this post was submitted on 03 Jul 2025
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No Stupid Questions

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I prefer web over app. I tried a site which was said to be free. signup was fine so i started to use the site only to realise to see my matches or start chats i had to pay for a "premium" account or something. that really annoys me and it's a waste of my time so does anyone know any good dating sites which are actually free, as in i don't have to pay to use the site for what it should be used for? thx in advance 👍

oh and I'm looking for men, forgot to specify lol

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[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 3 points 43 minutes ago

I'm sure there are some out there. But they won't be any good.

Tinder, Hinge, Bumble. That's what people are on. Maybe there is something else popular in your area - ask your friends. If you try to go somewhere else (unless you are trying to fit a specific niche like being gay or kinky or a farmer) then you will miss out on most of the online dating market. And spoiler: it will be the good part you are missing out on. The guys you want to match with aren't making accounts on "random dating app lolz", because there is no one there so it is a waste of time.

[–] Psythik@lemmy.world 10 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

As someone who used them for over a decade before giving up, I can assure you that dating websites are a complete and utter waste of time. You can't even get a conversation started, let alone a date.

I highly recommend you do it the natural way: if you see someone you like, ask them out. You are a woman so this is extremely easy for you. Most men can't even say "hi" to a woman in public, because there are so many shitty men out there harassing women that the good guys don't even get a chance. So we're often afraid to say anything because we don't want women to assume that we're one of them.You don't have this problem, so ask away. You'd be surprised by how easily guys will say "yes".

[–] shplane@lemmy.world 6 points 11 hours ago

Meetup.com

I know, I know, but really, it’s better than any actual dating app.

[–] GladiusB@lemmy.world 11 points 13 hours ago

Dating sites are there to make money off of desperation. Matches are intentionally superficial or completely off base. They won't give away a product that you are willing to pay for. Because then they lost two customers.

[–] nutsack@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 12 hours ago
[–] inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world 4 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (3 children)

I never gave HER a dime but it was the platform I met my eventual wife on. However unless you're looking to meet other ladies, it's probably not the app for you.

[–] frenchfryenjoyer@lemmings.world 4 points 11 hours ago

Yeah I should've specified I'm after guys lol I'll edit my description

[–] LadyButterfly@lemmy.world 4 points 11 hours ago

I once had a date with a pole dancer off Her. I never mention it, constantly.

[–] Witchfire@lemmy.world 2 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

I tried HER years ago and left unimpressed. I found my partner of 5yrs on OkCupid though

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 4 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (2 children)

OkCupid is a dead/dying site. It sounds like you specifically got off it just as it started its decline.

It's probably not any worse than Tinder though. On account of match.com buying both...

[–] Triasha@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

I met my wife on OK cupid. 8 years ago though.

[–] Witchfire@lemmy.world 1 points 5 hours ago

At the time, OkC was more for people seeking relationships. I did hear they took all the good features out of it though. I had used Tinder for 5-6 years prior to that without any luck because it's only for unicorns and people looking for a fling. Not sure how it is nowadays

[–] Pondis@lemmy.world 12 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Im a 40m divorcee and I am absolutely out of my depth thinking about dating.

I have looked at the apps and sites and they never go anywhere for me. No matches or conversations that go no where.

I sort of think that meeting someone will happen when it happens, but I really miss that excitement of learning all about someone and talking all night.

Im also interested in meeting someone outside of my country, because Id love to experience something new, but that makes me look like a scammer.

[–] thatradomguy@lemmy.world 2 points 11 hours ago

May the chances be in your favor, brother. 🤝

[–] LordWiggle@lemmy.world 16 points 19 hours ago (4 children)

I like OK Cupid. It works perfectly without paying and matches are better as they are based on questions you answer and profiles contain more info. So it's less evaluating lifestock like Tinder.

There's also Bumble, it used to be that the woman needs to start talking when matched within 24h otherwise the match disappears. This is so women won't get spammed by loads of men. I heard they would change it, but I'm not sure if they actually did. It works fine without paying.

There's Boo, which I think is mostly for autistic and introvert people. Works fine with the free version.

There's Feeld, which works great without paying. The focus is mainly on sex, not so much relationship material imo.

[–] BlackPenguins@lemmy.world 11 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

OKC is basically 90% bots now. I have 100+ likes. None are from my area or even my country.

[–] CascadianGiraffe@lemmy.world 1 points 10 hours ago

Do the bots at least use AI to chat? Because that's going to be better than the one word answers I get from the real people.

[–] some_random_nick@lemmy.world 3 points 15 hours ago

Bumble did chenge that. Now the woman decides who has to start the convo once they match. You can also set some prompts for the other person to reply to.

