand there's better stuff out there... But the vinegar based stuff is not as inherently bad as I thought now that I'm even older. It has definite cases where it's the best sauce for the job.
Same here. Yeah, I put it on fish on Christmas because that’s what we had growing up. I always need to replace it because it turned brown before I finished it.
I love vinegar, so I'm not mad at Tabasco, but if I want something vinegary and only kind of spicy, I'm going for Cholula. But anyone who thinks there's a universal hot sauce is crazy. Different flavor profiles compliment different things. I have a couple of green sauces, a mango habanero, a chipotle, some Frank's, regular and garlic cholula, sriracha (made by the original farm), and if we add spicy stuff that isn't technically hot sauce, the list gets even longer.
...I'm temporarily banned from buying any more hot sauce.
I admittedly had a period where I exclusively used Sriracha. I think it’s more of phase than a committed lifestyle.
As for the ban, building a sliding pantry next to the fridge will get you plenty of extra sauce space.
My wife loves hot sauce but her choices are... confusing. Like sure, I get it, you want more heat. But it's like she prioritizes heat over, y'know, a balanced and harmonious flavor profile. Like hey, maybe red pepper flakes would complement that pasta sauce better than whatever Tex-Mex sauce happens to be within arm's reach. Maybe that steak that I've been sous viding in garlic and herbs would taste better with fresh cracked pepper and horseradish then that mango habanero sauce.
Has she burned her taste buds off? I know some people are like that but I don't get it. There are so many hot sauces that you can make pretty much anything spicy AND flavorful.
She actually jokes that I did, since my spice tolerance is still higher than hers. She appreciates other flavors too, she just pairs things bizarrely
I hate buffalo or any of those high vinegar content sauces. But for some reason, I'll slather Tabasco on everything. Also, green chili chutney with some coriander is a criminally overlooked choice for saucy greens, often brushed aside as being "for Indian food." Put that shit on a barbecue sandwich and tell me your life ain't suddenly better.
I laughed out loud.
I also half ate the onion, I thought they were going to add Tobasco to some dangerous foods list.
Finally! I've been saying this for years!