this post was submitted on 22 Apr 2024
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It’s weird because I’ve known I was trans for several years now yet I still feel like I’m discovering things about myself. Like I just had the realization that I generally try to spend as little time in front of the mirror as possible (outside of the times I’m trying to do some fashion stuff) and when I do look in the mirror I very often feel like I’m looking at a stranger. I don’t dislike how this stranger looks nor do I have any visceral reaction towards them but they aren’t exactly me. I feel like I generally don’t think much about this sense of depersonalization because I unconsciously spend a lot of energy trying to bury it, hence why I just realized that I’m not a fan of mirrors. There seems to be this engine that runs in my brain that constantly works to shield me from feeling acutely dysphoric, which on the one hand I appreciate but on the other hand it probably has burned a ton of calories on essentially nothing productive haha.
Oh yeah me too, I never looked in the mirror since about puberty to one year on hrt lol. Same with videos and pictures. Couldn't have told you why before my egg cracked
I didn't realize how much I avoided mirrors until after thinking I didn't really experience much dysphoria. Brains are incredible sometimes....