this post was submitted on 09 May 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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happened yesterday night I’m typing in my room 
i haven't gotten out yet
>be me
>20
>university student
>have a best friend 
>met last year, share a lot of subjects
>naturally spend lots of time with him
>we have a friend group but we mostly stick together
>friends joke about us being gay
>we don't feel insecure and laugh with them
>get called twinks regularly by year two 
>eventually start to do these jokes myself bc my friend is kinda cute
>summer break closing in
>his parents rich
>big house in the mountains 
>they go on a vacation when break starts, leaving him alone 
>he knows my relationship with my parents is fucked, 
invites me over for summer, like last year
>instantly accept
>having a great time, we hike, laze around, play games
>one day we get home completely beat
>decide to throw ourselves a small party
>grab some drinks
>actually get wasted on some fancy shit
>my drunk ass makes more gay jokes
>say we look like boyfriends living together
>friend laughs and says he's going to make things gayer
>he leaves to his room 
>comes back a minute later, in an oversized shirt, 
booty shorts and thigh high socks
>severely drunk at this point but it clicks
>he's been gay the entire time
>never had a girlfriend
>probably took my jokes for flirting
>he is completely drunk and self unaware
>sits on my lap
>ohgodohfuck
top 23 comments
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[–] Kloayka@lemmynsfw.com 11 points 18 hours ago

And now I want to write a weird novella about two extremely socially awkward straight guys who end up spending the night together because they each think the other is coming out to them as gay and are willing to do anything, even unwanted sex, as long as it means they don't offend their poor, gay, socially awkward friend, lest they be mistaken for a homophobe, and lose their only friend.

[–] ryedaft@sh.itjust.works 6 points 23 hours ago
[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 71 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Thinking your same sex friend is pretty cute is definitely one of the most straight things ever

[–] dylanmorgan@slrpnk.net 19 points 1 day ago

I’d like to think I’m self aware enough that at that point I’d be like “I guess I’m at least bi”

[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 71 points 2 days ago

not sure if fake but this surely is gay

[–] kittenzrulz123@lemmy.blahaj.zone 52 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] Tungsten5@lemm.ee 17 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Do it. Sometimes a man just needs to blow out another mans man-cunt. Doesn’t make you any less of a man

[–] Gronk@aussie.zone 15 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Fucking men!? If anything that makes you more of a man.

[–] Sunsofold@lemmings.world 9 points 16 hours ago

Steve Hughes.

I've got some homophobic friends... I mean they're not mental cases, my mates. They don't hit gay men. They're not waiting in the woods with a crossbow and they're not fucking insane, right? They just don't like it, and that's their fucking deal, and they're very funny, mate. One of my mates especially... He's my age and he still can't deal with it. He's tried, but I saw him about a month ago, and he's still freaking out. "I don't like it, mate. I don't like them." I'm going, "Who?" He goes, "the puffters, mate, the gays, mate. I don't like them." I said, "Why not, mate?" He says, "I tell you why not. Cuz they're not real men... and they're not tough." "They're not tough? They fuck men. That's hardly gay." What do straight men want? *gay accent*"Ooh, I want a woman... soft... feminine..." *normal accent* "And what do you want, Dave?" "I want to fuck a bloke. I want a big strong bloke to come fuck me in the arse." Is that a bit tough for you and your pussy-loving mates, is it? Fuck you, cuz we want COCK, son. COCK! Go and play with your girly tits, you fucking gaylord.

[–] Delphia@lemmy.world 4 points 16 hours ago

Nothings more Alpha than fucking another bloke.

[–] jia_tan@lemmy.blahaj.zone 36 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

That’s sounds like a perfect relationship 😩🥺 (if we forget for a second that anon is het)

[–] je_skirata 33 points 2 days ago (1 children)

>eventually start to do these jokes myself bc my friend is kinda cute

Anon is gay

[–] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 19 points 1 day ago

Could legitimately just be aesthetic non-sexual attraction. But this is a greentext, so…

[–] PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 20 points 2 days ago

He never states that (not that we can assume an honest narrator)

[–] TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 38 points 2 days ago

Homie wants to write gay fiction. Just suck your friends dick. Open up your life

[–] pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 24 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Why can't that be me?

Oh yeah all the mental problems

[–] Sv443@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 day ago

Realest and gayest

[–] Archangel1313@lemm.ee 21 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Too late to do anything about it now, man. You're committed. Might as well take the "D".

[–] dylanmorgan@slrpnk.net 11 points 1 day ago

No necessarily, his friend’s outfit seems pretty bottom-y to me.

[–] Worx@lemmynsfw.com 8 points 1 day ago

More like take the W

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 14 points 2 days ago

I have seen a room full of drag queens that was less gay than this, and way more real

[–] baggins@lemmy.ca 14 points 2 days ago

Ohnoooo 🥺👉👈