Today I Fucked Up

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/YourLittleTRex on 2024-09-16 14:52:00+00:00.

(Forgive me for any typos, English is my second language as I’m Norwegian & live in Norway.)

I (F28) just screwed up so bad. Ironically, I travel a lot, so I bet my ADHD just got the best of me today. I just have to get this off my chest.

I’m on a work trip, which will take place in a city in the Lofoten Islands. I had to go by plane, AKA the cause of this mess.

Apparently there were some logistical issues today with the other flights. There were several messages over the speakers, but none regarding our flight. Except our flight being delayed, everything was ok. Until suddenly, two messages were broadcasted simultaneously. One regarding our flight and one regarding the flight that were supposed to leave at the gate next to us. Apparently, our gate was changed last minute. But it was kinda hard to tell as there were two different messages at the same time. I tried asking the lady next to me, and she agreed that our flight would be at gate 20.

So I just started walking, then I figured the group of tourists next to me didn’t get the memo. They don’t speak Norwegian and the message wasn’t given in English, so I decided to be their hero today. And also I would’ve freaked out if I were in a country where I didn’t speak the language, only to therefore miss my floghr. So I asked one of them in English “are you going to [final destination], because we have a new gate..” He called for his group and they joined. So did another English speaking woman, as she overheard the conversation.

We walked across the airport only to see that the screen hadn’t changed. This confused me, so I asked the lady from earlier: “You’re going [here], right?” NOPE! She’s going to the next city over with a different plane.. So I went back to the TSA and asked them. They didn’t know anything, but according to the time table our flight was still the same gate as originally planned. It even said “gate closing” so I started to freak out. Then I got the phone call..

Lady: “Hi, this is from [insert air fare company]. Will you be joining us to [city in Lofoten]?” Me: “Yes! I’m on my way! Where from? Gate 12?” Lady: “Yes.” Me: “I’ll be there!”

So it WAS the original gate! I was just confused as there were two messages on the speaker simultaneously…

So yeah. Fortunately, the group of tourists had also got the memo. I met the English speaker on the flight, she made a remark about bad directions but I didn’t get it haha 😅

I felt so bad so I ran to the back of the plane. Got a seat, pulled the hoodie over my head… I was so warm and stressed out… The flight lasted only 15 minutes fortunately. I sure hope I don’t meet them downtown… I waited until everyone came of the plane before I left haha 😂

20 minutes later: Alright I just arrived at my paid-for-by-work hotel. They upgraded my room to a superior room with ocean view. I have this for myself for two nights. I feel better now.

TLDR: I almost made a group of 16 tourists miss their flight because I misunderstood the information at the airport

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/shawnwarnerwrites on 2024-09-16 21:20:29+00:00.

I have a protien shake every day on my 1 hour commute to work. I make it with milk in one of those shaker bottles.

On the day in question (Friday), I put the shake in my car then realized I don't have my wallet. I then decided that the weather was nice and I was going to ride my motorcycle to work.

Fast forward to today. I get in the car and see the bottle in the cupholder. Knowing what happens to protien shakes after even a few hours, I elect to just throw it away.

I'm guessing that there is some sort of bacteria living in it that causes gas to build up and the pressure in the bottle was already critical. When I picked it up, the lid flew open and a stream of foul, chunky protien-bacteria slurry issued forth. It got in my hair, my beard, the dashboard, the upholstery. The smell could gag a cockroach and a little got in my mouth.

I chopped off my beard and took a shower, but I don't know what to do about the car. The drive to work today was torture.

tl;dr: I spewed a disgusting mixture of milk, protien powder, and bacteria all around the inside of my car.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/FelixAndCo on 2024-09-16 13:33:51+00:00.

I hate getting dust out of my PC. When I got my current PC years ago, I wanted to take extra precautions against dust getting into it, partly because it's equipped with massive fans. That's why, in addition to the dust filters that came with my case, I bought and made extra dust filters for the exhaust vents of my PC. It's a weird PC case that lets air in at the bottom and lets air out at the top. I thought it made sense to protect the top vents where dust would fall in when the PC wasn't on. So, weird case that sucks air from the bottom with massive fans and blows it out on top. For years it went great, and the inside was practically dustless.

Then, without me noticing for months, the bottom dust filters had gone missing. Sucking up air basically from the floor, and giving it no way to exit, due to my customized filters. The next time I opened the case there was dust everywhere; not the worst I've ever seen, because I didn't completely neglect my PC, but everywhere nonetheless. Between all the heat sinks, in all the ports, lodged behind every component sticking out of the mother board: dust. So, now I'm have to clean it thoroughly, and think of something, because I have no idea where the bottom dust filters went.

TL;DR trapped a lot of dust in my PC by making the air intake dusty, and putting filters on the exhaust.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/TrueNefariousness462 on 2024-09-16 10:42:33+00:00.

To preface this story, I am going to start with my opinion - I do not believe what my daughter did was wrong. In fact, I am incredibly proud of her, even though she may have been overzealous, her reasoning are very much in the right place. We have discussed at length what she should do if ever in this situation again (which I hope she is not).

So, lets start in the beginning, as it is the best place to start.

(TL:DR at the bottom, as per tradition - also, just letting you all know this is a new account and my first time posting on Reddit - long time lurker - if I did anything wrong, sorry)

I, 35F, have a wonderful 9 year old daughter. She is smart, and outgoing and just incredibly strong. 2 years ago, me and my ex-husband divorced. He fell out of love with me and fell into the bed of a 21 year old, its a story as old as time, but it doesn't hurt any less. About 6 months ago, I was mugged on my way home from work. I was messed up, I was covered in bruises, and in a lot of distress mentally. My ex is not a present father, he moved to France for work about 3 months after the divorce was finalised, so he wasn't able to help look after my daughter while I was healing, she spent some time with my Mum. But she saw me at my worst.

