Ask Lemmy

I wouldn't know, because I've never been wrong.

Best thing my daddy taught me; no matter how confident you are, you could always be wrong. Brains are just unreliable sometimes. Sky is blue? Could be wrong. You’re N years old? Probably… but you could be wrong.

Accepting this allows one to improve. Best we can do is recognize this, and try our best to minimize how often we’re wrong.

This has allowed me to withhold confidence in many situations. Not in deference, but in thoughtful acceptance that I truly might be wrong.

Best dad ever.

Because people tie their egos to their opinions and beliefs. They see an attack on those as an attack on their person.

We are all like this to certain extents. For example, I am a firm believer of the right of the individual to make their own choices, and believe that attempts to remove a person's right to make choices morally abhorrent.

When trying to persuade someone of something, you need to talk to the elephant, not the rider (emotion, not logic). That's why propaganda works so well and facts don't.

The answer is 1: they're stubborn, but more importantly 2: it's because the human brainly is wired to hate conflicting ideas. Quite literally, when a belief or idea of yours in countered, your brain tells you "your feeling pain and in danger", and this applies to every person, though some people feel it more strongly than others.

Cognitive dissonance. Lots of people never learn and are never taught how to separate their ego from their knowledge. It doesn't help that education still relies on punishing mistakes and failure.

Yes. Most people are this way.

Because I'm not wrong, you are.

Because most people, when they’re showing someone else that they’re wrong, choose to twist the knife about it. Onlookers add in jeers and snark, making the experience of admitting one was wrong into an unnecessarily-painful shaming event.

People don’t want to admit they’re wrong, because our culture punishes people who admit they were wrong.

In the cases when a person speaks to me as if I am someone capable of admitting I’m wrong, when they treat it like it’s no big deal I just happen to be wrong, I have no trouble admitting it.

For me what works is to show me without much emotion. Like pointing out to someone they’ve got a leaf in their hair or something. If someone comes at me, with proof that I’m wrong, in the manner of a helpful friend pointing out something I can’t see from my vantage point, it really doesn’t hurt.

But when people are calling me evil, stupid, toxic, etc, I just want to dig in my heels. I might see that I’m wrong, and at that point stop arguing my point, but I won’t actually come out and acknowledge it.

I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.

I would accept being wrong, if I ever was.

I'm not tho. 😤

I read somewhere a while back that it's supposedly an evolutionary thing. In a social competition for resource allocation, confidently arguing your position regardless of its correctness is more beneficial than admitting you may be wrong.

It's probably exacerbated by the internet, where the relative anonymity and psychological disconnection further reduces any benefits to admitting to an error.

Cognitive dissonance. People see themselves as rational and intelligent and anything that counters that is very difficult to accept, so they double down.

What makes you think it's most people? Who you hangin out with?

Remember, Confucious say: If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.

Sometimes you have to cut your losses and leave a conversation. If it’s some rando on the internet, just walk away and try not to care what they think.

With people you know and respect, you’re gonna have to hunker down for the long haul. Remember, if you come off like a jerk, they’re going to be less likely to accept your argument. Be respectful of their position but ask probing questions. Let them see for themselves that they’re wrong.

What makes you think you're the one who's in the right? You're another.

Because they're never taught or encounter the notion that its fun to be wrong and learn more to correct and be able to speak more confidently in future.

I love when people correct me and we have a little discourse and the truth-seeking function of this format is satisfied in the end with everybody playfully (or sometimes testily but still vaguely good-faith) cross-examining each other and leaving space for learning and retaining space to allow people to revise when they are genuine in their attempts to understand.

Ego has been mentioned. Sunk cost fallacy plays a part. Combine those and people tend to over value the effort they've made to form their opinion, either through some form of information consumption or synthesis of known ideas/held opinions, while devaluing/doubting the existence other people's previous efforts. So, you often end up with two people who both think they're informed and assume the other person is just making up an opinion right now and failing to see their valuable insight.

On the other side of the coin - why do so many people give others shit for being wrong, especially in areas where right or wrong has no real consequences?

I encounter that all the time especially on public forums like this. This is a quote from an article I found about it online: According to psychologist, speaker and author Guy Winch, most people who consistently refuse to admit they're wrong do so because they have incredibly fragile egos. They clam up and insist they're right, demonstrating what experts term "psychological rigidity", as a defense mechanism.