[–] Occultist0178@lemmy.world 8 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Ok Cupid used to be kind that, but they completely butchered the question part of it, in my opinion it is no longer useful. Also as a white cis male you get spammed there by literally hundreds of accounts from the Philippines. Makes the whole thing useless in my opinion

[–] LordWiggle@lemmy.world 3 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

Yeah that's true. About 60% of the women I see are from Asia / Africa / South America.

I wish they would disable the custom location feature to solve this clutter.

I live in The Netherlands, there are enough people here on the app to make it worth while. It's how I met my new partner.

[–] thatradomguy@lemmy.world 2 points 11 hours ago

I live in The Netherlands, there are enough people here on the app to make it worth while. It’s how I met my new partner.

Congrats btw

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 2 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

I wish they would disable the custom location feature to solve this clutter.

It's REALLY useful for travelling/migration. I made a penpal/IRL friend through there using this very feature. They should deal with it by reports and etc.

[–] LordWiggle@lemmy.world 2 points 10 hours ago

Yeah, that's how I met my current partner. She lives in Portugal but had her location in my city. It does have benefits, but it also extremely clutters the app with gold diggers from the other side of the globe.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 7 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

There's Boo, which I think is mostly for autistic and introvert people. Works fine with the free version.

Oooo... I'm gonna have to try this one.

[–] LordWiggle@lemmy.world 6 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

I'm not a big fan though. It's also a sort of social media. There are many people on there from Asia and Africa, cluttering the user base.

I had 3 matches which ended in extended conversations, but in all 3 cases (don't know if it's coincidence) they were trying to cheat on their partner. I'm poly, I don't mind sharing, but cheating on someone is not going to happen with me.

About poly, OK Cupid has the option to say you're monogamous, polyamorous (with account links possible) or open to either. So it's a great app for finding poly people or focus on mono people without matching with the poly ones (saves a conversation)

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 5 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (2 children)

Yeah... I have been on there since making that comment and just looking in a 40 mile radius, a majority of the profiles I am seeing are unvaccinated red hats. 😮‍💨

The idea is still nice, but... You're still at the mercy of who is actually near enough to meet. And I live in dumbfuckville.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 1 points 7 hours ago

Does make you stand out from the crowd if you're not that though

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[–] lordnikon@lemmy.world 40 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Yeah it's a known thing that match bought all the dating sites and turned them in to tinder and made the algorithm to not to help you find someone but just keep you on the site. So they just watch your patterns to keep you searching and give you just enough hope so you don't leave / stop paying.

The question i have is not even about dating but just making IRL friends. Stuff like meet-up is full of scams and professional networking. Where what I'm looking for is a site where I can find people that share my hobbies/interests.

[–] thatradomguy@lemmy.world 2 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

The question i have is not even about dating but just making IRL friends. Stuff like meet-up is full of scams and professional networking. Where what I’m looking for is a site where I can find people that share my hobbies/interests.

I'm struggling with finding this kind of culture home too. I feel like meetup used to have more events in my area—and I'm practically in the the city and near big metro area—but ever since pandemic, I have no clue where to find people. Not that I did before because I've been a shut-in for most of my life but hot damn, I feel like eventually I will just finally give up and show up to a board game/card game event even though I'm not good at them. I would love if there was a calligraphy type of group thing in my area but I digress.

[–] lordnikon@lemmy.world 3 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah im in a metro as well. It's a challenge with just showing up for me is my disability makes people shy away from engaging with me. Like they are not mean or anything but they just don't want to deal with the perceived awkwardness of interacting with someone who can't walk unassisted.

Yeah this is a big thing. The abled person gaze is something else.

[–] orgrinrt@lemmy.world 7 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

They are doing an awful job of it, if that is the case. Most of my last few relationships, serious and casual alike, were from tinder, and those few that weren’t, were surprisingly enough, from jodel. But tinder has been the cultural standard here for a longish while now, and most everyone I know, friends and acquaintances, have met their partners from there. And after passing 30, not many are single anymore, and only very few in casual/serial relationships. So most are in stable committed relationships, of which most were from tinder.

Personally I never spent any money there and I don’t know any that have (though they could just be omitting it or it never just came up, I digress), yet I don’t really know many single people anymore either thanks to it.

So if their intention is keeping people searching, they really make it way too convenient and nice an experience to meet people and fall in love.

Could this maybe be a thing that EU somehow makes better here, versus e.g the US that I can sadly imagine would actually give all the tools for the companies to actively make it an eternal search… it feels to me it’s too good an experience for most I know for our experience to be the outlier. Why would people use it anyway, if it didn’t work?

[–] knexcar@lemmy.world 4 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Jodel? The app used exclusively by my coworkers to post memes about their job, and seemingly not much else?

