this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2025
161 points (89.7% liked)

Greentext

6009 readers
1428 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 38 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] jia_tan@lemmy.blahaj.zone 179 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Ima put on some vinyl gloves and punch anon in the face several times.

It wasn’t me! My hands didn’t touch his face!

Officer, is it a crime to punch my own vinyl??

[–] Hadriscus@lemm.ee 7 points 1 month ago
[–] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 106 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

Why would I give some woman I barely know my hard earned cum?

[–] Nosavingthrow@lemmy.world 56 points 1 month ago (5 children)

I save mine in a milk jug to drink later. Can't let any of my vital essence go to waste.

[–] Dr_Fetus_Jackson@lemmy.world 65 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

that link is staying green, and the amazon bot spying on my account will thank me for i t

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Well the main gist is vidible form the link itself

[–] lowered_lifted@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 month ago

idk the cum flan in the cover is really something, looks just like a regular one, you'd never know.

[–] match@pawb.social 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

memes but instead of posting images we post amazon links

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago
[–] baldingpudenda@lemmy.world 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Sylvartas@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That's from Dr. Strangelove, right ?

[–] baldingpudenda@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Sylvartas@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 month ago

I need to rewatch that movie

Look at Mr. Fancy Pants over here with a dedicated jug. Just slurp straight from the rubber.

[–] DScratch@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 month ago

Save it all up for your wedding night. Let the sperms fight for dominance in the milk jug, that only the strongest and fittest sperm survives to merge with the egg.

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

this might be of interest to you.

[–] Twig@sopuli.xyz 12 points 1 month ago

"I do not avoid women, Mandrake...but I do deny them my essence."

[–] AFC1886VCC@reddthat.com 8 points 1 month ago

Semen is a bit like lending someone less than $5, you can't really ask for it back

[–] ColdWater@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 month ago
[–] inv3r5ion@lemmy.dbzer0.com 90 points 1 month ago

Taking bets they do not think women who’ve only fucked dudes with condoms on are virgins

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 39 points 1 month ago (3 children)

If dick making contact with vagina is all that it takes to not be a virgin, then no one born with a penis through normal vaginal birth is a virgin once born because your penis probably touched your mom's vagina.

[–] bunnyBoy@pawb.social 26 points 1 month ago

A girl in my high-school actually said this (Not word for word obvs) and when I mentioned that would every woman has has lesbian sex at least once she became very very upset.

[–] xia@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 1 month ago

Thanks for the mind-worm, I hate it.

[–] ace_of_based@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago

This fact is highly unpleasant and i hate you for 5 minutes

[–] Pregnenolone@lemmy.world 38 points 1 month ago (1 children)

OOP has never had sex. This is proof

[–] LifeLemons@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

did you remove your own upvote after posting...?

[–] LifeLemons@lemmy.ml 18 points 1 month ago

Yes, infact I sometimes downvote my own comment if I feel like my comment is shit

[–] Wetstew@lemmy.world 25 points 1 month ago

Lecturing a Chan user on condangs is like asking your dog his thoughts on the Flat Tax.

[–] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

*greentext was sponsored by the Federalist Society

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 month ago

I much prefer the Japanese propaganda

[–] mindbleach@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 month ago

Anon got sodomized and desperately needs to believe it doesn't count.

[–] SsxChaos@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

are you a bagfucker or a vagfucker

Bold of you to assume I fuck, however I may be a buttfucker so ever thought about that Anon?

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago
> are you a vagfucker of a bagfucker

I'm a buttfucker

> gender neutral
> even you can get penetrated
> you can even do it with your friends
> no pregnancy
> is really satisfying
> "but what about the poop?" 
just get an enema, or even get into scat
> you're literally fucking the better hole
> you're literally fucking the better tits
> "but what about incontinence" 
relatively rare, if happens just get into diapers

Peehole fucking is also an option, but it will very likely come with incontinence and a UTI.