I have a lot of guilt about that.

She began getting very anxious to leave the house, she didn't want to leave my side. She was worried Mummy would get hurt again.

A friend of mine's son was being bullied at school a while back. She enrolled him in some karate classes, not for fighting, more to build his confidence and it really worked for him. She suggested that maybe putting my girl in some classes may help her feel more secure. I suggested this to her and she wanted to do them, but wanted me to do them too. Which to be honest, was probably a very good decision - I spoke to the Sensei and asked if I could sit in on the beginners class with her etc. I explained the situation, and he agreed.

We both loved it, she picked it up so quick and she loved the play activities with the other children. A few months after we started, she was leaps and bounds ahead of me and ready to play with a more advanced level of students. The bonus of that is the night the advanced kids met, was after the beginner adults met.

So we changed out nights, I started training with adults, she carried on with the advanced kids. She has picked it up so quickly. Her confidence in her ability is sky high too.

A few times when we have been out she has seen something that has worried her, like someone walking towards us and she will grip my hand a little tighter and move herself in front of me. I keep reminding her I am the adult, we are safe and this is not her burden. (For anyone wondering, Mental Health Care is hard in the UK. We are not very well supported, she has spoken to a counceller that works with her school, she hasn't said that she needs to see anyone more, but we are on a waiting list. Therapy never hurt anyone, so why not look into it. But I can't afford to go private and the NHS just takes a very, very long time)

Fast forward a few weeks, last week was her first week back in school after the summer holidays. There was a new student in her class, we will call them Alex. Alex and my daughter have become the fastest of friends. She couldn't stop speaking about him on Monday when she came home from school. "Alex likes this food", "Alex likes this TV show", "Alex said", "Alex did" etc. Its adorable, but my kid has took it upon herself to be Alex's bodyguard. Alex is a very expressive child. They wear a school uniform, but Alex like's to wear nail polish, he has long hair which they wear pulled back or in a plait. He has bows on his shoes. He just wears what he wants and has the confidence to rock a potato sack if that is what he feels comfy in. His parents are amazing too. They have been so welcoming of my daughter and me too. We have had drinks this weekend after the incident and they are wonderful people.

So, the incident.

Last Thursday, Alex changed his black nail polish for a deep plum purple colour. Some of the boys in their class decided to show how bad their upbringing was and told Alex "you're a boy, you shouldn't wear girly things, because thats what makes you gay". Both Alex and my daughter told them to shut up, and go bother someone else. This is when one of the bullies says "If you're wearing girly stuff tomorrow, I'm going to kill you." (Yeah... you read that right).

So my girl, being a defiant little menace decided she wasn't going to tell an adult (we have had a very long conversation about this, don't worry) and she was going to handle this herself... Alex also decided he was going to handle things his own way too.

Friday morning rolls round, the plum nail polish has gone and in its place is the most beautiful and vivid pink you have ever seen and his hair was in an elaborate viking style plait. It must have took a while. It was stunning.

Well, apparently, this was like waving a red flag in front of the bully boys face. He marched up to Alex and told him he was going to kill him at lunch time. My girl told him he could try but she wouldn't let him.

Lunch came around and they were outside for playtime. True to his word the bully started to run at Alex and my girl took him out.

Now, bare in mind up until this morning I only really had the details from two nine year olds. So when Alex told me she flew, I was fairly hesitant to believe him. He told me she punched the boy in the face, made him bleed, which made him cry and now he is petrified of her.

I got a phone call from the school after lunch asking me to come and pick her up because she has been suspended for fighting. Alex was refusing to leave her and saying that if she was suspended so was he because it wasn't her fault. Alex's dad arrived at the same time I did to collect out kids, the headmaster told us that it was pending an investigation and we would be called in for a meeting on Monday.

Obviously when my daughter told me the full story I was livid, I asked why she didn't tell a teacher, she said she wanted to handle it so he knew he couldn't threaten people, but she told a teacher after the fact and they didn't believe her. So I am even more livid at this point. I contact Alex's parents and discuss, have a drink, bond over our kids etc.

So... this morning. 8am rolls around, I am sat in front of the headmaster, he begins to bemoan about how my daughter has brought violence to the school, how she has broken a boys nose and I SHIT YOU NOT, how this is very unladylike behaviour. I was honestly aghast. "We are a zero tolerance school when it comes to violence"... My daughter had been stood on top of a little wall at the edge of the playground, essentially keeping watch. She saw the kid running towards Alex, when he got close enough she launched herself off the wall, straight at the boy. She essentially did a flying punch, landed on him and then proceeded to lock her arms in his and keep him in place until the playtime supervisor arrived.

I asked him how his investigation has gone, and he said he has spoken to the boy and because this was a "completely unprovoked attack" my daughter would be suspended further for the week, with a behaviour management programme and she would be expected to appologise to the boy she hit. I'll be honest guys, I have never been the confrontational type, I think it skipped a generation. But in that moment I summoned the spirit of my little girl.

I asked him how he could have completed the "investigation" if neither my daughter, Alex or the parents had been involved. How he had come to such a conclusion without any facts or evidence? He just stumbled over his words. I asked him "so is this what happens when students call someone names and threaten to kill them? You punish the person protecting them". He was silent and said it was the first time he has heard of this and that he had been told it was unprovoked and my daughter was the only aggressor. I asked him who told him this and he was silent. I then called him a liar and that he was informed of the situation because both my daughter and Alex told him. I left the meeting telling him that my daughter was not suspended, however she would not be in school until the situation had been dealt with to a satisfactory conclusion. I have emailed her teacher and asked her to forward any work she would have been doing in class and she will do it from home.

