The Onion

(San Francisco, CA) As the US Government is slowly collapsed in the pursuit of government efficiency, other competitors in the coin space are also reaching out to tap into this new, unexplored area of blockchain profitability. LiteCoin, a smaller, blockchain-based token that touts itself as equivalent to BitCoin or DogeCoin, has opened the “Legislative Inefficiency Termination Executive,” or LITE, as an alternative means to reduce government function under the guise of cost saving and efficiency.

Their office, based in Washington DC and opening next week, will seek to also reduce government waste and spending, while also acting like a government agency. “We plan to show up places and demand information, and then make sudden, reckless actions that create headlines, and hopefully help our coin price,” said one LiteCoin enthusiast over Skype. “We plan to innovate exactly like the larger agency, just not as well… just like in the original coin space.”

When asked how this would improve the government, the reaction was glib. “Clearly you haven’t spent much time in the coin space. The money will come - this is about innovation. We can create a replica of the leading ideas, and refine them in a space we our coins profit. This government idea is just like when NFTs were created, and we need to get in now, while there is still value.”

Economists were not as optimistic about the plan. Said one, “Look, maybe they should just give a bunch of coins to the president in a bag marked ‘bribe,’ I don’t know. My NSF funding is cut off, I haven’t had time to look into it.

“I have a large frappachino for Kara,” he added.

While LiteCoin has joined the fray, the most valuable coin, Bitcoin, does not seem to be joining in yet. And with Tiktok having limited bandwidth in America, no coin bros were able to comment by deadline.