this post was submitted on 20 Apr 2025
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The Onion

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[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 2 points 5 hours ago

The secret service had to help.
(Some of the kids were killed, some deported, rip.)

[–] DirkMcCallahan@lemmy.world 60 points 13 hours ago (3 children)
[–] b34k@lemmy.world 7 points 12 hours ago
[–] MunkysUnkEnz0@lemmy.world 3 points 10 hours ago

Don't worry me too.

[–] 21Cabbage@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

The other holiday it shares probably doesn't help

[–] P00ptart@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago

I read this while currently celebrating... Easter. Yeah, that's it.

[–] N0body@lemmy.dbzer0.com 23 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Like a true winner, he had secret service agents knock over the other kids and steal the candy in their baskets. Their parents are now in a gulag in Siberia, and the kids are on a prison work detail in a coal mine. Take that, losers.

[–] P00ptart@lemmy.world 3 points 8 hours ago

Gulag has no record of parents. Maybe on Ukraine front?

[–] Princessk8@lemmy.world 61 points 14 hours ago

I was ready to believe this was real

[–] Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 14 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Totally unrealistic... he would have just taken the baskets from the kids, then sent them to an El Salvador death camp.

[–] Ledericas@lemm.ee 1 points 7 hours ago

for good measure he takes out all the candy, and throw 1 or 2 empty eggs as a sign of good faith.

[–] BigMikeInAustin@lemmy.world 24 points 14 hours ago (3 children)

I'd like to see him try to bend over to pick something up.

[–] ZeroCool@lemmy.ca 23 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Oh, I have no doubt he's privately had to use one of these for at least the last 20 years:

[–] errer@lemmy.world 3 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

NGL I use one of these all the time, they’re great

[–] Ledericas@lemm.ee 0 points 7 hours ago

i doubt he has the strength and grip to use that.

[–] Ledericas@lemm.ee 1 points 7 hours ago

first of all it wont happen, he would steal the basket with eggs and leave with it.

[–] vividspecter@lemm.ee 5 points 11 hours ago

He'd just make one of his sycophants do it for him, then take credit about how he's the "greatest egg hunter the world has seen, maybe ever!".

[–] PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca 9 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago) (1 children)

I tried fact checking this but I remember Trump telling me this once at our sleepovers back when he was on the apprentice and I had a mid-sized Greek bakery on 45th street in Manhattan. He’d come in sometimes but never ordered anything. He said he liked the smell in there.

[–] P00ptart@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago

Did you need him for the mushroom soup?

[–] Oyu_Fka@lemm.ee 9 points 14 hours ago

Haha! Well worth a read, lol!

[–] LoamImprovement@beehaw.org 3 points 12 hours ago

Obviously fake news! Trump couldn't be assed to run around grabbing eggs on the lawn, that sounds way more strenuous than golf.