Also I think that telling someone they are wrong comes across as a criticism about their intellect and they respond defensively by instinct. And, another reason is because people don't want to believe anything that contradicts their preferred view of the world. So if you "correct" someone they tend to act like you're attacking them or as too stupid to know what "truth" is.

It's really a telling distinction because today, most people behave in this defensive way. You don't see many people willing to concede or say, "wow that's a different point of view than I have considered, maybe it requires me to spend some thought on why I feel the way I do." Which is the real value of differing opinions; they help us re-assess and redefine the reasons why we feel the way we do.

Ah, young grasshopper. You are now discovering the ways of the world. It is not enough simply to be right; one must be cool about it, too. Which unfortunately means not getting pissed off that the other person is talking bullshit, because that only makes whoever you're talking to double down, no matter how pants-on-head their point is.

As to what is wrong with them and why: pride, and embarrassment.

It's a cliche and also very hard advice to follow, but it's true that the best thing to do is smile and walk away. Know that they know you know they're wrong and an idiot, and take comfort in it.

Edit: It's very hard. I struggle with it every day, including yesterday, and today. Just gotta keep trying, we'll get it eventually, right?

Online it can become a competitive thing. They still want to "win" the argument even if the light comes on and they realize they have incorrect or incomplete information and the other side has made better arguments with better evidence. I suspect most people fall into this trap at some point in online forums. I definitely have. Guilty as charged.

And not to excuse this behavior, but part of it comes from poor sportsmanship and lack of grace from damned near everyone vis a vis Twitter/X/Facebook/reddit. People who "win" a competition like this are quick to gloat on how they "owned" the other person. Worse than this, trying to be reasonable and open-minded in these spaces often comes across as weakness.

There is a small movement of folks who call for radical empathy. This is where you do your level best to make a good faith effort to fully understand and see the merits of the other side's arguments even if you don't agree. That way lies learning and growth.

I have struggled against this for a long time. I tend to be a pretty prideful person and the urge to shift blame when I fuck up and deflect when faced with being wrong is something that has I have to actively work to correct. The difference for me came when I was younger in dealing with my parents: My dad was far from perfect and there were plenty of times he was in the wrong, but always made sure to sit down with me and apologize if he fucked up. My mom, for the most part, was better at avoiding being in the wrong in the first place, but when she was, I never once got her to apologize or admit her mistake. Of the two, I was hurt far more by the latter, and make it a point to be willing to admit my shortcomings.

The most difficult part after I identified it as an issue is to not let my willingness to apologize/admit my mistake become a carte blanche for continuing the behavior. If I fuck up, apologizing only means something if I work on the mistake. If I am wrong about somethimg, I should learn about both the thing and where my misconceptions came from.

For a lot of people, realizing it is an issue is difficult, because you first have to let go of the pride by acknowledging it. Shame isn't a good motivator, as it makes most people double down on pride.

It depends. Some people will relentlessly mock you for being wrong, no matter how you handle it. At work I have no problem admitting I messed up something, there's no point and always it's better to just fix it, right?

But with my ex, he was just dead judgemental. Might as well double down if I wasn't sure since my accuracy rate was higher than his.

With husband I can just say I don't know and it's fine. On the occasion I send him something not factual I do send correction there is no penalty, for lack of a better word.

Insecurity. People are afraid of being perceived as weak and don’t have the emotional maturity to work through it. They can’t see that it’s a sign of confidence and strength to be able to do so.

It's frustrating, because the people who normally call this out are the people who are most likely to be the ones doing it.

They see people around them fail to think critically, they criticize them for that, and then turn around and never question their own opinions. Because "obviously I am right".

Not accusing you of it, but I'm sure a lot of people reading this fall into that category. Maybe we all do.

We're not wrong OP, you're wrong!!! Right, guys?

There's also the possibility of competing interests. There's no "wrong" answer, but people will argue certain facts to persuade others to take their position. This is called "politics."

Because I'm not! I'm not I'm not I'm not!

More seriously, we tend to make it a Great Big Thing when people are wrong. If we acknowledge it and move on, and let them do the same, I'm sure admitting when we're wrong would be much less painful.

Truth is a difficult place to get there and the farther you stray from it the harder it is to get to. This is why those who lie intentionally eventually find themselves not living in reality. IE our worst politicians.

Because it's easier than admitting it