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So, as some of you might know, I'm kinda struggling. I think starting my transition would make things easier. To do this now, unfortunately I have to come out. I don't think my family will be openly hostile but I don't expect them to understand.
How should I come out, and what questions should I plan for? What things should I not say? I don't know if I'll do it super soon but I want to prepare myself.
Don't say "I think i might be..." or "I've been thinking", nothing that will sound like an opening to dismiss or argue your feelings.
"I am" or "I've known for [time frame]" work best because they cement your feelings as a fact.
Expect questions that might feel overly invasive or personal that you may not want to or be ready to share like "Why do you feel this way?", "Are you sure?", "What made you feel this way?", "Are you going to do x, y or z?"
Coming out is the hardest step, I promise you things get much easier to talk about once it's out in the open.
You got this!
seconding this. be adamant, dont be flimsy. start solid and end solid. say you are a woman and mean it! i feel like i came out in a very meek way and the fuckers wouldnt let it go for like 2-3 years
I will try. I have been meek my entire life so... yaknow. I guess if I pull it off it would make them that much more confident I'm doing the right thing.
How do I even answer a question like this
because I definitely think a question like that is coming and they will really want to know. I can barely explain to myself.
Thank you
I hope things get easier, I really can't if they don't.
These questions don't need to be answered truth be told. Sometimes we just feel things and we feel that those things are just right. But I think your response really depends on you and how you feel about yourself and the path you see in front of you.
For example if someone I came out to asked me "Are you sure?", if I was feeling especially confrontational that day I'd turn it around on them and ask them how are they sure they're not trans. Or if I knew the person a bit more personally and was okay with talking about my deeper feelings, I'd talk to them about how horrible I felt before coming to an understanding of who I am.
I know I don't technically have to, but I really feel like they should have an answer and like the better they understand and more legitimate I seem, the more supportive they will be.
That is a good idea, I should figure out what things I want to share. Thank you.
I think it depends on the person and how they're asking it. For my brother, he was skeptical, but like in a way where it was clear he wanted his skepticism to be proven wrong, not in a dismissing way. I was pretty open about all my thoughts (I think I just went over things roughly chronologically, because that was an easy way to organize thoughts for me) until he was content with my conclusion. You don't owe that kind of personal explanation to anyone, especially not people who are just trying to be dismissive.
The only other person I've come out to I was less direct with and its effectively feeling like I'm coming out repeatedly because he didn't get it. So I'd suggest like others: be clear/direct. But like, also don't tell them when they're already really drunk and may forget. He's been really chill with everything.
I'll still need to come out to my parents fully. Too much being indirect for my mom to get it so far. And I think stepmom does get it to some extent, but not clue how much since because of being indirect. My explanations for some things have been "cuz" or "I want to" or a shrug, which probably hasn't been helpful.
Something I learned along the way in life generally is to ask for what I need.
Hi family, I'm a transwoman. I've known this for a while, but am no longer keeping it to myself because I would really love all of your support. And I would appreciate it if people would use she/her pronouns now and call me Rayne. Also, if anyone has some femme clothes they don't want anymore, I would love to try them on and what I don't keep, I'm happy to drop off at the thrift store.
Remember, it's really not about them. Transitioning is healing and healthy. People wouldn't try to talk us out of chemo, or be skeptical if we said we needed it. Don't let unsupportive people make you defend living your best life. If supportive people want to understand your struggles, share as much as you are comfortable with. And if they want to understand trans health care more generally, send them some of your favorite resources rather than trying to educate them. Because it's not the job of vulnerable populations to educate privileged people.
Share your lived experience if people are supportive, ask for what you need, and don't make it your job to educate people because it's often rooted in skepticism or trying to talk us back into the closet.
That's the advice I wish I had given myself before coming out to my family. I hope it's helpful and not too aggressive.
Final thought, however things go, we're here for you :)
That's a good idea, I need to figure out what I actually want. I'm thinking hrt and maybe they/them pronouns. I don't know I feel really weird asking for she/her at this point and I don't think they'd be okay with me wearing fem clothes right now anyway. Maybe next time I go shopping I can try and find something more gender neutral though.
Thank you, it is very helpful.