I have her with me in the office today, and my boss is letting me work from home for the rest of the week.

I know I am responsible in part for what she has done, I know violence isn't the answer. I am very proud of her for standing up for what she believes in, but we have had a talk about how she needs to always tell me things like this.

I am furious with her school. I called Alex's mum when I got out of the meeting. Alex isn't in today because they are having a meeting this afternoon about the bullying Alex has been subjected too. She has supported my actions though and said that if she doesn't get the right response today she will be pulling Alex too.

There aren't many primary schools locally that will have space left for them if the best decision is to pull them out of this school permanently, but I am not happy with how the headmaster has dealt with the situation to be honest.

Thanks for listening. I just needed to word vomit into a void.

I have fuc...

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1fi1dmw/tifu_by_turning_my_daughter_into_a_wannabe/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/blurredspace on 2024-09-16 07:35:51+00:00.

this didnt happen today but a few months ago, i still cringe about it every so often though.

I worked as a pastry chef apprentice at a hotel and as everyone knows; the work is grueling. as the stereotypes go, i started smoking and my health went to shit. i gained 10kgs from stress even though i was more active than ever, my bosses were assholes who made us work 12hr shift even though i was legally not allowed to but i digress- after a year i couldn’t do it anymore and decided to quit. in my last month i got a bit more relaxed, knowing i was leaving and all. one one of my last shifts i was making pretzels with another pastry coworker and the baker.

he had the worst shift of all- 4am til 12pm. he was pretty heavyset, huge smoker and drinker. he told me he had been at that hotel for 10 years, worked as a pastry chef before switching to baking. he had done both pastry and baking apprenticeships (3yrs each) all in all i assumed he was nearing the end of his 50’s- looks wise as well. he was balding and generally looked.. older… and from the way he talked i just assumed hes had a long career beforehand yknow? so, in passing i asked him when he was thinking about retiring. both him and the other coworker freeze, look at each other and then he looks at me- i cant really read his expression.

“im 36 years old” he tells me.

i wanted to die so bad in that moment. rest assured we didn’t talk much after that lol im so glad i never have to go back. while i loved the work, knowing that the industry and stress can do one that dirty… good god, shout out to all gastro workers fr

tl;dr: asked my coworker about when he was retiring, not knowing he’s about 25+ years away from doing so 😭

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Proof_Bug_8733 on 2024-09-15 23:04:29+00:00.

I (18m) work as a pizza delivery driver, and we use the store's delivery app for tracking, payments, etc. Most of the orders we get are pre-paid in the app, so we just give the pizza to the customer and leave. Customers have the option to select cash on delivery, which makes it the driver's responsibility to collect the cash when they deliver the pizza.

Well, yesterday I got a cash delivery. I'm usually pretty good with remembering things like that, and the customers have always had the cash ready in the past. This time the customer did not have the cash in their hand, in fact I don't even remember which delivery was the cash order, because they literally acted like they had paid for it already.

If you didn't know, when a driver forgets to collect cash on a delivery, they have to pay for it. The store does not cover it. This order was $37, which was more than the tips I collected all day. The amount was deducted from my pay.

What do you guys think? Is the customer in the wrong for letting me walk away? or is this one completely on me for not remembering that the order was cash?

TLDR; I forgot to get cash from a customer on a pizza delivery, and I had to pay $37 for the order.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/EShaver102 on 2024-09-15 12:26:24+00:00.

TIFU by sending an inappropriate text to my land lord. My wife had been dealing with a cold. She got up before me, and texted me that her eyes were puffy and itchy while I, myself, have been laying in bed.

Me being the overly sarcastic type, I decided I would text her as if she got pink eye. With a single blurry eye open, and no glasses on, I texted her ‘you shouldn’t rub your eyes after you pick your butthole.’ Except, about 30 seconds later, I noticed that the person I sent it to wasn’t my wife. It was Harris. My landlord. Harris is an innocent young kid that is acting as property manager for his non English speaking parents. He might be 18-20? Idk.

Harris and I both have iPhones. I’m hoping my unsend worked. My wife is hoping that Harris gets the message, as she ‘would love to know what he thought about that’…

TLDR; instead of my wife, my landlord received a text about picking buttholes.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Main-Preference-4850 on 2024-09-16 00:01:44+00:00.

So for context, I have a trans friend (FTM) who I only met post social transition (he has not medically transitioned in any way). I am female. I went to a festival in my town, meeting up with him and my other friends. Now, he and I went to different schools, and the school he goes to does not have walls. Literally no walls. Like they use bookcases to separate the classrooms. There was a break in conversation, and I am thinking about this fact. I then look to him, and say

"Whats it like not having walls?"

He immediately replies "it sucks."

I wasn't expecting such a sharp response, so I continued. "Why don't you have walls?"

He replied "I don't Fn know. Why are you asking? You don't have walls either."

I'm surprised he's taking such offense to this, and even more surprised at this point that he thinks I don't have walls at my school. So, still not realizing what is happening, I exclaim, "I have walls!"

He he just looks at me so confused, until he asks "wait did you say walls?"

I reply "yeah, that's what we've been talking about"

"Oh I thought you've been saying balls!"

TL;DR A mishear lead to my trans (FTM) friend to think I was interrogating him about not having balls. I was just trying to spark average conversation

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Spirited-Claim-9868 on 2024-09-15 22:21:11+00:00.

I did an interview for a school club today. Pretty standard, I was asked some questions like "what do you do in your free time?" "Why do you want to join our club?" "What classes do you take and what other clubs are you in?" So nothing I wasn't expecting. It was going alright, until I got asked some questions about myself. For some reason, I completely blanked out here:

"Do you have any unique skills can you bring to this club?"

