At press time, Wheeler announced he would instead be attending PragerU.
That last line brought the whole thing together.
this post was submitted on 07 Jan 2024
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Agreed, was meh until then but the punchline was worth it.
idk, "even though my father raped someone at the same college" definitely made contact
Like Brock Turner, convicted rapist?
Exactly like Brock Turner, rapist who got convicted to 3 months of wrist slapping.
Rapist Allen Turner, aka rapist Brock Turner, who got a 6-month slap-on-the-wrist sentence for what his father called (and I quote) "twenty minutes of action"? That rapist Allen Turner (aka rapist Brock Turner)? The one who only served 3 months?!
Are we talking about convicted rapist Brock “Allen” Turner? The guy who was convicted for raping somebody and only got a 3 month sentence? That Brock “Allen” Turner?
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The one who lives in Dayton Ohio and goes by Allen these days?
To be fair, that's 3 whole months of punishment for "just a few minutes of action"
THAT IS ACTUALLY WHAT HIS FATHER SAID TO ATTEMPT TO APPEAL THE DECISION, I'M NOT FUCKING JOKING!
Brock Allen Turner, convicted rapist who is now going by Allan Turner to hide the fact that he's a convicted rapist.
Imagine being the stock photo for this article.
Hopefully it's an AI photo.
I just need to express how perfect that title is. The way it changes meaning with almost every additional word is really impressive.
The Onion has been doing perfect titles for decades. It's become harder for them in recent years, with reality coming to meet The Onion.
Shouldve had a rich parents. /s
Could he swim?
Last sentence is gold. Worth the read.