this post was submitted on 11 Dec 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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top 38 comments
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[–] Asetru@feddit.org 109 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Wish my wife would fondle my nuts daily to check whatever.

[–] Hiro8811@lemmy.world 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] BugleFingers@lemmy.world 24 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Turret3857@infosec.pub 14 points 2 weeks ago

Kick off your Sunday loose

Funnily enough this would reduce cheating in men that cheat.

[–] donuts@lemmy.world 95 points 2 weeks ago

Jokes on you, she blows afterwards so my balls are nice and tight again

[–] SlimeKnight@lemm.ee 81 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

While at it guys, remember that having premarital sex wears your penis out until is as thin as a pencil and you won't be able to satisfy your future wife. That is why you should save your purity for her 😇

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago

Is it possible my penis isn't small, but my partner is just an unrepentant trollop?

[–] riodoro1@lemmy.world 66 points 2 weeks ago

Ummm, that only means he was pissing.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 52 points 2 weeks ago

Maybe he just took a leak, because pee is stored in the balls.

[–] circuitfarmer@lemmy.sdf.org 38 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

This is a "masturbating is cheating" person, yeah?

[–] KomfortablesKissen@discuss.tchncs.de -4 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I mean, could be masturbating, but after coming home from being out all day?

[–] lowleveldata@programming.dev 25 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Boss makes a dollar, i make a dime. That's why i fap, on company time.

[–] KomfortablesKissen@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Please break the eye contact while doing that. Please. HR is shaking.

[–] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

He's whackin, jackin, and fappin!

[–] 3laws@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

After the 2nd shake ya better finish the job, ya'know?

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

That 3rd shake really is the best.

[–] Snapz@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Coming home after being out coming all day

Like a leaky faucet. Drip... drip... drip...

[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 36 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Nah. The only way to know for sure is by taste.

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 18 points 2 weeks ago

Personally I go by humidity and vigor

[–] Thteven@lemmy.world 16 points 2 weeks ago
[–] Clinicallydepressedpoochie@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Honey, here i am for my ball check.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 3 points 2 weeks ago

Reminds me of penis inspection day in school

[–] 1985MustangCobra@lemmy.ca 12 points 2 weeks ago

ohhhh, that's why i have such huge balls.

[–] Norin@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Lol that was the first thing that popped into my head too.

Don't play me like a fool

Cuz that ain't keeeeewwewwlll

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 4 points 2 weeks ago

Dammit, beat me to it!

[–] SimpleBro@lemy.lol 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 1 points 2 weeks ago

Certainly feels so after a while

[–] random_character_a@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

While you're there, they also have a chlorine like musk after load dump.