The Onion

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The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

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The Onion Front Page: September 10, 2024 (theonion.com)
submitted 7 months ago by usernamesAreTricky@lemmy.ml to c/theonion@midwest.social
22 comments fedilink
 
 

https://theonion.com/todays-historic-front-page-september-10-2024/

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Trump Avoids Answering Hard Questions By Pretending He Shot In Ear Again (theonion.com)
submitted 7 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
2 comments fedilink
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Kamala Harris Tells Donald Trump he Should Smile More (www.seahorseshoe.com)
submitted 8 months ago by ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
 
 

“He should smile more” said a beaming Kamala Harris. “He travels by private jet, won the Donald Trump golf trophy this year, and was the guest of honor in his January 6th fundraising gala. Yet all we see him do is scowl. You get more flies with honey than vinegar.”

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Air Force One Makes Emergency Landing at Dairy Queen (www.duffelblog.com)
submitted 8 months ago by SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
7 comments fedilink
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Cybertruck Owner Brags About High-Tech Pedal That Makes Vehicle Accelerate When Pressed (theonion.com)
submitted 8 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
10 comments fedilink
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Apple’s Tim Cook to unveil reasons why your current iPhone is already a piece of shit (newsthump.com)
submitted 8 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
45 comments fedilink
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'Trans People's Issues Alienate the Working Class,' Says Democrat Who's Never Met Either (reductress.com)
submitted 8 months ago by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
118 comments fedilink
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Trump Campaign Powerless Against Group of Teenage Girls Saying "Ew" (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 8 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
34 comments fedilink
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Ezra Levant furious to discover he could have been getting money from Russia this whole time (www.thebeaverton.com)
submitted 8 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
4 comments fedilink
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Horrified Taylor Swift Realizes Football Happens Every Year (theonion.com)
submitted 8 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
11 comments fedilink
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Switchblade-Wielding Subway Rider Locked In Standoff With Penis-Wielding Subway Rider (theonion.com)
submitted 8 months ago by Midnight@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
7 comments fedilink
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‘Woke media is harming our children psychologically’, insists man who is perfectly fine with them doing active shooter drills at elementary school (newsthump.com)
submitted 8 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
4 comments fedilink
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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (theonion.com)
submitted 8 months ago by Midnight@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
127 comments fedilink
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Opinion: Millennials Would Be Able to Afford Homes If They Didn’t Let Older Kids Trick Them Into Giving Up Their Most Valuable Pokémon Cards (hard-drive.net)
submitted 8 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
23 comments fedilink
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Elon Musk Threatens ISS Crash Over X Ban (isglitch.com)
submitted 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) by EtAl_isGitch@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social
10 comments fedilink
 
 

SpaceX CEO claims it's "just a prank" in escalating Brazil dispute

!isglitch@lemmy.world

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Opinion: The Fact That the Muppets Only Took Manhattan Means They’ll Never Be “Real” New Yorkers (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 8 months ago by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
6 comments fedilink
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Slippery Slope: Funk Singer Asking You to Give It to Him One Time Probably Going to Ask You to Give It to Him Two Times (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 8 months ago by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
26 comments fedilink
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Donald Trump Promises To Bring Fruitopia Vending Machines Back to Public Schools if Elected in Latest Unhinged Rant (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
37 comments fedilink
 
 

Until this moment I completely forgot about those things

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Sources Allege Tim Walz’s ‘Aw, Shucks’ Persona Merely Facade Concealing True ‘Gee Whiz’ Tendencies (theonion.com)
submitted 8 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
13 comments fedilink
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Cat Scientists Theorize About Third Type Of Food That Neither Wet Nor Dry (theonion.com)
submitted 8 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
15 comments fedilink
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'Boneless' pizza can have bones, US court rules (lemmy.ca)
submitted 8 months ago by MindTraveller@lemmy.ca to c/theonion@midwest.social
16 comments fedilink
 
 
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Lucky Astronauts Still Stranded in Space During Election Year (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 8 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
5 comments fedilink
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Francis Scott Key Estate Sends Cease-And-Desist To Trump For Playing ‘Star-Spangled Banner’ At Rally (theonion.com)
submitted 8 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
12 comments fedilink
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Dozens Of Pregnant Women Caught In Hanging Snare Nets Above Texas Hospital Entrance (theonion.com)
submitted 8 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
4 comments fedilink
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Trump Calls Out Arlington National Cemetery For Hazard-Filled Fairways (theonion.com)
submitted 8 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
9 comments fedilink
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