MORE PRIDE THAN EVER BEFOOOOOOORE 
this post was submitted on 17 Jun 2024
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Being afraid of coming out is fairly normal, i don't get how that would have any impact on you being "actually trans"
Being proud of who you are and putting yourself out there without fear are not inherent to being trans, they are skills. You need to learn them. By "need", i mean that they are indispensable to lead a good life as a trans person, but also that these attitudes, ways of thinking and mannerisms need to be grown and developed by practice and exposure. The initial round of coming outs is part of the first, big steps in that direction, as are the first times presenting as your true self in public, and these moments are, at times, big, scary, leaps of faith. But they also take big weights off your shoulder, they free you off the burden of keeping the secret, and it gets easier after that, like, a lot.
I phrased it badly, those are two separate thoughts. "wow I really need to come out to people" at the same time as "am I even trans?" and it's just like :thonk: how can I be doubting if I'm trans at the same time as wanting/feeling like I need to come out. Cis people don't come out.
Yea it is a skill, and one I'm pretty terrible at. Thanks, I really hope it does get easier. It doesn't feel like it.