Not gonna lie, I was here to call you an asshole for not even hearing out the request, then I read it was a random dude on the street. Nah, refusing to engage with strangers on the street in any capacity is not rude and, depending on where you live, it may be a smart thing to do.
this post was submitted on 09 Jun 2025
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As some others have said, no, it's not rude to decline. Whether or not it's rude is in how you word it. You were rude in this particular instance.
I'd like to advocate that - even if it is rude - it shouldn't be a problem. What I mean is, if you ask someone you don't know well for a favour, and you get a rude or borderline aggressive reply, just accept it and walk away. So many of us give weird-sounding answers in the spur of the moment, with no bad intentions. When you hear/receive one of those weird replies, it does no harm to give it the benefit of the doubt.
I don't disagree, but the question was whether or not it's rude. So that's what I stuck to.
On the contrary, it'd be rude to expect any other answer. Shoving expectations onto a complete stranger and then judging them for firmly denying you is what's rude here.
The question is rude in this context. It's not rude to completely ignore rude questions.
Your rationalization sounds like some self centered manipulative bullying bullshit.
you are not obligated to speak to a random person in public at all
'No.' is a complete sentence and you do not have to justify yourself in any way. I don't think that would be considered rude, either.
"You can ask."
Congrats, you just dodged a fae bargain.
Well, yes, I would say it's rude if you have no reason to say no. At least hear them out is usually considered nice.
But...
If the person is clearly wanting to sell something to me, or trick me into something, or take advantage of me (typical in touristic places) I would just say "no thanks" and move on.
my usual answer when I'm suspecting some kind of boundary-pushing behavior is "well you can ask..." ...but I have to hear out my psych patients, you don't owe strangers the same obligation.
He was probably going to ask you to take a photo or something. It’s fine to say no, but kind of rude to refuse to hear the request.
You do not owe any random person anything.
(yes really. It may be rude on occasion but you do not owe politeness to just anyone either. And oftentimes politeness is also abused)
I think I agree with most of the replies here saying that the way it was handled was rude. If the opening response to me talking to someone was like that, I would feel like, okay, who pissed in your cheerios and I would have walked off.
Like others have said, there's more to the solution than a yes or no. I personally think "depends on the favor" , is a very appropriate response, or a "maybe what do you want" Or if you're planning on saying no regardless, do it how you did, without calling the other person creepy, its just extremly rude to assume someone is a creep while also shutting them down before they can actually talk.
I'd say something like "uhhh what's up?" or "maybe?" and let them ask a specific question since saying yes sort of feels like agreeing to do the favor without knowing what it is first.
"I'm sorry but I really don't have the bandwidth right now."
Better question why do u care if its rude? You have every right to be as rude as u want to anyone u damn well please. If they are a stranger on the street who cares.
Because that stranger on the street is a real person and you want them to have a good day too.
You don't need to stress over if you came across as rude, but being polite is something I, at least, would like to try if I can.
It would be rude to not even allow them to ask. But it wouldn't be rude to turn down the favor after hearing what it is.
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"You can ask."
It's still a bit passive aggressive, I would feel.
I think if I were quick of thought (oh, how I wish!) I'd reply something positive like, "sure, what's up?" And then if the request were too onerous I'd say, "sorry, I can't."
When a stranger asks for a favor but then doesn't immediately tell you what that favor is 9 times out of 10 it's some bullshit you definitely don't want to say yes to so just the phrasing of the initial question would make me feel less inclined to respond something nice.
Not my experience. I think "can I ask you a favour" is a normal opener to a request, rather than splurting out the whole request right away.
Depends on tone, for sure.
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I don't think it's rude. It's a favor, after all, not expected behavior.
I almost always respond with, "depends on the favor." They could be asking for you to take their picture; they could be asking for $1000 for their MLM. I'm not signing a blank check by answering "yes".
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To be not rude, all you have to do is be polite.
If a stranger politely asks if you can do them a favor, you don't have to say yes, and you don't even have to ask what the favor is, but to be polite you do have to non-offensively respond to what they said. Like you can just reply "sorry, I'm busy right now" and keep walking on your way
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"Sorry, I can't help you." Why? Because sometimes I hand out random favors, but not today to you.
Why? Because I can't, like I said.
No one has to justify themselves. You asked, I said no. The end.