"...Uh, honestly? no"

For whatever reason I genuinely could not think of something in that moment, and didn't want to lie.

The side eye the interviewers gave me honestly made me want to cry a little. Though, it was 100% deserved, because who answers an interview question like that??

TLDR: I admitted I probably shouldn't get an officer position at the interview for officer position. Don't do that 👍

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/vulpix2317 on 2024-09-15 21:07:53+00:00.

Today I fucked up, well okay so firstly, not today but about a year ago I was walking to my car, which was parked behind my flat in a car park. It was 7am, I was looking at my phone and it was September and the south of England.

Little did I know, the whole carpark/path and road had frozen over night. Not just a little ice like you'd expect for a beach town, but ICE. Now, two things to note, 1, I was born with eardrum issues, 2, your ears control your balance...

So, by some miracle, I had made it to the middle of the car park before the ice decided I was now far enough from anything to grab onto and tripped me.

I proceeded to run in place like a damn looney tune cartoon until eventually I fell back and hit my head and the small of my back.

Feeling brave and strong and like the independent woman I wish I was, I proceeded to try to stand up, and made it 5 of my 5 foot 3 height before the ice took me again, this time however, I didn't run or fall, nope. I proceeded to do some kind of gymnastic/bambi/possessed splits with one leg going straight left and the other going straight behind me. Like a damn clock at 9:30.

As I was laying on the ice, it was at this point that I spotted my car, not only was it 15 feet away, but it was also incased in ice, complete with icicles connected the car to the ground.

In the most graceful zombie crawl I could manage, I crawled to my car to find the door was also iced shut. 3 hard tuggs later and finally the bastard opened and I lifted my fat ass into the seat, one leg normal and the other hanging outside and refusing to bend. Apparently unlike the rest of me, this leg is now determined to be straight...

Now, problem 2, I am now stuck here and need to call work because fuck am I going in. This starts the 15 minute phone call with my boss who I've only worked for, for a couple months. The entire time I described the previous story, I could hear him struggling not to laugh, until the bambi flail and then he proceeded to break and historically laugh for 10 more minutes until the call was finished.

Contemplating my options, I decide to drive my car towards the flat entrance, given I can't walk the over 100 feet journey. Just one problem, my poor, old car is still cased in ice, 60 minutes of the engine running and all heaters on, I finally managed to see enough through the windshield to coast my way along.

15 more minutes of hobbling up the stairs to my flat and I collapsed on my sofa where I proceeded to be stuck with a swollen knee for 3 days.

When I finally made it into the office, limping my way along, my manager took one look at me and laughed for another 10 minutes.

And this concludes the story of how I became friends with my boss.

TL;DR My dumb ass made in to a middle of a carpark before slipping on ice, twice and having to army crawl to my car,phone in sick to work and hobble back home.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/CourageBubbly1490 on 2024-09-14 17:40:47+00:00.

TW: brief mention of binge eating

Sigh. I’ve been prescribed stimulant medication since I was a kid for ADHD. Over the last couple of years, I’ve switched antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds multiple times, and recently titrated off of 2 as-needed meds and onto a different daily medication. Because I’ve changed meds/doses, I had a shoebox full of old bottles of various medications. I usually keep my extra stimulant meds (either from picking up scripts a couple days before I’m out or from days i’ve accidentally skipped or woken up too late to take them) in the same drawer as the shoebox, but not IN the shoebox.

I knew I needed to go to pharmacy to pick up my new meds, so I decided it was finally time to get rid of all my old bottles of meds (cvs has a medication disposal bin thing). I put all my extra meds into my tote bag, picked up my new script as usual, and disposed of all the bottles. Today, I went to refill my weekly container of meds, and noticed I only had a weeks worth of my stimulant left. This is odd, because I know that I can’t pick up my next script until the first week of october. I’m like, oh, I must’ve just grabbed my bottle of extras! I open the drawer, and there’s no other bottle to be found. I dig around, thinking maybe I’m not looking hard enough. Then, I search my whole room, my whole apartment. It hits me, I must’ve thrown away my current script somehow! I don’t know how this happened, because I read the labels of all the bottles before I put them in my tote to throw them away, but maybe when I was looking through the bottles I missed it?? Maybe my stimulants ended up in the shoebox, because sometimes I’ll ask my partner to grab it for me (or maybe the bottle was lying around in the apartment and my partner threw it in the shoebox?)

If this is what actually happened, and I don’t find them today or tomorrow, is there anything I can do? I’m a student and I do heavily rely on my meds to focus in class and do my schoolwork. I also have binge eating disorder, so the binges that come along with 2 weeks + of worth high dose stimulant withdrawal would be pretty awful.

Is there anything that I can do to get enough meds to make it through to my next prescription? Or will I be stuck in the hellhole that is stimulant withdrawal, since it’s a controlled substance? I know that you can sometimes get emergency medication if you can prove your meds were stolen with a police report, but I don’t think this could apply since I can’t prove that I disposed of them

Please help, I just started a new semester in school about two weeks ago, so not having my meds for two weeks would make it really difficult to get my shit together in time for midterms season. I am an honors student, and need to maintain a 3.0 to keep my scholarship, I’m very worried about the academic (and physical) consequences of this mistake.

TL;DR Probably threw away my ADHD meds in my cvs’s medication disposal bin while I was trying to get rid of bottles of old medication

edit: i know this was ridiculously irresponsible/stupid, already ruminating on it so I would appreciate if replies of that nature were kept to a minimum :/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Weekly_Run_3848 on 2024-09-15 05:12:26+00:00.

