Amab. I get it but it sounds backhanded af. Like you're with him more for security, comfort, resources, and less for personality or physical attraction (which isn't the end all be all, but can help a person, y'know, get there). And it could be a multitude of things but idk saying that you wouldn't boink your partner if they were in a line up of boinkable dudes while you were in a period that you really wanna boink doesn't necessarily feel good. "I don't want to have casual relations, but I would really like to marry you (for your womb to birth my offspring though)" - some strawman idk

[–] Angel@hexbear.net 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

As an """"AMAB,"""" this left me scratching my head confused as fuck, and I still don't understand how someone could be so upset by it. I'd love to hear nothing more than this from my partner.

Point for my gender being validated I guess but also a point for me hating cisheteronormative bullshit.

[–] HexBeara@hexbear.net 8 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

At this point IDK if this is for it against and idc, just pointing it how it could be an issue for most men. I'm not really one for marriage and would rather be single. I myself don't want meaningless sex but to be exploratory(kinks, trauma, neuroses[basically amatuer sexual therapy and seeing what exactly makes me tick and what I actually like because I still don't really know]) and if I would marry them I probably would've been fwbs at first, because idk I'm not one to care about 'sanctity', and would like to know I'm physically / sexuality compatible along with everything else. I just don't see this as someone who's prioritizing ownership of a hole and more of a physical insecurity by mentally comparing themselves to people they've fucked or would've fucked previously.

[–] frankfurt_schoolgirl@hexbear.net 10 points 3 months ago (4 children)

So what was she supposed to say to her bf of 2.5 years, "hey if I saw you on an app i'd totally have a meaningless one night stand with you and then never talk to you again"?

It seems to me that this man is just highly insecure that his gf may have had previous partners because he views her as his property basically.

[–] The_Jewish_Cuban@hexbear.net 31 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I don't see how someone telling their partner "if I saw you on the street I wouldn't find you immediately attractive" is something that wouldn't bother you. Maybe the dude is overreacting, especially since she seems conciliatory and apologetic, but if I'm suffering from a period of body dysmorphia and my S.O. tells me that it would hurt a lot. People like to feel desired and this compliment, intentional or not, could easily be taken as saying you're not.

[–] frankfurt_schoolgirl@hexbear.net 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

She said she wants to marry him. how is that not a huge compliment? it also definitely implies sexual attraction. if my partner said that to me I'd be soviet-bottom for weeks.

[–] The_Jewish_Cuban@hexbear.net 21 points 3 months ago

If you're in a good headspace I think your reaction is 100% percent typical and the right way to interpret it. The kicker is sometimes you just feel like shit about your body and that changes the way you understand it. I hope this guy gets over it because it clearly wasn't meant that way, but he'll have to work through his emotions to do it. It really does impede the way your mind works

[–] Egon@hexbear.net 19 points 3 months ago

She could just not say it, she doesn't have to say anything about it. It's not like they were having a discussion or she was asked directly about it or something.

[–] HexBeara@hexbear.net 18 points 3 months ago

"Man she's hot, not like you though honey, remember I married you, because I love you, not because I enjoy sex with you."

I don't think anybody should be comparing anyone to their partner(s) and doing this will always lead to issues. Saying I'd rather marry you than bang you is kinda an issue, not because they aren't going to bang but it can hurt because of whatever insecurities they might have.

[–] 7bicycles@hexbear.net 17 points 3 months ago

My girlfriend occasionally notes she'd have noticed me at a party or in the streets if I wore that outfit before we were together as a compliment, which is nice, I assume it's more in that realm and not "I don't care about you at all but you're hot"