This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
I would even say don't worry too much about self-improvement. It's a vague concept that encourages you to be perpetually dissatisfied (possibly to sell you stuff).
You can always be satisfied with who you are. Remember how Mr. Rogers likes you just the way you are? You can extend that kindness to yourself. Once you've done that, then you are in the right headspace to lose some weight or improve your income or whatever.
I agree, in that “self improvement” is a fairly nebulous concept and acceptance of the self is a positive trait, but they should probably still look to improve themselves. Exercise, volunteer, pick up a hobby outside the house, cut off your toxic community and find another, etc.. Volunteering and community tend to go together, from my experience, so I’d start there.
I don't think you are totally wrong here, but I also want to push back a bit. I've seen this kind of take before, and heard it in a different form when I was struggling in my dating life. It took the form "you need to figure out {internal issue} before you start dating." And the more I read it, the more frustrated I got, because the advice seemed to boil down to "you will only be ready to date once you have committed to a bhuddist monastery, meditated for 10 years straight, and achieved enlightenment. Once all desire has left your heart - including the desire to date someone - you will be ready to date."
Which is, of course, ridiculous. Overcoming your internal struggles or learning to love yourself is a process. It is a process that almost everyone is engaging in. And no one (or almost no one) really reaches the destination permanently.
Furthermore, we should recognize that overcoming your internal struggles can't happen in a vacuum - or at least it will be a lot harder that way. Like, really, what should our incel friend do with their time? Literally the exact same thing they've been doing their whole lives, except they go to therapy once per week? If that is really all they can manage, I totally support that and applaud them for putting that effort in. But realistically, that needs to be a first step that leads to further action if they ever want to see significant changes in themselves and their lives.
If they have social anxiety, to overcome it they must go out into the world and talk to people. And by actually going out and doing something with the intention of improving yourself and your life, you learn to love yourself more. In this case, you might learn that people are generally nice, and will be nice to you. You might be proud of yourself for overcoming your fears and doing something that was difficult for you. And you might love yourself more because you have experienced that you have the capacity to change and become more like the person you want to be.
Of course, if you are truly dedicated to leaving the wheel of samsara, then certainly, focus all your attention on learning to love yourself. But my personal experience is that when I improved myself, my life got better, and I became happier - even if that initial spark of wanting to improve came from feelings of inadequacy or self hatred or frustration or rage. And through the process of improving myself, I was forced to confront my inner demons in a far more visceral way that helped me overcome them. And now that I have improved myself and my life, I am in a much better place to work on my internal world and learn to love myself more.
It's okay to chase the dragon of self improvement, or of achieving worldly desires. The bhudda is equally found on the meditation mat and in the snake oil in the GNC pre-work out aisle.
Isn't self-acceptance considered self-improvement?
Very well said.
Love from others comes after a love of self.
Goddamn right, Bob.
The same is true on a political level which is a crab bucket when they tell you that things can't improve and that you shouldn't even have any hopes.
Whenever there’s a post about a protest, or a politician actually works to block a Trump bill, there’s always someone who pops into the comments to go “iT wOn’T cHaNgE aNyThInG.”
It’s pretty clear who’s never taken any sort of political action before in their lives. Those that participate in activism know that change doesn’t happen in one big event, but momentum snowballs over time. Discouraging people who put effort into change only works to empower those who oppress us.
"Misery loves company."
Stephen King's Misery 2
Incels hasn't been about that in a long time. It's already evolved into "self-improvement" by adopting far-right extremist ideology. In particular that of being a hyper-masculine bigotted conservative man. Their underlying theory of world is still the same. Love is fake and women cheat and leave you taking all your money unless you become the strong man chad and dominate her. Instead of the pit of self loathing based on the premise that everyone is out to get you. You become the biggest alpha over every other guy. Fundamentally the ideology is the flip side of the same coin. It's a very dark misanthropic view of the world.
