As often as I can, people deserve to feel good.
this post was submitted on 08 Nov 2023
50 points (93.1% liked)
Asklemmy
43803 readers
759 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
Nice job.
God I really should, I just dont want to sound creepy.
Try making complimemts throwaway statements, like theyre a gemeral fact and not the focus of a coversation. I feel like thats the reason some compliments come off as creepy, plus don't be overly familiar.
Same. I recently met a wonderful woman who I've become very good friends with. When I first met her, I was interested in maybe dating her, so I was very careful and selective with the compliments I gave her because I didn't want to sound like a creep (and I'm autistic so I'm bad at judging what's okay to say). After I asked her out and she rejected me, we agreed to just be friends, and I suddenly felt far more okay openly complimenting her in many different ways. It feels really good to give someone a genuine compliment just because you want them to feel good, no strings attached.
Yet another great benefit of friendship! Good on you.
Dude, I feel the exact same. I basically never compliment anyone ever. Sometimes I want to but I'm afraid of sounding weird so I don't. I'm not likely to be someone who looks like they could come off as creepy, but still I have a hard time with it.
You look great today OP
Are you the CIA agent assigned to me?
Lovingly watching you. Every second of your life.
My wife: daily.
Others: sometimes.
Erryday. Do it, if you're nice and/or clever people will often enjoy being positively singled out.
Edit: ideally, you should look approachable. Not sure to what extent this is more of a quirk of mine but I've not really run into problem with it
Exactly, make someones day better
Its fun. Sometimes you can even tease a little bit as long as the overall tenor is friendliness and curiosity and being fun. Strong rapport-building is a must tho if you wanna operate on this "advanced" level :/
I've been recently practicing voicing my favorable opinions on people to them. I've found I think nice things about people, and what is the reason why I wouldn't share that. Seems to just give them a little boost while also creating a better social bond.
That's cool!
Try it out yourself. Some people react strange to the out of nowhere compliments, but not that they regretted hearing it. A lot of the things I am saying are simple things like "Wow you strike me as very intelligent" "You smile with your whole face" "You have such an awesome sense of style"
Its been really good for me too since a lot of times I meet people and my immediate reaction is to be intimidated since I see so many of their positive qualities quickly, telling them the things I notice about them actually helps me retain my confidence in those situations too since I am the one being a beacon of positivity.
Like with most things in life, putting in effort pays out.
A few times a week, on average. Not much to compliment on because at this point I've complimented on almost anything that comes to mind.
When I made this post, I knew you'd pop up. Idk who you are lenny but youre always around and its amazing.
I actually thought 'call me lenni' will be one of the first 5 people to comment here and checked if you were a mod here!
Edit: same for cheese greater and 1984, still might see kolanak
Aww thanks <3
So far I'm just a mod in !casualconversation@lemmy.world and !downvotedtooblivion@lemm.ee but am open for more positions.
If you ever want to know more about me, you're always welcome to ask anything (even here if you'd like).
Daily.
Almost zero. Sometimes I try to make a conscious effort to, but that goes up and down with energy
Not enough.
I feel like i'm much more comfortable complimenting people I don't know other than my gf most of the time despite being someone who likes to complimemt people. Even if it comes off as flirty apparently
Nice tits.
I'm joking. Never do that.
Edit: oh, how often. As soon as they do something I appriciate. It's easy to be kind.
This is the way, it's easy and at times even contagious!
unsure abou how often; I don't do it because I have to meet a quota, it's more of a I-can't-hold-to-myself-when-I'm-β¨bedazzledβ¨ kinda thing?
Although as others have mentioned, I don't wanna sound creepy; for strangers it's generally about a cool accessory they're wearing. i verbalize the compliment by refering to their uniqueness, not intending to start a conversation just, "cool hat π"
interesting question, thanks!
Frequently, but I'm a little old lady.
If you want to practice, "cute shoes!" or some equivalent is generally a safe choice. "Those sneakers look really fast!" "Love the socks!" "Stylin' those shoes!" "Those sandals look really comfortable, and I love the sparkle!"
Because shoes are almost always a choice, and you don't have to make eye contact or avoid looking at other body parts. Just don't make it about their feet, or anything else they were born with, unless you're really familiar.