Not at all everyone has their own set of boundaries and if you don't want to do something for a stranger that's OK too.
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When I was growing up, attending Jewish day school, my Rabbi taught me that an opportunity to help a stranger is a gift. I would entertain the question and I recommend that you do too in the future. Obviously you don't need to comply with any unreasonable requests but typically a stranger is only going to ask you for something that takes like 2 minutes of your time and no real loss.
Helping people is enriching and will give you a sense of well-being in this fucked up grim world. You come out ahead in these situations. On the flip side, it's clear that refusing this stranger is eating at you at least a little and has done some tiny damage to your soul, strictly figuratively speaking.
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Assume they're asking because they want to make sure it's not imposing, in which case it's good to assert boundaries you need too. If they push it was just a manipulation tactic, in which case you're more than justified in walking.
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Rudeness is in the presentation, not the fact.
If you say "fuck off", that's rude.
If you say "I don't do favors for people I don't know" or "I don't take requests from strangers" those are neutral and acceptable facts.
If you say "you can ask, but it doesn't mean I'll do it" that's another neutral and acceptable way to address it if you're willing to see what the favor might be, since some favors might me acceptable.
I tend to be willing to hear the request, but only with the caveat that I will most likely not comply. Last time a stranger asked if I could "help them", my response was "I doubt I can, and I might not, but ask away". They asked, and all they wanted was a light. I no longer smoke, but I carry a lighter. So I checked the surroundings and lit his cig
Years ago, I had a patient that lived in a really shifty area, and folks would approach me on my way up to their apartment. I'd see them coming and before they could reach me, I'd tell them that if they were wanting something to not waste their time, but if they were looking for trouble, they found it.
Which was rude in other circumstances, but necessary in that place at that time.
Your response was acceptable in that time at that place. Not necessarily the friendliest way of phrasing it, but sometimes being friendly doesn't go well.
The ones that you call neutral, I would say are still rude.
There's always leeway in that kind of thing for sure.
Part of it Is what we assume is the minimum degree of energy/effort we're required to spend on a given person. Places with a higher degree of obligation to strangers are going to see what I call neutral as anything from rude to outright antisocial.
Even here in the south, where the obligation is relatively minor, my neutral would be seen as unfriendly, though not rude. People shit on southern hospitality because it can seem artificial, but there is a genuine "code" where the standard of obligation is higher than in many places in the US. Someone approaches you politely in public here, you really are supposed to hear them out at least. Some of the older folks still think that if someone drops by to visit you almost have to invite them in if they're even remotely known to you. And likely offer them a drink. And you won't talk shit about them until they leave lol.
I grew up in notoriously rude New Jersey. You might be surprised to learn that we also had a similar code, we're just less tactful about it. People in that region are assholes but genuinely kind, helpful people. Kind of like the opposite of the south.
See, that's the thing people do "the opposite of the south"
Have you been down here for extended times? Ever been in a rural town when a house burns down and everyone rallies to keep the family going? Or seen the nigh endless parade of food when a person is sick, or dying?
This fucking idea that southern manners and hospitality are fake is such bullshit. Empty headed bullshit at that. Oh, there's plenty of "bless your heart" going on, but there's also people feeding every damn kid that's in the house, no matter whose they are.
The fuck outta here with that "opposite" bullshit.
Right fucking now, my sister has three kids that are no blood relation in her house, feeding them, making sure they're clothed, making sure they were getting to school, making birthday parties happen.
Why? Because that's what you fucking do.
That's just as much a part of southern hospitality as whatever half-assed concept you think it is.
Opposite of the south. The fuck?
Yes. I have spent time living in the south and I have family from there.
Your rant has nothing to do with my comment. I was talking about superficial friendliness versus rudeness.
Well, the reason it came across otherwise is this sentence:
People in that region are assholes but genuinely kind, helpful people.
When that's followed up by "the opposite of the south", it would read that the entire sentence is what's opposite, not just part of it.
My apologies for not asking for clarification and assuming the worst.
firmly agree. It's all about the presentation. For example, using what was provided above the act of just saying no was a neutral sentence. Adding afterward that that's just sus changed it from being a neutral to a negative because now you're accusing the other person of being sketchy/sus,without providing the ability to prove otherwise. That I find rude.
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