this post was submitted on 14 Feb 2025
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It's that time of year again when my partner gets upset with me because I'm not the kind of person that ever wants anything...

My partner always wants this or that. They mention things they want all the time. So I write down what I hear. Gift holidays are covered easily because I try to pay attention.

I feel bad though. I know it's hard when I don't talk about things I want. And when asked, I don't know what to say. It only ends up causing me anxiety.

This is so dumb. What does a person who doesn't want things want for their birthday?

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[–] breadsmasher@lemmy.world 36 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] shittydwarf@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] breadsmasher@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

don’t knock it until you’ve tried it

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[–] KittenBiscuits@lemm.ee 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Full disclosure, I peeked at your comment history.

How about those phone mounts and maybe a neat 2-in-1 tripod/monopod for your binoculars? Or a shoulder sling?

Otherwise, my go-to is an experience like others suggested. Escape room, paint nite, afternoon of pool/ bowling/ mini golf, Top Golf, cooking class, museum visit, comedy night, hockey game, roller skating, hiking, music bingo/pub trivia, or consider a hotel room nearby for the night with an indoor pool or my absolute favorite...a cabin weekend with a hot tub and a real wood-burning fireplace.

[–] GlassHalfHopeful@lemmy.ca 11 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Damn it! I clearly want things! Why don't I think to write these things down!?

You're only slightly creepy for looking at my comment history, but also pretty dang smart for doing so.

It would take some research, but maybe they can help with that. I think that's the frustrating part for them because they don't know the first thing about these things, but hey... they are the ones who want to get me something. Haha.

Years ago, they bought me clamp on lenses for my phone, but it did not fit. I have a new phone now and I would love lens that I could mount to it. There's a company that makes custom cases so they easily attach. I didn't want to bother getting a new case, but my partner might want to do just that.

And if I don't dig it, we can always return it and try again. Hopefully that wouldn't be too offensive. I've done that in the past and never ended up buying a replacement item even though I promised I would. 😬

So yeah, an attachable lens or mount that would affix my phone to my binoculars when birding. And I think there are monopod stands, kind of like a tripod but only one leg, which can be used to keep things like binoculars stable. Maybe something like that if it isn't too weird looking. Lol

Thank you, creepy internet sleuth! It's so funny that I wrestle with what to think of when I know I've expressed interest in things. I don't know why I couldn't think of that on the spot. I very rarely actually get those things, but others might want to go that extra step and actually get them as a gift!

This can work!

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[–] Asafum@feddit.nl 20 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Use it as an excuse to strengthen your bond I guess. Just say something like "all I want is to do (XYZ thing you know you both like: dinner, movie, whatever.) with you, I don't need anything more." If that even is something you'd even want to do of course. Don't force it if it isn't what you want.

Just be honest with them, you could even possibly try to explain the anxiety you feel about it all and let them know you're happy just being with them in whatever way.

Either that or pick a food you like lol for me I'd probably just say "get me a big ol' bag of chocolate covered pretzels and I'll be in heaven." :P

[–] GlassHalfHopeful@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 week ago

There's a lot of good truth within this post. More than you might realize. Something to ponder today.

[–] __nobodynowhere@sh.itjust.works 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Beans

Jamon Iberico

Life size model of Captain Picard

Escape Room

8000 Hamsters

Ketamine

Dinner at a fancy restaurant

Art

Bathtub of chocolate pudding

[–] makingStuffForFun@lemmy.ml 20 points 1 week ago (1 children)

An escape room with 8000 hamsters and ketamine. Now that's a birthday

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[–] GlassHalfHopeful@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)

My eyebrows actually went up and hand went to my chin when I read life-size replica of Captain Picard. Lol.

I would have nowhere to put such a thing and would never actually want it...

But it would be absolutely hilarious and I'd love it nonetheless. 😁

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[–] Wojwo@lemmy.ml 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I always go with experiences over stuff. I want to do something with the people I care about and collect memories instead of things. It gives people the freedom to be as frugal or lavish as they want and I don't have to store or return anything.

