this post was submitted on 02 Sep 2024
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They're playing the elephant song on the radio!
We can’t bust heads like we used to—but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don’t go anywhere like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I decided to go to Morganville which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So, I tied an onion to my belt which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel. And in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah! The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.”
I've wanted a belt buckle of The Onion's logo for years now because of that scene
I work kitchens and have ties big yellow onions to my belt on several occasions. It does kinda look cool
I can improv my own Abe Simpson rants and have been practing since I was 12. I can also do Mr burns no problem. I really like turn of the Century verbiage
Re-vulcanize my tires and fill her up with petroleum distillate post-haste!
It's just vapor lock!
Isn't thar what we're all asking in our lives? 'Where's my elephant?' This reporter is