chapotraphouse

but also completely right

Lots of people in here just acting like Men aren't ever insecure about their bodies.

Yeah I don't get how people can't see the backhandedness. If you wanna say someone is a nice person, just say that, you don't have to add that you're not sexually attracted to them. It's weird to add that you wouldn't consider your partner as a potential hook-up, if you're trying to complement them.

But it lifts people self steem

The way it could be interpreted as a comliment is that fwb or hookup is too shallow and she wouldn't be able to keep it at that level. But it is very badly worded if so. Just say "You're the kind of man I would like to marry" instead, adding in the fwb and hookup stuff before adds nothing to the compliment.

I mean it's pretty much the cycle whenever men have legitimate issues about something in the cisgender heterosexual dynamic. (So glad I'm not a part of that). From my observations, it starts like this:

1- Someone asks men why they don't do X thing or why they think in a Y way. (In this case thinking that such a compliment is backhanded and insulting)

2- Men answer why. (Explaining why they view it this way)

3- Some women who don't like the answers, proceed to shame and try convincing the men into believing they're the ones wrong, or acknowledge that it's a legitimate issue but deflect the blame by saying "not all people do this".

4- Guys see no reason to do or think any different than before and their beliefs are often reinforced. (Gender polarisation increases between men and women).

5- Go back to number 1 and start over.

It's literally the same cycle over and over.

Yeah, it’s easy to feel like the answer is to toughen up when that’s historically been the answer to everything. I fully believe that deconstructing patriarchal masculinity happens through healing of the emotional wounds that patriarchy inflicts on us through understanding and kindness. I also believe that everyone deserves to have their feelings validated. I don’t know if this space is the ideal place for all of that to happen, but if people are trying to use it that way I’m happy to participate.

No wait, the joke is that he understood her phrase as "I'm not really sexually attracted to you, but you feel good enough to settledown"

When she actually meant: "I don't obly want to fuck you but also grow old with you, etc"

if only they got this engaged at something important like Five nights at Freddy's lore

It's very easy to read as "I don't find you super attractive but you seem like someone I could settle for once I'm done playing the field"

Her intent seems to be more "I don't think I could have hooked up with you and moved on because of how special you are to me" but she phrased it in an ambiguous way

Amab. I get it but it sounds backhanded af. Like you're with him more for security, comfort, resources, and less for personality or physical attraction (which isn't the end all be all, but can help a person, y'know, get there). And it could be a multitude of things but idk saying that you wouldn't boink your partner if they were in a line up of boinkable dudes while you were in a period that you really wanna boink doesn't necessarily feel good. "I don't want to have casual relations, but I would really like to marry you (for your womb to birth my offspring though)" - some strawman idk

"I would not consider you a sexual partner, were it not for our pre-existing social relationship" isn't really something I'd consider a compliment.
That is how I understand what is being said, and my understanding comes largely from the fact that FWB is also denied as a possibility, since that is also a long-term social relationship, but one based primarily on raw sexual attraction rather than social dynamics.
I've seen other say it also comes off as saying you're "settling" for the same reasons.

I see people saying variations of "what they mean is that they couldn't just be FWB". That's not what is being said though, and that meaning is lost in the way it is phrased. That would have been a compliment though.

I think every one earth wants to be considered hot, smart, and funny. If your partner says something that comes off as suggesting you are not one of those things, it can be hurtful.

"I find you sexually attractive exclusively due to the emotional and romantic connection, not because of your physical attractiveness" is not a compliment of someone's physical attractiveness. Wanting to be perceived as physically attractive is not controlling and patriarchal.