I like to and try to compliment folks shirts often because I know how nice it feels when someone compliments mine.
Probably at least once a day? Not usually at men (so sorry, I know this is a problem for guys) unless I am confident they are not going to read more into it. I do feel old enough to be able to sometimes compliment younger guys, and have it received as just friendly not flirting.
As someone else said - compliments on choices or achievements not personal attributes. Though usually it is on looks stuff "What a good hair day you are having", or "that is a really good color for you" or "great shoes!" not "what a nice figure you have."
Work compliments I hand out freely, if someone does a good job that makes my job easier I try to always mention it, compliment the work and thank them.
There's a high chance a semi-normal guy won't read deeper into it.
But he will hold onto it for years and years.
Non-stop. If there's an opportunity I'm doing it.
I don't get a chance to compliment people that often, but I do try to genuinely listen to people.
Not enough
To be honest, I don't often give compliments to others. Firstly, I don't like being complimented myself. Secondly, I've often gotten an "Okay, you're funny" or something similar in response (even for the simplest compliments with no hidden suggestive thoughts), which didn't feel like other persons liked being complimented.
Little enough that now if I do it just comes off as sarcastic.
I only compliment people if they've done something impressive in some way. Rarely do I interact with strangers in any situation for that to occur. The limited situations like someone's appearance or clothing beings stylish or something just seems like it would come off creepy to say so I won't do that.
With people I know I tend to be pretty brutally honest so it's rare I compliment them, but when I do they know it means something.
Pretty much every day, multiple times a day, with strangers, acquaintances, and friends. I think it usually brightens people's day, and with strangers, I think delivery and content is much more important than what I look like or who I am.
For content, I only compliment choices, not attributes:
"Cool shirt!" is good, "Nice legs!" is not
"I love your haircut!" is good, "Your hair has such a nice texture!" is not
Tailored compliments are even better, ex. "That book (or other media) is awesome!" is great, if I really do like it, and it can start a conversation, but obviously I don't lie and pretend I know it when I don't.
For delivery, I keep it light and casual. I am mindful to only do it when they aren't preoccupied, like on the phone or reading something. For tone, I guess I pop the compliment, smile, and movie on. For example, if we're walking past each other-- I don't slow down, and I look away immediately after giving a friendly smile. I don't mean that I don't care about their response, because of course I'm mindful to be sure I didn't offend them, but I don't burden them with needing to respond with gratitude or happiness. I think of it as, I want this person to have the (hopefully pleasant) information that their choice was seen and respected by a stranger. I don't want anything back from them.
I would say 95-100% of the people I compliment seem to be genuinely happy I did, and of the ones who don't react positively, I'd say the vast majority react neutrally. In the rare case where my compliment has totally failed, I usually go "Oh! I'm sorry" and again, disengage.
Obviously, with friends and acquaintances the options open up a little more, and usually I do follow up/continue the conversation instead of moving on. But it's similar in the philosophy that I'm usually just trying to give them positive information, and not seeking anything in return. Compliments are not a tool to get people to talk to me or be friends with me. That can and does happen, but it's not the point. Honestly, I think that's the part that most people struggle with, if they feel like they don't get good responses with compliments. It's not for us.
I do think I'm probably an outlier, because I give compliments a lot. But I continue to do it because it seems to really make people smile!
Once in the past, god knows how long.
American women came into where I work. Asked her aboir her a cent. She told me, then said she tries to hide it. I just said, "Well, it's a really nice accent." Which, for me, is absolutely out there, and it just felt natural(?) To say
Probably twice or more as often as I complain. I'm not shy about either and I make sure that there complaint is reasonable, not about scoring points, and with an easy way out.
I am really anti people who only complain. Finding fault with something is really easy compared to complementing.
Finding fault with yourself is twice as easy as even that.
A simple complement can change a day and/or prevent a suicide that you would never know about.
If you want to know who someone is, watch how they treat people who they believe are 'below' them. If something is still 'off', get them drunk: real personalities come out to play when inhibition is completely gone.
If not daily, almost then.
If my girlfriend not taking into account, then much less.
But I tend to feel gratitude towards things and people and I will let them know if I enjoy something!
In 2023? Are you trying to get to know HR and/or legal better or something?
view more: next βΊ