It's kinda like going to a new job. It's only scary because it's new. As long as you're not on your phone the whole time or driving drunk it's a lot easier than you'd think

Tbh the hardest part (at least in America) is some intersections are weird, but 90% of the time you'll have people in front of you to copy and figure it out.

Sounds like a pretty normal first time out. You'll get used to the streets around where you live and then you'll get the same experience the first time you drive somewhere new. Then again the first time you get on a high speed highway. Then the first time you drive in a city downtown.

You'll get comfortable with all those situations eventually and each one will make adapting to the next situation easier.

I never learnt to drive as a kid because of anxiety, but now I don't because of mental health reasons (namely ADHD and chronic fatigue) and philosophical reasons (fuck cars). I usually walk to places or catch trains and I think that's also better for my mental health than stressing about cars, maintaining them, or injuring someone.

I also think I'm allergic to tire soot as my chest tightens and my sinuses die when I walk by a highway. So there's also that.

Don't push yourself beyond your limits with driving, because your and other's safety will be on the line. That being said though, you should be fine as plenty of other people with ADHD manage driving :)

Whatever happens to you, I hope you stay safe!

I used to HATE driving. Couldn’t be convinced to enjoy it in any capacity for the first two years or so. But eventually, you get to a point where it’s just second nature, and it ends up just being a time where you’re alone in an enclosed space and can just listen to music or books or something and almost meditate (of course, still paying attention to the road, lol). Now, I LOVE driving! It’s normally pretty relaxing, even if I have to go on longer 5-6 hour drives every few months. It most certainly gets better with time :)

Relax, it's completely normal to feel strange. You're learning a new skill, plus you've grown up watching fiery car explosions. Modern cars are well designed to prevent injuries in crashes.

It's intimidating but once you get over that initial hurdle you'll be amazed how second nature it becomes in time.

I fucking love driving, I even have a manual.

I fucking hate other drivers and bikers, to the petty point of wishing a terrible death to those who can't follow basic traffic rules.

I hate driving so much that I choose to live in a place with good public transportation and bike lanes so that I don’t have to.

(not ADHD, very likely Autistic)

I can't drive either. I thought it might improve over time, but I committed to a year of driving my daily commute and it didn't improve at all. Having to constantly keep my attention on the road and road signs continues to be incredibly exhausting, and it eats up so much of my time. I'm probably going to have to pick it up again soon out of necessity and I'm not looking forward to it.

I'm not adhd but I do remember my first lessons and it was like you described. Sooo many road signals and inputs to process. It DOES get easier with time, a bit from muscle memory, a bit from learning how to the vehicle handles and responds (there is a small learning curve with learning a new vehicle every time though). And yeah, learning on a suv is not the easiest thing. Driving in the dark is also more complicated (having to pay so much attention to bikes for example). So basically you are learning on hard mode! It took me 20+ hours with the instructor to be ready for the exam, so don't despair!

I would suggest a few things:

1. Be consistent: When you drive, even if you are not experience, if you maintain the same speed and acceleration you should be fine as other cars can predict your movement and go around you.

2. Use the triangle signal: If you felt a little bit uncomfortable just click the tringle signal. Other cars will be scared of you and gave you the right of way and hopefully slow down.

3. Drive in optimal condition:

Sleepy ? Rainy or foggy weather? Need to eat or use the washroom? Dont drive. Take an uber if needed but don't drive.

4. Drive slowly:

Even if people get angry at you ignore them. Driving slowly increase your ability to react to denger. If someone bother you use the triangle signal and they will think something wrong with your car and ignore you.

I had some lessons and found it completely terrifying too. I'm too easily overwhelmed and don't have the reaction times to feel safe while controlling a vehicle. Like, I can drive, and in zen mode I'm even pretty good at it- but all it takes is some flashing lights and/or sudden loud noise and I'm unable to continue driving as my brain's filled with static.

Luckily I've always enjoyed walking and lived in places with public transport options.

You are absolutely not alone. When you first start out, everything is overwhelming because the minutae hasn't become muscle memory yet. You also get better at anticipating what other drivers on the road are about to do, and your reaction times get quicker.

Check out defensive driving concepts like covering the brake when reducing speed by moving your foot from acceleration to hover over the brake pedal, in case you need to press it. Looking 3 cars ahead of you to see the flow of traffic ,managing your own speed, leaving 2 to 3 seconds of space between the car in front of you (usually at least one car length if not more). Using signals, watching for hazards, and above all else, staying calm.

At first just lining up your wheels with the lines on the road takes a little thought, but once you get that down you can return to it when you feel overwhelmed, then ya take a breath and scan your mirrors. You will be just fine!

I like driving, but I'm a total hoon. You'd think you'd grow out of it at 21 but at 40 it's still racecar.

I've got a very small car (935kg) with a stick shift and stiff suspension. Environmental feedback is your friend. Tune your car to exaggerate it. You'll zone out much less.

Full-pace forces full attention.

