this post was submitted on 24 Jun 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

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[–] Zuzak@hexbear.net 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I guess that makes sense. Part of it is just trying to avoid uncomfortable situations and defaulting to being upfront when I don't know how to handle things.

[–] imogen_underscore@hexbear.net 9 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

it's an understandable worry, I don't want to come across as prescriptive or presumptuous but if you're out I would encourage you to use your chosen name and work on confidence in putting forward your actual identity in situations like that rather than leaning on your deadname, feeling like you have to say you're trans upfront etc. I don't know you and don't want to make assumptions but I've seen people who do this stuff in early transition and it often seems to me like a way of undermining themselves. I think the best thing you can do is just roll with putting forward your true self and not make those kinds of concessions preemptively. sure it may lead to awkward situations down the line (believe me I've been there with employers) but I think it's worth the boon in self confidence that comes with fully putting forward your true self and not undercutting.

sorry if it comes across prescriptive or if I made any undue assumptions about you. I just wanna see my trans comrades gaining confidence and to be brutally frank I guess I think putting your deadname and the fact you're trans on a resume isn't really a step in that direction.

[–] Zuzak@hexbear.net 8 points 3 months ago

Oh no that's fine and I think you're giving good advice.

I'm coming at this from a perspective where I've always been closeted at work. Until uhh, two days ago the only people I came out to were people who I either knew would react positively, or who I could cut off if they didn't. Asserting myself on this (or anything, really) in the context of an involuntary and potentially adversarial relationship is new to me. Including my chosen name at all on a resume is a big step for me, so relegating my deadname to a note at the end instead of at the top of fine with me, emotionally speaking, for now. But it is kind of an awkward addendum.