I'm someone who dislikes bugs of all sorts and cockroaches are the worst. Whenever I see one in the house I make my husband kill it. He makes fun of me for being frightened by them. Seriously I can't understand how some people handle them so well.

Few days ago we were in the backyard along with some friends. I saw a small cockroach crawling on the wall of our house. My husband gave me a broom and asked me to kill it myself. This was the first time I actually tried killing a cockroach. I went close to it and just seeing it's crawling movements made me shiver. I tried hitting with the broom but I missed. The roach started crawling up the wall above my head level. Before it went beyond my reach, I quickly hit with the broom again. But instead of killing it, the roach was just sweeped from the wall and it fell on my shoulder. I panicked and threw the broom away. Almost as if the roach had a plan, it crawled down my dress through the front opening and got trapped inside the dress. I could feel it crawling in my bra and I started screaming and jumping around trying to shake it out. I tried pulling and tugging my dress but the roach wasn't coming out. My husband was dying of laughter. I ran into my house, took off my dress and threw my bra away. This was so embarassing. I hope no one ends up in such a situation.

TL;DR I tried killing a cockroach, but it crawled into my bra and made me go crazy.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Proof_Bug_8733 on 2024-09-15 04:50:05+00:00.

I (18m) work at a pizza place, and there is only one bathroom. When I got to work and clocked in, I needed to take a shit, ..baaad. I proceeded to push out what felt like an entire child, and when I saw the size of it, I was surprised my ass hole didn't rip open! I flushed the commercial grade toilet, and sure enough, it got clogged.

Now, this isn't the first time I've clogged this very toilet. In fact, last time I had to go to the Walmart across the street and buy a plunger. "Good thing I bought this plunger, I'll just quickly unclog this" I thought. But no, it wasn't that easy. All of the contents went down the toilet, so I could no longer see it, but the massive shit-missile had such a tight seal on the toilet pipes, that no amount of plunging was going to help.

I was freaking out, because I had been in the bathroom a while, trying to plunge this stupid fucking toilet. I googled ways to unclog a toilet, and I got the run-of-the-mill results. "Use hot water and dish soap" and "call a fucking professional" but I was obviously trying to keep this situation under raps, and I would prefer if it didn't become a news headline. "A local delivery driver breaks the world record for the largest shit log ever recorded in human history, the toilet was irreparably damaged."

In the bathroom, there was a floor-level sink with a mop bucket. I put blazing hot water into the mop bucket and dumped it in the toilet, hoping to boil the shit loose, I guess. What do you know, ...nothing fucking happened. That shit log was acting like it thought could save the world by clinging to the sides of the pipe or whatever. At this point, I had spent over 25 minutes in the bathroom trying to plunge the toilet, and I decided that it wasn't working.

I came out of the bathroom, and luckily nobody was waiting to use it. I grabbed a bottle of heavy duty degreaser, and dumped a generous amount into the toilet. I then let it soak for a half hour while I took a delivery. When I got back, I tried to plunge it again, but it was just as stubborn as when I started. Feel free to say I'm an unintelligent species, but I literally gave up. There was the perfect amount of water in the toilet to look like it wasn't clogged until you flushed it.

I kind of feel like I may have booby-trapped the toilet, but what was I supposed to do? Go to the manager and be like "hey, so I layed the fattest shit humanly possible in the toilet and now it's permanently clogged." I worked the rest of my 5 hour shift, and nobody mentioned anything, so for all I know the toilet is still occupied by the nachos I ate last night.

TLDR; I clogged the work toilet with the world's most enormous shit, and I think it's still clogged.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/One_Science8349 on 2024-09-15 03:46:07+00:00.

This happened today. I am 45 and I live a pretty quiet life. I have a professional career, I knit, I garden, and I bake cookies. I’m a grandma for Christ’s sake but I’m still a punk rocker at heart.

The husband had zero interest in the bands (tasteless heathen) so he was hanging out in the shade while I went down closer to the stage. I haven’t seen some of these bands in over 20 years and well guys, I couldn’t help myself. I jumped in the pit.

It was a tame pit, most of us were middle aged, but somehow I made contact with the wrong person in the wrong way and lost my footing. I went down on the asphalt HARD and rolled. Some sweet guy snatched me up and set me on my feet and I was right back at it but once the adrenaline wore off. Damn. I fucked up.

I banged up my wrist, I’ve got a good case of road rash on my leg, shoulder, and arm, and I tore my hand up nicely. I’m already pretty sore and I know I’m going to have many physical regrets tomorrow but i won’t regret the memories.

TL;DR I got in a mosh pit when I’m officially too old for that shit.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/No-Construction638 on 2024-09-15 02:29:52+00:00.

A little back story- I have random out burst, whether it’s song lyrics, movie quotes, random noises, etc. Also My wife and I sleep in completely separate sides of the house. She’s on one side, I’m on the other due to my snoring and I’m quite the cover hog.

To the main point

Tonight my wife asked me if I wanted to game so she can play on fb and interact with other people. So im chipping away at this boss for over an hour, I start getting sleepy. I get up, feed the dogs and for some reason the quote “free at last. FREE AT LAST!!!!” Popped into my head. Now normally my random outbursts never equal much;a laugh, a quick “wtf?” Or even just straight being ignored.

Well after I get the dogs settled and kiss her goodnight, turn her light off and start making my way to my side of the house, I have an out burst. I YELLED “Free at last!!”

I felt so bad when it dawned on me thirty seconds later that it seemed like i was saying that im free from her. I had to go back in there, get the dogs settled back down, and sincerely apologize. She was visibly upset but I held her close and told her she would never be free of me and I didn’t mean it cause I had this movie quote in my head.