If you can see someone, expect them to try and kill you or themselves. Expect that person to cut you off without signal, or the pedestrian to jump into the middle of the road. Leave yourself enough room on all sides for evasive maneuvers.

That’s something my motorcycle instructor said, and I haven’t been in an accident since.

Stressful, but you learn how to deal with the stress. It took me baby steps to get into driving, and living in a small town just a minute drive away from a giant parking lot did help out heaps with getting over the nerves.

A good thing to keep in mind for me is that most people out there aren't being dickheads. Many are, but most people just wanna get home safely. A lot of those people are unfortunately, unbelievably stupid behind the wheel. Drive defensively. Stay aware of where every vehicle nearby is in relation to your own, try to give vehicles as much space as necessary, and make sure your mirrors are covering as much blind space as possible. You can usually find small mirrors in auto shops that glue to your wing mirrors which can help cover a blind spot the regular mirrors might not be able to. Assuming everybody is actively trying to kill you can help learn defensive driving, but I prefer to expect people to be passively stupid rather than actively malicious. Same end result but with less anger.

I managed to get a license, but have barely driven in the 10 years since. If I ever need to drive again, I'll probably take some lessons again since I have 0 confidence. The car I learnt to drive in could just pull away from standstill (even on a hill) with only using the clutch. My parent's cars could not, which made me constantly stall in stressful situations and forced me to basically relearn many tricks. It ruined the little confidence I had. Add to that the fact that I struggle with reading other people's intentions, which can get stressful when zooming around in a car at 60+ kph. The final nail in the coffin is that I have no car and want no car. I can get everywhere I want with my bicycle and public transport just fine.

Maybe at one point I will have to force myself to drive, since it can be pretty handy to be able to drive when I need to move houses or help family or something.

I live in a car centric area so I honestly didn't have most of the nuance of what a car was along with its deadly stipulations, all I knew is I wanted to drive so I didn't need to rely on my parents schedules. It's kinda crazy how I had little to no fear when I was learning to drive just because at the time I was unaware of the heavy machinery I was using.

The best way to really get comfortable with it is to start on backroads, parking lots, etc. that's where I began. We also got lucky and found a horrible American style suburban development that hadn't been developed yet which was good for turns, 3 point turns, etc.

The best bit of advice I can give you....drive predictably the road is NOT a place to be courteous. You cannot assume what people are doing, it's important to watch them and be able to adapt. The amount of accidents or near accidents I've seen where the driver that was hit had stopped to "let someone go". Seriously, the Car is the one place I think it's okay to say "everyone is an idiot", and to treat them as such. Sometimes you're that idiot and it's okay. Learn from it and move on.

You're going to make mistakes, just observe other drivers, learn from them and you will be okay. If you're ever too nervous to drive it's okay to pull over, calm down, then try again. Driving while nervous is the last thing you should do next to driving while drunk and driving while tired.

One thing I eventually learned was, no matter how fast you try to go, you're never going to save more than a minute or two which isn't worth the added risk.

Getting easily tired while driving soooooo....
Kinda difficult. :)

ADHD here driving for about 5 years

As others have already been popping in here a tip that works great for me (and actually I’d give to anyone driving) is I like to drive with a better safe than sorry mentality and over all drive cautiously

Making an unprotected left turn for example, I’m sitting at the light waiting for the on coming car to pass I’ll wait if I have any doubt i won’t make it. I’m probably going think “am i really sitting here I could have totally made that turn” but it’s better than the alternative of getting hit

A more adhd focused tip that personally I don’t like it because I find it distracting but my GF is diagnosed with adhd (she thinks it’s autism) listens to a play list to help her focus

Personally I couldn’t do a radio or playlist cus I’d be too distracted by trying to find a perfect song or something

Now of course you want to be aware of as much as possible when driving but sometimes when I drive I… tune out sint the right word, but id say focus my attention on the immediate surroundings when my brain is bad

Kinda what I mean is I know there’s a car tow lanes over and some guy 3 cars ahead of me, but I can only pay attention the 1 car ahead of me and to my sides an behind

That’s not a perfect description of what I do actually phrasing it like that make it sound dangerous but once I’ve established that “local area” I expand my attention outwards the back to local then expand again so it makes me aware of all that’s going on around me

And like others have said driving is a different and difficult experience when your starting so if you practice and it still feels like you can’t do it then probably carpool or take transit or something

Kinda turned into a word vomit so hopefully there’s something resembling a coherent idea in here

An SUV is very different from a compact car. Small cars tend to have better visibility and maneuverability, and are just easier to drive. If it's with your budget, an electric car is also easier to drive (and cheaper overall) because you don't have to worry about gears.

The first few lessons will be overwhelming, particularly with stickshift. As you practice, you'll start doing more things without thinking, like when you put your foot down while stopping on a bike. I bet you haven't thought about that for a few years.

Just take it slow, and trust that the instructor will not push you beyond your limits. After a few months/years you'll wonder why you thought driving was even difficult.

If it were a reasonable option, I'd pick the train every time.