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What is love?
(lemmy.autism.place)
ü
If whatever learning meant +1 brain complexity then it we would never catch up because it would be the infinite hotel. example: learning one unit of brain complexity adds one unit of brain complexity.
if learning meant < +1 brain complexity, then the next limiters would be brain space and time. example: learning one unit of brain complexity slightly complicates an already existing complex.
if learning meant > +1 brain complexity, then the more you learn, the farther you get from understanding the whole thing. example: learning one unit of brain complexity requires the addition of another unit of brain complexity plus its relationship with other complexes.
!autism!autism@lemmy.world might be good since it has a larger user base while the autism.place instance doesn't really have that many users yet nor a community for that kind of post.
omg, thank you very much!!
I think it's because we are designed with a somewhat blank idea of what love is. We are born with a system that will become love, but we are born with it undefined. It's similar to how we are born with a need for food, but not our culinary culture. It is during our formative years that we learn what love is just like we learn what delicious food is. Btw, in Spanish, when a kid doesn't like to eat a specific food, it's said that they haven't learned to eat it yet. Back to the topic, the part that does come predefined is that we are to attach to our caregivers. Thus, we don't leave them because we are designed to not leave them and have them teach us love.
Another issue is that as children, we don't know we are being abused. What we've experienced in our families is all we know. From the perspective at this age, that's just how life is. There's no reason to leave.
Once we start realizing that not everyone goes through our experiences and that there are much nicer ways of relating to family, we can start recognizing that our familial situation is terrible and we want it to be different. The issue here is that there are only two options. Either you suffer the bad parts of the abuse while surviving on the breadcrumbs, or you lose any possibility of ever having a childhood family. The person basically has to decide to lose a major part of life. That is an immense amount of grief to endure, and they have to do it without the support of family. In these situations, the victim usually just kind of learns to manage the relationship unless there is a major catastrophic event that forces a decision. Otherwise, they're learning how to overcome the frequent but comparatively tolerable difficulties. You'll hear them say things like, "My dad is cool as long as you don't expect him to..." or, "I love my mom, but I know not to..." They're consolations to salvage their one opportunity. The decision is then to either (a) take a humongous hit by losing childhood family or (b) learn to deal with the most recent difficulty. The latter is much easier to brunt.
tl;dr: We don't know it's abuse. Instead, we are taught abuse is love. We are designed by birth to attach to our parents. And once we figure out it's abuse, it's a terribly difficult lose-lose decision to make where one option is addressing a recent issue and the other is nuclear.
I'd argue that your mind is learning what love it at that age. However you are treated by your caretakers is what you believe is love because we are born with no definition so that we can adapt to whatever circumstances. Adopting your family's schema on love, when you age out of that family, you'll find yourself in a similar situation.
As evidence, most adults in abusive relationships were abused as children. People often ask why adults stay in abusive relationships that are clearly terrible from the outside expecting practical reasons, like finances or kids. In reality, the victim will likely fall into another abusive relationship if they left because that's what they think love is. Adults that were raised in non-abusive households would have left at the first red flags, whereas the adults raised in abusive households would find those red flags as signs they are loved. To them, they're not red flags; they're green flags. It isn't after a string of these relationships or a really bad one that they seek help to change this pattern. The path is hard and burdensome because they have to tear down what they unconsciously learned and re-raise themselves without the guidance of a parent.
Same thing happens with the abusers, but they took on the identity of the abusive parent. They feel that love is allowing them to control and devalue their partner by whatever means. These people have much less chance of recovery because they don't see a reason to change. If their relationships fail, then in their mind, it's the victim's fault. The abuser's only lessons are how to change their abuse strategies so that victims don't leave.
In conclusion, it's not only that the child can't leave. It's that they're completing a major developmental stage: learning what love is. They have no other options because we are designed that way.
I searched for AMA communities. I only found one: !askmeanything@lemmy.ca. It doesn't seem active tho. You could try there as long as you're okay with possible disappointment. Otherwise, I don't have any other suggestions.
The ~~billionaires~~ rich buy both parties now.
🌎👨🚀🔫👨🚀
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cross-posted from: https://discuss.tchncs.de/post/17832746
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New Community: Ask Autistic People
(lemmy.autism.place)
A community for anyone to ask autistic people questions: non-autistic people to learn about the autistic experience and autistic people to get information or validation from their peers.
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New Community: Ausome Videos
(lemmy.autism.place)
A community for sharing videos that may be appreciated by autistic people, not necessarily autism-related.
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New Community: Penguin Pebbles
(lemmy.autism.place)
This is a community to share pictures of nice or interesting things you happen to find in your daily life that you would like to share.
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When people get upset immediately after I try to clear up a social situation
(lemmy.autism.place)
Caption: Oh no, I just directly pointed out the elephant in the room
Image: Homer Simpson backing into a hedge to hide
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When I go to a party to find a friend
(lemmy.autism.place)
Caption:
- [Image] Below: A stranger at a partly looks at me like that
- Me: Ooh, maybe they're like me ♾️!
Image: 2 panels. 1st panel is a puppet facing to your right but side-eying you with a blank facial expression. 2nd panel is the same puppet looking straight forward with the same facial expression.
view more: next ›
Cool! What's the point of those walls in the water?