TL;dr I fucked up by accidentally yelling out that I’m free as I walk away from my wife for the night.

🥲

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/spacesailingfrog on 2024-09-14 17:23:46+00:00.

I, 35m, am a truck driver. I do hobbies on the side, like writing. Mid-year I took some time off for health reasons, finished up my book and started a second. To motivate myself, I entered the second novel into an International book contest. I proceeded to work on it, but it fell off when I went back to work. I deleted all my social media since it occupies too much time whilst on the truck and honestly, the writing community on X is horrendous.

I didn't forget about the contest, I checked my email periodically, completely misremembering I used a separate writer handle for those emails.

Fast forward to yesterday, four months since I submitted. On a whim (trying to remember my discord handle) I logged into said email. Not only did I make the top 40, but I also made the top 10. Ten days prior, was an email from one of the organisers asking about me and my book. I obviously reply immediately with deep apologies, asking if I missed the cut-off, and I get a form email in reply saying they don't reply on weekends.

Okay, I think, I will finish it up this weekend and email it Sunday night.

But the entire thing seems off to me. The long list emails states a requirement for an additional 12k words (the entry was 5k), which I obviously never sent. I didn't even see the email until last night. How could I have possibly gone onto the finals? I am bamboozled, flummoxed, absolutely astounded (and elated) about this turn of events. Even without winning, the exposure of getting my work in front of editors and agents is priceless.

I spent seven hours last night editing and writing.

This morning, I wake up to an email telling me that they had to withdraw me. Understandable, as the winner is announced on 1 October. But when I asked for an explanation of how this could have happened at all, the representative implied that I had been present in Zoom meetings (?) and responded to some sort of group messaging. (She also called me multiple times early morning without leaving a message, which I wrote off as spam. It's a foreign country trying to call me.)

I have yet to receive an explanation, and can only assume it's a weird misunderstanding. Likely someone else with a similar book missed the opportunity that IFU with. Right? There is no sane reason why my mere 5k would be in the running with nine other entries with 12k from the second submission. I shouldn't even have been in the running when I didn't respond to that email.

I apologised profusely whilst trying to get any sort of answers. I feel like more of a failure than ever, and all because I never checked an email account I forgot about.

The only silver lining is that I know my writing is at least worth something, and I can list top ten on (said contest) on my query letters to agents going forward.

I talked it over with my partner, and he was supportive, but I mean... IFU. Hard. It could have led to amazing things. I still believe in this book (much better than my first) and plan on querying it. Maybe it will still land me an agent and I can stop doing this job I honestly hate. Or maybe I had a mere twelve hours of what it must feel like for someone to be successful.

TL;DR: I forgot about an entire email account and missed the opportunity for an international writing contest.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/cjw_5110 on 2024-09-14 21:45:19+00:00.

This year we decided to plant a little garden. We've gotten some delicious tomatoes, zucchini, and various types of peppers, from the sweet to the spicy.

Most of the peppers she planted were ones I'm unfamiliar with, so I've mostly stuck with what I've known. We have some Thai chilies, which are moderately spicy, and I've been loving them.

One pepper that's been calling my name was one my wife told me was sweet, so I figured I'd give it a shot. We've got about three dozen growing, and I was excited to try it.

To be sure, spicy is kind of my thing, so much so that my work colleagues in Hyderabad were shocked when levels of heat they could barely stand were only on the higher end of comfortable for me.

I grabbed what I thought was a sweet pepper and took a hearty bite, about 75% of the whole thing. It was sweet and had a lovely crunch to it. About fifteen seconds later, it started. By a minute in, I was sweating. Clearly something was wrong.

A Google image search showed that it was, in fact, a lemon drop chilli, with a typical Scoville score between 30,000-50,000. For reference, a jalapeno is usually 2,500 to 10,000.

By this point, I was pacing around, waiting for the pain to subside. My kids were looking at me with morbid curiosity as I pretended everything was fine. My wife was half apologizing and half bursting with laughter. Milk did nothing.

After ten minutes, I was left with only the remnants. If I were prepared, it would've been great, but I also wouldn't eaten it in the context of literally anything that wasn't air and nothingness.

TL;DR: Trusted that my wife was knowledgeable about the peppers in our garden even though neither of us have raised anything edible in our 9 years of marriage, and learned the hard way that she was...not.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/No_Lavishness_3910 on 2024-09-14 15:26:48+00:00.

This happened a week ago, and I still can’t get over it.

I’ve been looking for a good math tutor for a while now, and I finally found one on Reddit. Like, a tutor that’s actually patient, understanding and teaches the why rather than just the how.

The only problem is I get anxious in front of guys. Doesn’t matter if I’m attracted to them or not, I just do. Which is fine, but when paired with my ibs - it’s just not a good combo.

Cut to our class. He’s explaining something about calculus or some shit, I don’t fucking know because all I’m focused on is holding it in. I had McDonalds like an hour before class, and of course the fact that he’s male wasn’t helping either. At that moment I was paralyzed.

Then I had an epiphany - I remembered watching this one meme about hiding your farts in class. “If I make a loud noise and fart at the same time, I’ll be good”, I thought to myself. No, I didn’t think to “mute the call” or “excuse myself for the bathroom”. Logic? Reasoning? That’s for pussies. So I sit there, psyching myself up, thinking of all the motivational speakers I scroll past on TikTok.

“No time like the present” I think to myself before coughing as loud as humanly possible. My tutor instantly stops in the middle of explaining whatever he was explaining. We make eye contact. Time freezes. Silence.

As I stare into his soul I let out the biggest, loudest, most diabolical fart I’ve ever heard in my life. Fuck a car engine, Henry Ford came back from the dead to pat me on the back for doing his invention justice. That shit dropped like Hiroshima and revved for about 15 seconds like a ferrari on adderall. I still have hearing damage from that night man. That shit got me fucked up.