[–] GlassHalfHopeful@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 week ago

Now this is what I'm talking about. πŸ’―

[–] orvorn@slrpnk.net 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Pick something you already have and use often, like a phone charger or an office chair or a pair of shoes, and ask for a higher quality version of the same thing. Something that will last longer or be more comfortable.

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[–] folaht@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

To list of things anything you could want:

  • Goods
  • Services
  • Relationship time, that is your partner doing things for you,
    which can be subdivided into 10 more types of wishes.
[–] pruwybn@discuss.tchncs.de 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Food? Everybody likes food, right?

Or an experience - a trip, a night out, whatever

[–] dQw4w9WgXcQ@lemm.ee 4 points 1 week ago

Consumables are great. It opens up for repeatability and the receiver is never stuck with dust collectors.

[–] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 1 week ago

You want a fun day trip that you don't have to plan?

[–] lietuva@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I think you lifted gift giving standards way up high and your partner wants to keep up 😊

  • Anything that can be consumed, eaten or drunk is a good gift.
  • Tickets to some event you can both attend and spend quality time together. Maybe a concert

Yup, 100%. Consumable treats that you'd not normally buy yourself and experiences like events or lessons.

[–] actionjbone@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

A small island nation to crush beneath the heel of your boot.

Or, if you don't have boots, you can ask for those.

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[–] python@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

With my partner, we usually gift time/knowledge. As in, one person wants to buy something but doesn't have the time/expertise to read up it and find the perfect thing. So the other hops in and does the research for them.

This valentine's my partner helped me decide on a new gaming keyboard, while I got him a custom web domain and email setup.

So maybe if there's a thing you've been meaning to research/buy, let your partner do it as a gift?

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[–] Coreidan@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You want a purple rubber dildo

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[–] Nemo@slrpnk.net 5 points 1 week ago

An experience, like going axe-throwing.

A favorite food.

A music playlist made especially with you in mind.

[–] Kacarott@aussie.zone 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My partner gifted me a pottery class recently, which we are doing next weekend and im VERY excited about. Maybe do that?

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[–] WarlordSdocy@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I have the same problem when I need to come up with things on the spot. So instead I keep a list that I add ideas I get for things I want over time. That way if someone asks I can show them that and I don't have to think on the spot about what I want.

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[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I always ask for the same thing.

A rare steak and messy anal.

[–] funkajunk@lemm.ee 5 points 1 week ago

Best I can do is a meatball and an over-the-pants tugjob.

[–] iamanurd@midwest.social 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] GlassHalfHopeful@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Good god no. Half my family's allergic. I'm just allergic to their nature. 🀣

[–] iamanurd@midwest.social 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

In that case, a cure for allergies.

[–] iamanurd@midwest.social 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] GlassHalfHopeful@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 week ago

I'll put it on my wish list. πŸͺ„πŸ˜Ί

[–] Cruxifux@feddit.nl 3 points 1 week ago (5 children)

I also don’t like receiving gifts from my spouse. So I just tell her to buy my bar tab for the night.

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[–] Anissem@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Same, I’d honestly just skip my birthday if that was an option

[–] AnnaFrankfurter@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Ask for world peace maybe it'll work.

[–] GlassHalfHopeful@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 week ago

I asked god. Still waiting for a response. Will let you know.

[–] psyklax@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 week ago

She might get mad if you tell her this, but maybe you want some time to yourself. It's what I usually want on my birthday.

[–] Horse@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

my usual responses when asked are:

  • Cheap one: 6 pack of beer and a pizza
  • Middle one: bottle of vodka and a take out
  • Expensive one: bottle of scotch and a bar of dark chocolate

booze and food are always welcome with me lol

[–] Maiq@lemy.lol 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Tell them the they are the only gift you need and how lucky you are to have them in your life. Anything material just pails in comparison.

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[–] venusaur@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago (4 children)

A pair of Calico Cut Pants

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