this post was submitted on 09 Feb 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

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Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

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-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

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[–] TxzK@lemmy.zip 114 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 35 points 9 months ago (4 children)
[–] munkinasack@lemmy.ml 17 points 9 months ago (1 children)

And breathing would be nice

[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 21 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I don't know don't want to feel too picky

[–] blanketswithsmallpox@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago

Besides, she could just be being friendly. You never know.

[–] brown567@sh.itjust.works 7 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I think sapience is a prerequisite to consent, so humans would be the only qualified candidate (native to earth at least)

[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Cops are pigs yet they can consent

[–] brown567@sh.itjust.works 12 points 9 months ago

Oh yeah, good point!

  1. Consenting adult
  2. Not a cop
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[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 9 months ago

As long as it passes the Harkness test, I’m down.

[–] GhostFence@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago

*Elven women grumble on the sidelines*

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[–] Diplomjodler@feddit.de 78 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Now, I don't want to be too picky, but her being alive would be nice.

[–] fl42v@lemmy.ml 29 points 9 months ago (1 children)

> Hi mom, hi dad! Meet my gf [redacted]!

*whispering*

> Yes, she's a little bit dug up corpse, but don't say that around her: she's kinda sensitive about it.

(Stolen from a random video/podcast)

[–] ignotum@lemmy.world 8 points 9 months ago

I also get upset when people say i look like a corpse,

Just because i am one doesn't mean you have to constantly point it out!

[–] MissJinx@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago

I mean, alive, consenting age, not Intellectually disable, not in a coma.. also, we all know can"t be fat

[–] SamLeeway@lemmy.blahaj.zone 51 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] KpntAutismus@lemmy.world 10 points 9 months ago

instance checks out

[–] eya@lemmy.dbzer0.com 46 points 9 months ago

Female (optional)

[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 45 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Not even that. If they are just feminine thats enough for me

[–] ARk@lemm.ee 8 points 9 months ago

furries have entered the chat

[–] DrownedRats@lemmy.world 31 points 9 months ago

Negotiable...

[–] ransomwarelettuce@lemmy.world 31 points 9 months ago
[–] HenriVolney@sh.itjust.works 29 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Too bad you're cutting off half of human population! ;-)

[–] ONRYO@feddit.ch 9 points 9 months ago

Yeah op got no chance

[–] callyral@pawb.social 21 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Meanwhile, here are my Garfield requirements:

  1. is an orange cat

  2. is funny

  3. is part of a comic strip called "Garfield"

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[–] 1984 20 points 9 months ago (2 children)

And girls have the opposite problem. Too many guys out there who are interested, but no way to know which ones are good.

[–] TheGrandNagus@lemmy.world 34 points 9 months ago (3 children)

Being a straight man looking for a partner is like dying of thirst in a desert.

Being a straight woman looking for a partner is like dying of thirst at sea.

[–] ConstantPain@lemmy.world 27 points 9 months ago

Is it because sea water is undrinkable?

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[–] volvoxvsmarla@lemm.ee 13 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Maybe the main problem is that the guys who are interested are solely interested because the girls require their one and only requirement of being, well, female.

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[–] mechoman444@lemmy.world 16 points 9 months ago

Preferably but negotiable.

[–] Secret300@sh.itjust.works 15 points 9 months ago
[–] morgunkorn@discuss.tchncs.de 14 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (6 children)

So closed-minded! I'm sure you could loosen a bit this criterium, think of all the cute cat-eared femboys available in your area.

edit: typo

[–] dlpkl@lemmy.world 23 points 9 months ago (4 children)

How is this different from a straight guy trying to seduce a lesbian?

[–] TheGrandNagus@lemmy.world 10 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (3 children)

Call me crazy, but I think it was just a joke continuing along the lines of OPs "I'm not picky" joke, on a shitpost community, not a serious request to be OP's partner.

Like if I commented "eh if you're fine being less picky, I, Dave, can be your girlfriend", would I really be a weirdo sex pest like you're making out? Or would I just be someone having a joke on the internet?

[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 6 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (3 children)

That's fair, but there's also the context of some very aggressive "I can unstraighten you" peeps on the fediverse. Mostly femboys and trans women. They're all over blahaj.

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[–] tkk13909@sopuli.xyz 21 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Same energy as a straight dude trying to 'fix' a lesbian.

[–] subwoofer@lemmy.gockandgum.party 16 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Bro we are in a shitposting community

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[–] Dasnap@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago (1 children)

This is what Arlo's legs actually look like.

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 9 months ago

just below the camera it just instantly cuts to full-sized human legs wearing thigh-highs, mercifully the transition is hidden by the miniskirt

[–] ConstantPain@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago

They are pretty good at hiding in my area.

[–] DoucheBagMcSwag@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

So what distro of Linux do you use?

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[–] ConstantPain@lemmy.world 13 points 9 months ago

Someone is being too picky...

[–] PeterPoopshit@lemmy.world 12 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

You only date females? Wow that's a really offensive and insensitive thing to say. Also unrealistic, as this criteria blocks out half of all people. Prepare to get cancelled /s

[–] MrGerrit@feddit.nl 8 points 9 months ago

I'll settle for a ai driven robot girlfriend at this point.

[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 4 points 9 months ago

Contentious

[–] BreadOven@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago

Those requirements disclude many other options. You may want to reconsider.

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