After all the commotion ends my tutor cracks a smile right before I immediately leave the session. Best believe I wasn’t sticking around to find out if he smelt it all the way in Dubai or wherever he’s at.

The problem is though, like I didn’t embarrass myself enough already, I realized not soon afterwards how it must’ve looked like from his perspective. From his eyes he was just explaining a topic passionately before the girl he was teaching interrupts him with a cough, farts, then promptly leaves. I wanna die.

TLDR: My poor math tutor got ass blasted to the nth dimension. I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/No-Awareness-8079 on 2024-09-14 14:04:14+00:00.

Obligatory "this happened yesterday, not today". Anyway, here we go:

So, I (20M) am a distance runner. Yesterday I came back from my run and was hit with an incredibly insatiable thirst. I'm always thirsty when I come back from a run, even with my gels, but this was different. I drank and filled up my 24oz hydroflask at least 10 times, maybe more. A bit after that, I started to feel super funny. My limbs felt heavy, I couldn't keep my balance, was slurring my speech, etc. It was honestly terrifying, I was sort of smacked in the face with the fact that I'm not invincible and that I can die. I freak out, but then realize that I probably just had too much water. I called my mom to ask WTF to do, and she said don't worry pumpkin just eat salt. She obviously meant eat something salty, like pretzel sticks, but I was so out of it that I hung up and just downed a couple tablespoons of table salt

About 10 mins later I start to feel a bit less dizzy but start to get nauseous instead. I end up having to run to the bathroom to projectile vomit. I could not stop puking. It had so much velocity. Toilet full. SO much water came out. Turns out table salt will induce vomiting in certain quantities. Roommate came to check on me and I couldn't even speak between heaving and retching. His girlfriend wanted to call 911 but I managed to explain that I just ate something funny. After that I felt way better, and I woke up today feeling fine

TL;DR: Drank too much water and then ate way too much salt trying to fix it, salt made me projectile vomit

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ragnaarock93 on 2024-09-14 11:51:37+00:00.

As is customary this was not today, but around 10ish years ago when McDonald's was running a promotion in which, if you were lucky enough, your meal would be absolutely free upon one condition. All you had to do was tell someone, "I love you" 

Now let's backtrack and I somehow end up with a job working in retail and I literally had to run through hundreds of simulations in my mind just to be able to greet a person walking through the door. With my new found confidence I was able to greet customers and assist them in finding whatever it is they needed. Through my endless simulations I was able t become one of the top sellers in the store. 

There were lots of commercials on TV about this McDonald's promotion, but I never paid it too much mind, reserving my mind simulations for more pressing matters. One day, I decide to go to McDonald's during my lunch break. Since I worked at a store located in a large outdoor outlet it was quite busy. I used my time waiting in line to decide if I wanted to go with the ol'reliable McChicken, McDouble, and a sweet tea combo, or if I would try a new set meal that was just released. 

The cashier was a lovely lady and when I got to the register I went with ol'reliable. When I went to pay she drops an absolute bomb on me. She tells me about their current promotion and says I'll get a free meal if I just say I love you to someone. My brain instantly kicks into overdrive. There are people waiting behind me but I need to run through my simulations.

Will I be a normal person and just call my Mom or Dad? No, that seems too Plain toast. Also, because of a relatively recent situation, I'd rather not tell either of them that I loved them at that moment.

I then think of my brother, but he works a night shift and I don't know if he would be awake. I wouldn't want to bother him.

What if I used this as an opportunity to tell my crush I love them. What am I an idiot? Think of how that could potentially destroy my whole life.

There are people waiting in line, think faster. If time is an issue then I'll just tell the cashier I love her. 

What and involve a completely innocent person in this embarrassing situation? I think not. Time keeps turning and the gears in my head just keep slipping. Nothing seems to be getting done.

I scan the room in a panic thinking I can just tell some person I love you. Nope, not happening. I reach into my pocket pulling out my phone. I unlock my phone, my hands shaking. I scroll up and down my contacts list consisting of basically no one. Things are looking bleak, I'm hoping for a missile to come crashing down to erase my existence from the earth.

It feels as if an eternity is passing and I can feel that the cashier is starting to suspect that something isn't right. 

Oh geez is it getting hot in here? My brain decides to shut off and I must have been as red as a tomato when the cashier finally offers me some solace and tells me everything is fine and I can just go sit down and I don't have to tell anyone I love them. 

Thus ends the creation of a core memory that decides to haunt me whenever I start to feel comfortable with who I have become. 

TL;DR Decided to eat at McDonald's and nearly died from embarrassment after "winning" a free meal.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/D4HU5H on 2024-09-14 13:20:33+00:00.

For context, I am obese. I was 124Kg (273.3lbs) about 3 weeks ago and today, I'm 116Kg (255.7lbs). The quick weight loss was done with the aid of Duromine (Hunger suppressant) and Jardiance (Prevents what is essentially the Uber of glucose for reabsorption from picking glucose up and lets the body excrete it out through urine). The doctor (Clinic A) didn't really touch on what the latter did and I didn't bother to look it up either. I should have, but hindsight is 20/20.

Anyway, the week I started the regime was also, coincidentally, the week I signed up for an insurance policy. The insurance policy required that I do a lipid panel and urine test at a random clinic (Clinic B) of their choice to ensure I did indeed have a clean bill of health apart from the very very unhealthy triglyceride count that was recorded nearly 4 years ago.

