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Another week, another thread. Go out there and have a good one everyone! 
Now that the E is finally starting to have effects on my psyche and emotions, this is how women feel all the time? I feel so calm and clear now. i don't understand who could get mad at anything like this
It feels like some sort of mental barrier broke down last week, and now I'm able to fully see and appreciate all the progress I've made 
Now I actually like looking at myself in the mirror! I've been smiling much more than usual as well, I'm just really happy c:
I smoked a cigarette last weekend ๐ณ I quit like 6 months ago when I started hormones. I am not getting any cravings thankfully it does seem like I kicked rhe physical habit but my god I love cigs still lol
cw sh
Holy shit this is the worst urges I've had in so long. I'm more worried I'm going to actually do it (not right now, but at some point) then I've been in a while. Apparently sh urges because of dysphoria is going to become a thing for me :cri:
What do I even do :cri:
Edit: feelings have largely subsided for now
ใใฟใใฌ
Stay strong. There's a better future for you out there. You may not have figured it all out yet, but know that you will figure it out someday and you will have a path of your own to follow. Once you figure it out and you start working for yourself, then things will start moving in the right direction. I promise. 
The path is so hard :cri: and I don't feel like I'll really be happy with myself at the end.
:meow-hug: but thank you, this is very nice to read
CW: Bigot threats at the workplace
spoiler
Work's hired more openly gsm individuals, a welcome sign though its an unfortunate reminder that's the best we can get out here, low paid work regardless of education. The local populace hasn't been taking well to it and we've been getting cutesy veiled threats in the god bless your heart sort of people calling in with chain 'lost guns' like the impending apocalypse of every chud/fasc iteration of Tequila Sunset. I hate this, brings back bomb threat memories when I tried to get into a lab internship, though the local chuds could get easily be riled up to no good, especially next month, while the students weren't serious since it only happened during finals and midterms, funny that.
How are we today, trans comrades of hexbear? I've been having an awful time with my health lately so I just want to chat and read about other peoples' days
I'm going back to undergrad! Pretty excited tbh
I want to try only allowing myself a dysphoria post after I've accomplished something in coding. Currently, I'm putting together a portfolio so I can start applying for jobs. I can't let myself forget that this is my goal and I actually like doing it! I don't want to get so lost in my dysphoria, but I also can't pretend it's not there
I turned [age] in the last [period of time] and while I did have a lovely birthday, I felt like a failure for letting a year go by while not having a plan to fix my dysphoria situation. That's stuck with me a lot. I won't have this situation resolved when I turn [age + 1] next year, but I want to look back and say I got absolutely everything else in order - job, creative stuff, life
Maybe I can't see a path forward right now, but I'm going to try my best to trust that it exists and that I will find it. I grieve my body and what's happened on level that's hard to put to words, but this can't be where everything ends
(coding) I fixed all the functions in my current project!
I did a silly and made most of my event listeners connected to anonymous functions. It worked in a project I did with a friend, but I realized I made a mess of things by not having functions I could easily call whenever I needed and was digging myself into a hole. I converted everything that needed to be into typical functions and kept the ones that didn't need to be called outside of events. Everything works and I'm happy. Wrapping things up on it this weekend
(body stuff) I earned this
I hate having a vagina!!
dysphoria inducing stuff i should have tagged long ago, sorry
today's trans girl emotions: getting jealous of 8 year old girls because they got to be girls when they were eight and you never did 
my tits hurt posting:
i feel like my tits have grown for no other reason than it's suddenly a sensitive area now. Nothing has actually grown yet, or if it has, i am way too early on HRT to have any remotely noticeable physical growth there yet, but they feel bigger now somehow and that's wild
Had some random middle-aged dude hollering at me across the street to come over to him yesterday. I've gradually changed my presentation to be more feminine the last few months, along with HRT, and this is the first time something like this happened.
Instead of uncomfortable, it made me feel really proud and happy, but now I feel uncomfortable about feeling proud and happy about it and it's just weird :/
Just discovered that the small independent publisher of trans lit tRaum books (they just released June Martin's debut novel Love/Aggression, which I can only recommend) has its seat in Munich. They're completely anglophone, so I didn't expect that. Sometimes I fear that trans lit is just fully concentrated in New York, so I'm really surprised that people are doing something in Germany of all places.
there's always some fuckin song off the wallsocket album stuck in my head now 
dysphoria/weight/ed posting
Holy shit I need to lose weight 
I feel so fat and terrible. The past like day and a half has been so good and now I'm crying out of no where. I just feel so big.
Honestly I don't even know how to lose weight "properly". I mean I know like, eat right and that shit but like how am I actually going to do it 
I don't even know what my target weight should be. If I ever commit to it I'm just going to end up starving myself again. I just want to be thin and flat like a board. I just keep eating too much 
Why I am so fucking large.
(just to clarify my tone, I'm not necessarily asking for weight loss advice. You can still post it if you want but I'm really just venting)