The Onion

WASHINGTON—Warning that interior defenses were spread too thin, experts confirmed this week that Team USA’s arrival in France for the Olympics had left America’s own basketball rims largely unguarded. “In a strategic blunder of historic proportions, the U.S. men’s national basketball team landing in Paris has left an uncontested path to the basket,” said national security expert Emmett Stein, explaining that Americans lacked the necessary shot blockers and bigs to protect the paint on courts at home. “At the current moment, our nation is woefully vulnerable to foreign threats against basketball rims on its own shores. A foreign player with a basketball at the top of the key could drive for an easy layup with little resistance.” At press time, America was devastated after foreign basketball adversaries attacked a domestic rim with a tomahawk dunk.

I found this satire piece to be absolutely delightful, capturing the potential rage that Hilary kept under wraps after it was announced that Trump won. It was a disappointing time, as that orange clown got the better of a far more fit person to serve in office.

The Onion News Network -- 11 years ago

From 2014