this post was submitted on 12 Dec 2024
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And Finally...

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[–] CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 63 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

Government so small it can fit in your bedroom!

How were they enforcing this?

[–] Aaron@lemmy.nz 10 points 5 days ago (1 children)

They'll know I'm breaking the law, because I'll be flying my custom gadsen flag with 7 dildoes on it that reads "Come and count them"

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[–] Badeendje@lemmy.world 16 points 6 days ago (1 children)

It's just a tack on when they do search warrants.. oh we did not find any drugs but we found 7 dildos.. Off to prison!

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[–] slickgoat@lemmy.world 99 points 6 days ago (2 children)

The great Republican war on orgasms have begun.

[–] Frozengyro@lemmy.world 48 points 6 days ago

They've been stopping orgasms from happening for a long time.

[–] shonn@lemmy.world 21 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Begun? Texas has always had a war on dildos.

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[–] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 55 points 6 days ago

*trying to buy salad ingredients for the family cookout*

The cashier: sorry state prevents us from selling more than 5 cucumbers at a time.

[–] Gort@lemm.ee 57 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Is there a shortage of dildos in Texas that they need such laws to stop hoarding?

[–] RangerJosie@lemmy.world 41 points 6 days ago (1 children)

There is decidedly not a shortage of dildos in Texas.

Have you seen their politicians?

[–] mossy_@lemmy.world 21 points 6 days ago

those are just plain ol' dicks

[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 44 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I’m guessing they are not limiting the number of guns you can own though.

[–] Kbobabob@lemmy.world 32 points 6 days ago (9 children)

Ever bring a dildo to a gun fight?

[–] nokturne213@sopuli.xyz 10 points 6 days ago (1 children)

No, but there was the time someone brought a dildo wielding drone to a campaign event and attacked the Bernallio county Sheriff with a “dongcopter.”

https://www.dailydot.com/debug/dildo-drone-attack-foia/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJuxbDIvsAk

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[–] Zip2@feddit.uk 53 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Why are so many people using them in Walmart?

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 20 points 6 days ago (3 children)

People like to sample the produce as they shop, granted it's usually a bag of crisps or a handful of grapes but it's the same... ballpark.

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[–] PlainSimpleGarak@lemmings.world 27 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

First, they came for the dildos, and I did nothing.

[–] Tuxman@sh.itjust.works 18 points 6 days ago

They came for the dildos….. and BOY did they came!!!

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[–] rustyfish@lemmy.world 39 points 6 days ago (1 children)

This has very strong “If I can’t make my wife come, nobody will ~~cum~~ come!” vibes.

[–] Zip2@feddit.uk 25 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I think it’s got religious overtones. One per day except the sabbath, when you have to leave your holes free for God to enter. Like Mary did.

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[–] VinnyDaCat@lemmy.world 28 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Snorted and almost choked on my coffee when I scrolled past this.

The worst part about this is that I'd rather Republicans waste time with pointless legislation such as this rather than something damaging that they could actually enforce.

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[–] yarr@feddit.nl 22 points 6 days ago

Look, I have SIX perfectly fine dildos, all in their individual velvet pouches. My grandma even gives me a knowing wink when she sees them on my nightstand (she's very with-it, my grandma). But the minute I walk into Walmart and snag NUMBER SEVEN - BAM! 💥 The world implodes. Little Timmy starts twerking in the cereal aisle, the self-checkout beeps incessantly with unholy vibrations, and a rogue bag of gummy worms spontaneously transforms into a life-size silicone replica of the Lone Star State... it's CHAOS, I tell ya! This clearly-reasonable six-dildo limit is PROTECTING our precious Texas innocence. Seven just unleashes the primal urges, and nobody wants that, especially not while picking out a new can of Copenhagen. 🤠

#SixIsTheMagicNumber #TexasStrong #ProtectTheInnocence (and the Gummy Worms)

[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 32 points 6 days ago

There are definitely some Texas billionaires that own more than six politicians.

[–] x0x7@lemmy.world 28 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

Neo-puritanism needs to die. I'm getting excited because I think humanity is just generally getting fed up with control. We're done with this shit.

At least none of these people should be violent. They can have their views. But law is always violent. So it has no business being an extension of anyone's sexual views. If you violently impose your sexual perspective on others you are as good as a rapist in my book.

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[–] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 31 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Will United Healthcare cover dildos if they are for medicinal purposes?

[–] Spacehooks@reddthat.com 11 points 6 days ago

I am told Vibrators were invented to combat female hysteria.

These early vibrators became popular among the medical profession and were used for treating a wide variety of ailments in women and men including hysteria, arthritis, constipation, amenorrhea, inflammations, and tumors;

ROFL I need 6 because of... uh.... constipation!

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 27 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Rofl, they were afraid for their right to bear arms instead of their right to bear dildos.

[–] Zip2@feddit.uk 11 points 6 days ago (2 children)

No one’s stopping them having bear dildos, just not too many of them.

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[–] SpaceScotsman@startrek.website 22 points 6 days ago (1 children)

The solution is clearly to set up sex toy libraries.

...They would never interfere with libraries, right?

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[–] Default_Defect@midwest.social 20 points 6 days ago (5 children)

I would never have thought to go to walmart to buy a sex toy if I hadn't seen them somewhat prominently displayed on my way towards the vitamin aisle.

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[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 16 points 6 days ago (1 children)

So its now illegal to have more than 6 bananas in your home in Texas?

Sigh, this is gonna be an awkward call to mom..

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[–] PanArab@lemm.ee 15 points 6 days ago (2 children)

What if it was a dildo-gun?

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[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 11 points 6 days ago (1 children)

The new top post in this community. I hope everyone is proud of themselves. I know I am.

[–] PhilipTheBucket@ponder.cat 8 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I feel honored and touched.

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 9 points 6 days ago

But enough about your personal life...

[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 16 points 6 days ago (3 children)

Ted Cruz ran out and is trying to hoard them all for himself.

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[–] wowwoweowza@lemmy.world 13 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Don’t want to start WWIII but even I and my fifty buttplugs were surprised to hear that WALMART was selling sex toys.

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[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 17 points 6 days ago (3 children)

This is disrespectful to George Washington the founder of America who was mostly Dicks.

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[–] pemptago@lemmy.ml 9 points 6 days ago (5 children)
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[–] mennorobert@lemmy.world 9 points 6 days ago

Texas is weird.

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