It's surely been some sort of cult brainwashing. Tear guys down with crab bucket mentality. Then build them up according to their doctrine.
There are some women who want exactly that kind of man. OTOH, even around the reddest part of Florida, most women put something on their dating profile to reject those men. Dated more than ever during the pandemic, yeah, weird, I know, but here's what I saw and heard.
Despite being a middle-aged white guy, my looks and profile were clearly, to me anyway, liberal. Did quite well! LOL, friends and neighbors were making fun of me regarding all the women in and out the house. (That wasn't on purpose, most just didn't work out.) As I said, there were a handful of profiles saying "conservatives only, no liberals". Given the politics of the region, those were shockingly rare.
I can only imagine that going red ain't working out so well for incels. And the downward spiral continues.
EDIT: I worked hard on the meme. Please clap.
They took "self-improvement" to mean physical health while completely ignoring mental and emotional health.
If anyone hasn't seen Femcel spaces, you could always go and browse reddit.com/r/femaledatingstrategy
Which is why the Lemmy equivalent has banned that type of thinking/posts.
thinking is overrated anyways
It's about the same as incel shit really. You'd think it would get banned like incel stuff is, but it's tolerated because men are not a protected class.
I mean, there's nothing wrong with improving yourself for the sake of improving yourself.
Robots arms it is
But what if you improve yourself and then become a better person for nothing? :P
Surprise, surprise, you reached Nirvana.
Then you'll be more valuable to your corporate masters. Everybody wins!
Damn. I know the community tab here says I'm not suppose to agree with anon, but damn, I have to
You... bothered to read the rules... in a 4chan focused community?
Yes
This tab seems to be written for the mod to deflect accusation of supporting the Lemmy-unapproved dark sides of 4chan that may come up in green texts.
This was a test. You failed.
And by that, I mean you passed.
I mean, so unreal and non hetero.
Anon didn't even suggest incels and femcels trade virginity
why label and tribalism. just be you and do you things and if that intersects with someone else or not, who cares, you're just you as your true self. Leaving that space to find someone is silly nonsense that probably won't work out well because that person is not the real you. Pursue your curiosities until it takes you to your happy place
Idk, if "doing you" means never leaving home, you're not getting chances to actually find someone that you intersect with. You do need to make a conscious effort to put yourself out there so you have those chances, and you should put some effort into improving your confidence to maximize your chances. Don't change who you are to please someone, but do shower and put on a clean shirt.
Not really the point of what I am saying. I am speaking for the other person too without bias or assumptions and I am not pushing anyone to conform to some stereotype. If you're happy wearing dirty shirts, not showering, and staying at home, that is perfectly valid. You can and should just be yourself. If you feel the need to be someone else or wear any mask of assumption or conformity, you're potentially hurting someone else and offering a fake version of yourself. If you're lonely, pursue your curiosity in spaces where other people interact. Don't just go to where you might find people. You do not exist in that space; that is not you. On a subtle non obvious level, going to a space for not you reasons like this is predatory.
I am actually saying, you're allowed to be happy or content with whatever state of self awareness and intelligent engagement you push yourself to achieve. The pursuit of raw self motivated curiosity is the only way to expand self awareness from within and grow. When motivated purely from within one's self, one will eventually achieve one's true potential while being true to self.
No one deserves to partner with someone that later never showers and never leaves the house after they remove the mask of their true self.
So you see, I'm saying the same thing but with the nuance of the best interests of all parties involved. Don't tell people to conform to combat loneliness. Make an attempt to inspire their curiosity and self growth if you feel like you've spotted some inadequacy, but ultimately let them be themselves so that they are not masking to hurt someone else.
Relationships certainly can and do change people, but let those that want to change someone find their query in the true depths of the coal mine if they choose lest they unwittingly find themselves on an impossible journey to the center of the Earth.
Jon Arbuckle dances to the lyric "I'll either live or die alone".
Banger!
Based anon