dogerwaul

i couldn't find a community geared towards venting or posting about depression, so i'm coming here to empty my head. sorry in advance if this doesn't fit the comm well. if you're sensitive to depression i'd avoid my post tbh.

it took me two months to find a job since my last one ended in October. my bills became unmanageable during that time and my phone was shut off. yesterday, on my first day of work, my car was repossessed after i got home. i live with my partner and his mother and they fought about me the other day. i came home early today from work and got into a yelling match with my partner over something stupid. we have been together for 13 years. we know there will be bad and good times, but lately it's been nothing but bad, and i am the cause of a good percentage of it.

i have several mental illnesses that make it difficult for me to maintain support for myself. i am medicated and have been in and out of therapy. i've even been hospitalized for suicidal ideation. i am trying, i really am. i don't know how to balance the love i feel for my partner and "being responsible" financially. we are supposed to focus on expenses and bills first, but i cannot simply exist to work. that isn't life, that isn't living, i'd rather be dead. i will only get one life to live and i am spending it concerned about money and successfully navigating a capitalist hellhole. yes, sometimes i buy my boyfriend and i shit we don't need, but it's because we get to experience each other genuinely when we come together and do or use whatever i bought for us. i am creating memories, i am creating happiness.. but yes, it is at the expense of money and "good" decision making. poor people are allowed to enjoy life too.

but.. i don't know if my boyfriend sees it that way. he's told me that he cares more about being financially stable and secure, but the smile on his face when i get him something he wanted or i pick up some weed for us to relax together and smoke tells me that he needs a release too. he feels pressured to conform to the world around him, but he is also extremely disgusted by our world in much the same way i am.

idk. i have felt like a leech and a failure my whole life, and now i have lost my phone and my car, and have no money until my first check. i spent what i had on gas for a car that was taken from me lol. now i'm sitting here broke and without much of anything, and my boyfriend and his mother seem to think poor of me as of late.

i'm tried. i really am exhausted. if i don't wake up tomorrow the world would be doing me a favor. i have begged to die in my sleep before only to unfortunately wake up and be forced to exist yet again. maybe tonight will be different.

update: i have been sent $10 and $30 from two users as of 01/04/25. thank you both so much!

hello everyone. on Oct 1st i lost my job. the job itself was toxic but it was also my only source of income. it took a while but i landed a new position that begins on Monday. however, i am incredibly behind on bills and my phone has been shut off. my car is scheduled to be repossessed as well. i have been doing DoorDash as a means to support myself but with my phone being disabled i have no way to work. i am unsure when my first paycheck will be and i am running out of food for myself and my pets, and i am out of gas for my car. things are very difficult currently. the only family i have is my mother and we don’t live in the same state. nobody is able to help me, so i am coming here to try and appeal to anyone who is able to provide support.

full disclosure: i created a request on here a couple days ago but it didn’t result in any assistance, so i am trying once more as a last resort. additionally, i need roughly $600 to pull me out of this hole. i would never ask for that from complete strangers, so please, even if you can only provide a few dollars anything will help. truly.

venmo and cash app - dgrwl

if you’d like to help but have a different payment app then send me a message. i’d be willing to download it.

thank you for reading. thank you to anyone who bumps or otherwise helps my thread. and thank you so much if you are able to give and do so.

how many have you played this yet? it’s so good! really enjoying the interactions with opponents.

we had an electronic toy bucket with a clown nose that shot its own balls out of its mouth and the game was you’d gather them up from around the room and shove them back in its stupid bucket head and it would suck its balls up and throw ‘em back out and you’d repeat that and pretend it was fun for more than five minutes.

what do you think made us millennials the way we are? tbh i think zoomers are cool. they’re doing alright. they’re like my younger sibling. we were raised by the same bullshit.