[–] orgrinrt@lemmy.world 3 points 15 hours ago

Well, it’s been a few years now, but there used to be a fairly active hookup scene in this town, though that wasn’t my scene. It’s all things local at least here. Often people would just message you for various reasons, whatever you post, and sometimes it’d just lead to things once you chat a bit. I don’t think you could post memes or whatever back then, you could only take pictures with camera, couldn’t attach arbitrary images (e.g memes).

[–] zarathustra0@lemmy.world 80 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I think the way you're supposed to do it now is to post one of the JD Vance memes into c/196 and try DMing the first person who comments. Rinse and repeat until the desired outcome is achieved.

[–] user224@lemmy.sdf.org 29 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Beebabe@lemmy.world 13 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago)

Great question. Tried the paid thing (38f). Lots of decent (superficially) matches, none of whom shared my values or interest. It was a huge waste of money across apps.

[–] cecilkorik@lemmy.ca 62 points 1 day ago (9 children)

From my understanding (and experience) dating apps/online dating in general is dead, fucked up beyond repair by capitalism, toxic incels, predators, scammers, crooks and most recently AI. No technology can possibly survive such an onslaught and most of them wouldn't profit from doing so. They have a financial incentive to attract repeat customers.

In person meeting and dating should be the obvious alternative, but apparently nobody goes out socializing anymore since COVID and nobody can afford hobbies because of the economy and chronic social malaise and terminal online doomscrolling has broken people's ability to form human connection anyway so I think civilization is probably just ending after these last few generations, frankly.

If there is a useful option I'd love to know what it is too.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 29 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Go to protests. Meet cool people.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago

Yeah you can’t really talk though.

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[–] xavier666@lemmy.umucat.day 5 points 20 hours ago

dating apps/online dating in general is dead, fucked up beyond repair by capitalism, toxic incels, predators, scammers, crooks and most recently AI. No technology can possibly survive such an onslaught and most of them wouldn’t profit from doing so. They have a financial incentive to attract repeat customers

Thank you for writing exactly what I was thinking.

I heard that Japan is starting to implement a government sponsored/made matchmaking app. The core advantage is that the intention of the platform is to actually match people and make people have babies. Plus, if someone is being naughty, the penalties can be much higher than a simple account ban.

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[–] whyrat@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago

A similar question was asked about 2 weeks ago; I was going to link to that but it was since deleted; so here's a copy & paste of my reply instead. Note payment wasn't raised in that discussion; my response to that would be: is potentially meeting people interested in dating you worth the fee (to me that answer was yes)? If a service provides value to me I'm happy to pay a reasonable amount.


A lot of negative comments. I went through a divorce last year (male, mid 40s), and used dating apps when I was ready to start meeting people. I was apprehensive going in but ended up shocked by how positive the results were. After a week or two I would have several matches and pause searching while I talked with those and planned in-person meetings. Most profiles you’ll never get a reply. Of those you match again, half likely never respond to initial introductions / questions. But, if you live in a major metro area there’s still plenty of people looking for relationships if you’re willing to filter through that. I’m now happily in a relationship for the past few months so I’ve stopped using these apps.

I tried 3: eHarmony, hinge, and bumble. Here’s my feedback from best to worse.

Hinge: encourages discussion as an initial match prompt. I met the most people on this app and many matches led to in person dates. Met the person I’m currently dating seriously on here.

Bumble: costs money to send a comment / question, free to “just swipe”. Kept showing me profiles for people currently within my search distance, but who have listed another major city as their home (I guess they’re connecting through the airport and on the app?). Went on multiple dates with matches, fewer than hinge.

eHarmony: where I originally met my previous wife ~20 years ago. Now had the fewest matches and worst experience (and highest cost). I stopped checking this one after about a month. Went on only 1 date.

Feedback from my matches about the app: many men are using it to find people to cheat with / aren’t serious about a relationship. All of them told me actually holding a conversation on the app put me in the “top tier” of their matches. Many shared that matches just gave super short answers then asked for a phone number. Several noted that half the time they shared a number they almost immediately received dick pics. Multiple said matches tried to get them into crypto (?!?!).

For me (busy work schedule, and still spend half my time with kids) the experience was far better than any dates friends or co workers suggested. The profiles are not super deep… Yes everyone loves live music, travel, and The Office. I wanted to connect over something more specific than that. At least the people you match with are also looking for a relationship. Meeting people through my hobbies at 40+ most are in long term relationships or not interested in starting one. The apps are largely superficial… Half the first dates I went on one or both of us decided not to have a second date. Which is honestly expected… Even after filtering through the profiles and messaging in app you still only know the basics for most people.

For you specifically: many matches took issue with the recent timing of my divorce. If you’re separated (not divorced) expect that to be a deal breaker for many.

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