This reads like a copypasta, reminds me of this classic

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

Dear god this reads like a stroke

This is what it looks like to be functionally illiterate.

Man that lead poisoning is serious.

Behold. Now I am where house shoes.

Poe's Law on this one. It reads like a troll, but it also could be earnest.

This reads like those alien comics describing human activities.

E: Ah, it was Nathan Pyle's Strange Planet

Ngl I got 4 or 5 sentences in and I'm just not reading the rest, exhausting to decipher

Just a reminder that these dipshits vote! So should you!

Reston VA is a very odd place. Its a suburb of Washington DC and was an old planned community from the 1970s. Lots of HOAs, community planning initiatives and other civil boards for all sorts of things. This town is anathema to the concept of sovereign citizens.

So about two hours ago, and this is true, two people came onto my property, uninvited, which is unbelievable, and they tried to take my very powerful, very beautiful gas-powered vehicle. And I said to myself, I said, 'We're not going to let that happen.' My incredible mate, very smart, sees them and calls out to me. I'm where I keep my shoes, very good shoes, by the way, and I see this golf cart, this crazy golf cart, speeding away from the beautiful homes that I, by the way, have done an amazing job in building. I ran, I got my keys – very important, the keys – and I started my vehicle. I chased them, folks, I really did, like nobody has ever chased anyone before.

And they were driving through the neighborhood – which is a fantastic neighborhood, by the way, lots of good people there – and they crashed into the mailbox, which is a disaster, a total disaster. But they ran into the woods, and people couldn't believe it. They asked me, 'Did you call the police?' And I said, 'No, why would I call the police?' Because there's no trade happening, no commerce, it was just about respect, respect for property.

And you know, I don't need to rely on anyone for security. I've got a Second Amendment right, and I've got a gun – a very big, very powerful gun that's loaded and ready, because that's how you keep safe. And I'm telling you, I'm very smart, very mentally strong, and we're living in tough times, folks, tough times with desperate people. And I live in Virginia, a beautiful place, Reston, Virginia, with lots of houses, not like the places I used to live, not at all. So we've got to be smart, we've got to be vigilant, and we've got to travel light. That's what I do, and that's what we all should do. Thank you.

Sovcit in Reston? Good fucking luck.

Do they think that using these weird, annoying synonyms makes them sound smart, or provides them some legal protection? Reading this caused me pain

Surprising that this guys knows how to use ChatGPT to replace all words with synonyms.

Are they British or do they just call their SO "my mate"?

Sounds like a cop trying to sound intelligent.

This reads like it was made by AI having been trained on only a dictionary, a thesaurus and an abridged copy of "The UCC Connection" by Howard Freeman.

maybe alternate timelines are real, and these guys live in one

This is what happens when we let people with brainworms own firearms. Murder waiting to happen.