Years ago, when my dad and I were still talking to each other before I came out to any family, he was going to barber school. I'd grow out what I had and go to the school for him to shave me, as a dutiful "son" and someone who felt obligated and wanted private time with me and my dad. I did have to stop eventually, it was really bad for my mental health and dysphoria to keep growing my facial hair. Even as a teen, ages before I cracked my egg, I couldn't do no shave November and would always crack in the first week - I would not have been able to tell you why because part of the charm was our goofy ugly teen quasi staches. On this side of egg crack, it's very obvious why lol

A lot of self care stuff like exercising or eating healthy can feel quite onerous. It's not all having warm baths with candles or self-compassion and being gentle with oneself (although those are still important). It's good that you did what you could about shaving, that's a very good sign and it's good progress. Maybe you can figure out a different system that works, get laser, Nair (hair removal cream, you can get gentle stuff for face so not use the harsh leg stuff or pube stuff on your face), even waxing. Even if you end up needing to shave to help your dysphoria, it will likely feel better than the alternative of not shaving despite the awful middle stage. Also, struggles with facial hair does unite a lot of women - cis or trans - you are not alone. Number one users of laser hair removal for facial hair is cis women.