Absolutely Wallace. He looks like he prefers to work in dead silence - thumbs up.
this post was submitted on 05 Jan 2025
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Gotta be careful with that. I shared an office with an old guy once and had to bring headphones. We wouldn't talk, but he would constantly make old man noises. Coughs, grunts, snorts, etc. If I didn't block them out, they would drive me crazy like nails on a chalkboard. That said, the guy himself was really cool and I loved working with him otherwise.
'Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.'
Never shuts up about how the country has gone to hell, complaining about "the queers", etc, etc, etc.
He could be a union supporter though - in my experience of doing labor organizing, the younger folks are usually more pro-union, then there's a dead zone of support from the Boomers, and then the really old folks are much more supportive because they grew up when unions were more of an active force.
If Wallace is down to organize, then I'd pick him and just take the risk that he's got some shitty opinions that I'll have to work through and re-educate him on.
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Wallace. Bet he's seen some shit.
Hannah, because in a few months she won't be just engaged so she will turn less annoying.
Also Wallace. I generally don't mind old people. Maybe I'm getting old myself but stay off my lawn!
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All of the above. Let's party!
The answer is Wallace. Every old dude with a desk near me has been a solid guy who shuts the fuck up and always makes coffee before I get in.
There is always an exception. One of my older coworkers once came in to work with a sprained ankle. I asked why and he said he got it from kicking a dog, with zero remorse in his expression. I wish I had not asked. I knew he was weird but that detail cemented my opinion of him.
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Wallace
Wallace. Wallace probably doesn't give a fuck anymore, and once you gain his trust, is going to say some hilarious shit as a result.
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Wallace. In a heartbeat. Cause if someday he doesn’t have one, I’ve got my own office!
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Wallace.
Dude just wants to shut up and work, make it to retirement. You could probably engage him about his grandkids or his fishing trip if you wanted.
All the rest of them are gonna want to bother you with their problems or hobbies.
Kinda wanna have Susan in your corner, tbf.
I've had Hannah, Caleb, Wallace and Susan.
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Hannah is annoying at first, but it will blow over.
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Caleb will talk about sports and that will be all he talks about. You can tune him out, but he will learn to hate you, because you don't value his feats of manliness.
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Wallace is ok at first, but becomes really tiresome. His worldview is from 1920s, blatantly racist and doesn't realize it, judges you constantly according to some stereotype that is based on some guy he knew 100 years ago and gives you occasional corrective sermons that make no sense, because they are for that guy he once knew.
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Susan appears to be ok, but is a psycho. Will try to manipulate you and delegate stuff to you, even though doesn't even work in for the same department. Everything is a thing that will be decisive to your career and soon marks you down as a looser, because you don't listen to her. Will leave the company, because everyone is a looser.
Edit: so anyone in the top four. Office already stinks and on music is allowed.
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Radio head it is then
I'd be fine with several of these.
Brice: I've never understood people's distaste for that smell. I won't microwave tuna in an office because I know others don't like it, but it wouldn't bother me.
Wallace: probably has some great stories, but also likely wants to shut up and get things done. Great combination if handled correctly.
Shiloh: hey, you can play anything on your headphones, I'm cool with that. But if you want to play stuff on speaker it's only fair that we play 50/50. (My secret: I could totally do up to 75% Radiohead)
Dayzie: again, not a smell that tends to bother me.
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Because judging people on prejudice is what we like doing. It's innate, but also a bit harmful towards those that don't fit the mold.
Also a lot of love for Wallace. That may also be why we favor older people in elections. I don't think that's a good thing.
I know it's a shit post, but I felt like doing a Debby downer in here. Disregard if it spoils your fun.
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Hannah: Get her to invite me to the wedding, meet her friends and all the social circle. Very helpful to grind that social experience
Caleb: dude is probably shredded and knows not only how to eat healthy, but, by comparison, will force you to eat healthy as well. Probably can help with grinding the social experience as well
Wallace: if you get him to open up and share his work experience, this could be the teaching of a lifetime. Also helps to grind the social experience as he probably has young nephews, and family gatherings to invite you
These 3 are my best choices
"Natural deodorant" is usually just a block of an aluminum salt crystal, which'll work just fine since that's the kind of stuff in "industrial" deodorants too. Stains more and dries out your skin though since you usually end up with way more of the stuff in your pits, which is sorta ironic I guess.
So I think I'd go with Shiloh or Dayzie?
Weird, here natural deodorant means it doesn't contain any aluminum.
But I'd gift Shiloh high end headphones, and hopefully Walter is one of those spry 100 year olds with tons of interesting stories and anecdotes about life.
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So the salt crystal deodorants are potassium alum, which has been used for thousands of years for various things. It’s a naturally occurring rock, and people found it has mild antiseptic properties and stop small cuts from bleeding. It’s a popular aftershave for that reason, commonly available for purchase as an “alum block”.
When used as a deodorant, what’s actually happening is you’re creating a salty layer on your skin that bacteria can’t form on. (No idea how that works out in practice, I use actual deodorant lol). And indeed it is used in many actual deodorants for that exact purpose
HOWEVER, and I want to mention this not because you said anything wrong but because I have found it to be a source of confusion for many people, it is not the same as the aluminum salts used in antiperspirants. Namely aluminum zirconium and aluminum chlorohydrate. Different chemicals. They function by blocking your pores so the sweat doesn’t release in the first place.
Many people are concerned, whether or not the concerns are founded, that the antiperspirant aluminums are mired in health risks such as cancer. The alum blocks are not wrapped up in that in any way, other than the fact that they are also used in (and used alone as) deodorant. It’s an interesting little piece of nuance that doesn’t come up much due to the relative non-popularity of the alum blocks
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Jacksepticeye
I used to sit next to someone like Hannah in an open plan office. She was lovely. Really happy and excited for her future.
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Shiloh. Radiohead isn’t terrible, and they’d probably be open to other interesting music, and so may make for better conversation than Crossfit Bro or Engaged Lady.
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definitely not susan
Wallace
Susan. Make friends with HR. Get your folder marked, "promote ahead of peers".
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Lewis. I fart a lot too and have very little to no sense of smell. Open up the window and we'll fart together all day.
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I'll take Hannah, Shiloh, Caleb or Wallace, and some noise canceling headphones.
I'll go with Lewis. Him and I can do a great duet with our farting generator.
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