This morning, I went for the appointment. Did the blood draw and peed in the stupid bottle that caused me a world of panic and anxiety for a good hour. When the doctor (Clinic B) called me in to speak to me about the results, he didn't mention anything about the lipid panel (which is great to not hear about since it most likely meant I was fine now). But he immediately mentioned the super high counts of glucose in my urine and I just didn't know what to think of it. He told me to redo the test and I did but it didn't improve of course.

I was sitting in the waiting area lost and in denial because a diabetes diagnosis would be devastating at 23 and would also mean certain career death for my route of work. I decided to think of how I could have developed diabetes out of nowhere in the matter of a few months. I didn't exactly go all out on sweets and chocolates and I had been fasting a lot as a result of the hunger suppressant. And then it hit me, I was taking a drug that I had no idea what it did. Researched the name, looked at its mechanism of action and was relieved. I then asked to see the doctor (Clinic B) again after the 2nd lab result came back. Explained that I was taking Jardiance and that was what led to the high glucose count. Got grilled by him for 5mins as he forced me to write down the statement in the form that had EXPLICITLY asked us whether we were on any drugs that were prescribed.

TL;DR , I'm a fatass and a total moron that took a drug that would unknowingly lead to a high glucose count before a urine glucose test and scared myself and a doctor half to death before realizing why the count was so high.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/mullet4superman on 2024-09-13 19:13:06+00:00.

So this was actually today. Whoops.

For date night I thought we could watch a film and when picking I realised the last movies I've picked have all been really silly (think early 00s late 90s comedy flicks) so I thought I would go against the grain and prove to them that yes I have taste and can be deep. I decided on To Kill a Mockingbird because I know they havent read or seen it yet and I have. Excited at the prospect that I was able to show them something important to me and my childhood, I immediate started setting things up. They knew it was about racism and I thought "yup thats enough preparation" (boy was I wrong) The film finished about half an hour ago. And since then my partner has been able to fit in pointed notes such as:

"why did you think I would enjoy that??"

"You need to tell me if a dog dies in a movie"

"A good bulk of your pitch for this movie was about Scout looking funny in a ham costume"

"This is the first evening I've been calm in such a long time"

"You're face looks like a moon" (I have recently shaved and they don't like it)

"When I ask you if he saves Tom Robinson, your reply shouldn't be "I'm not sure", you bastard"

"How am I supposed to go roller skating in 2 hours?"

"I just feel like if we agree to do something on a day we're meant to go out, it shouldt be something likely to give me an emotional breakdown"

So TLDR; I ruined the mood for our date night because I put on a triggering movie and now we may not be able to go skating later

We have calmed down a bit and I have now learned that I should do a good trigger warning session before we watch another big drama movie.

Update: just finished rollerskating (we made it!) And we're all cool. They're driving us home and spotted the moon and said "see it's nice to be called a moon!look how beautiful and radiant it is"

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/PearlTheGeckoGirl on 2024-09-13 18:03:21+00:00.

I am at an eye doctor appointment with my spouse. They dilated her eyes and it takes time for the drops to work so they had us sit in a waiting room for a while. In the waiting room they had a TV. Usually I hate TVs in doctors' offices, but this one was playing short videos of pets and other animals being cute. I didn't feel like reading and my social media was alternating between boring and depressing. So this wasn't so bad. Suddenly there was a creature on the screen that wasn't a cat or dog (or turtle or lizard or snake). The patient next to me asked "What is that?" Another patient responded "I think it's a chinchilla." I recognized it as a sugar glider, and attempted to say so, but the words that came out of my mouth were "sugar baby".

TL;DR I referred to a sugar glider as a sugar baby in public.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/darth_galadriel on 2024-09-13 17:11:01+00:00.

TIFU by making an anonymous Glassdoor review. I work for a smaller credit union in Seattle and I made a review on Glassdoor about my complete experience there over the past year I’ve been there. I mentioned hardships in having to report sexual harassment and experiencing immediate subsequent retaliation, difficulties in switching departments or attaining promotions, being denied skill enhancement mentorship programs or licensing offered to others of the same job title at other locations, and the immense difficulty in being able to schedule an interview for an internal job posting that would be a technical demotion that is taking over a month to do.

HR responded to the Glassdoor post and implied they knew who the person posting is, and suggested on their public reply that I reach out to HR for “resources.” The next day I had an impromptu in-person meeting with two work from home HR reps. One was an employee resource HR representative and the other, an HR Business Partner.

I didn’t get fired, but I basically had a really strange conversation with these representatives that spent the better part of the meeting trying to get me to acknowledge it was I who made the post. I merely agreed with what the poster was saying, and tried to address the issues that I’ve experienced. It was met with a lot of hostility but in the end we reached a middle ground of how the meeting was a “learning opportunity for all parties.”

I’m absolutely leaving the company as soon as I secure another job.

TL;DR TIFU by making a Glassdoor review and HR found out, I almost got fired, but am looking for the exit door anyway so fuck it.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/NecessaryOne6741 on 2024-09-13 16:26:05+00:00.

I bought this random item in a flee market in Berlin because it looked cool and it was cheap. It’s been in my wardrobe ever since until I took it out yesterday to take photos of it because I found out about the r/whatisthisthing page. Lots of people came back with different answers but a few people said it looked like it was radioactive and that I should go to my local fire station to check it. This morning I phoned the non-emergency fire brigade number and explained the situation. Two minutes later 3 fire engines arrive to test the object which was in fact radioactive. They then called for backup and 3 ambulances 3 police cars and a counterterrorism CBRN bomb disposal unit arrive. They evacuate all the flats in the building and after 4 hours they finally remove the object. It turned out to be Thorium (I’m not sure about the isotope number or radiation levels)

Here is the link to the original post:

TL;DR Object I bought in a flee market is identified as radioactive thanks to Reddit and fire brigade