crime
this post was submitted on 31 May 2024
57 points (100.0% liked)
askchapo
22766 readers
368 users here now
Ask Hexbear is the place to ask and answer ~~thought-provoking~~ questions.
Rules:
-
Posts must ask a question.
-
If the question asked is serious, answer seriously.
-
Questions where you want to learn more about socialism are allowed, but questions in bad faith are not.
-
Try !feedback@hexbear.net if you're having questions about regarding moderation, site policy, the site itself, development, volunteering or the mod team.
founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
What crimes do you recommend?
gang weed
Community gardens are a good way to meet people.
Many game shops have tabletop groups and that's a good way to meet nerds.
Punk/DIY shows are 40% music and 60% social event.
People who do the drogs have very elaborate and often inclusive social structures around them.
Places around you with bulletin boards will often be papered with events.
The number one thing, though, is accepting conversations as they come. I don't mean trying to small talk everyone you pass on the street, but if you have a thought that's relevant and not rude, share it- you can end up relating really well to someone. I'm an ambivert and I don't really seek people out, but if people talk to me I'll talk right back, and sometimes it goes places.
Id say go to local events and talk to the people around you. I'm sure there are pro Palestinian rallies somewhere by you. I've met so many cool people just talking to the person standing next to me at a rally or march. Sometimes the main point of a "do nothing" protest is actually be a reason to bring like minded folks together.
Yeah I guess there's no shortcut to actually talking to people. Being shy sucks
It really does. Your best hope is that you get "adopted" by a charismatic person and just brought into their circles if you are cool.
If we were in the same city I'd be your friend. :(
If we were in the same city I'd be your friend. :(
haha thank you
Volunteering. I made some good friends doing mutual aid stuff.
Edit: I'll expand, since it's relevant: I was distributing hot meals to hungry people. This was actually really good practice talking to people (strangers). Was intimidating at first, but I leaned into it and really enjoyed doing it.
Fun group physical activities like hiking or rock climbing or BJJ or volleyball/basketball/flag football/ultimate rec leagues is where I have met essentially all of my friends.
IRL meetups for any hobbies you have. Even things like jigsaw puzzling have meetups.
I just don’t understand why these people have no interests already? Like why ask people for ideas in what to do who doesn’t know what hiking is? I recommend meetup.com though for sure, there’s also bumble bf and some other apps if ou search that one
But yeah choose thing you like to do—-> apply public/outside/other humans and you can be healthy then
It's called being depressed
I just don’t understand why these people have no interests already? Like why ask people for ideas in what to do who doesn’t know what hiking is? I recommend meetup.com though for sure, there’s also bumble bf and some other apps if ou search that one
But yeah choose thing you like to do—-> apply public/outside/other humans and you can be healthy then
"I just don't understand why people find it hard to get a job and a car and a house? Just go out there, find one, and save money. It's sO eAsY!"
With all due respect, get the fuck out with that shit. This is supposed to be a place of support, not judgmental fucking bullshit like you're spouting.
It's true (not trying to put OP on blast here) that if someone is asking how to meet people that is probably more indicative of an underlying issue where they aren't pursuing self-actualization by cultivating special interests or hobby skills. If you are doing those you tend to encounter & attract kindred spirits fairly easily.
probably more indicative of an underlying issue where they aren't pursuing self-actualization by cultivating special interests or hobby skills.
Uhh what's up with this Jordan Peterson BS you're spouting? This sounds like some "clean your room" shit.
no ur right, doing literally anything to make yourself not the most boring person imaginable is the same as cryptofascism
If you are doing those you tend to encounter & attract kindred spirits fairly easily.
This is wrong and bordering on victim-blaming.
doing literally anything to make yourself not the most boring person imaginable
And now you're not just bordering on it anymore. Muslimmarxist is right, this is Jordan Peterson level garbage. I have always had many hobbies and am interested in more things than I have time to even begin to explore with the kind of depth I'd like to (without cutting into the time I devote to other interests and passions). Even so, I have in the past and for extended periods had tremendous difficulty meeting people due to extreme social phobia.
Implying that people who suffer from loneliness aren't pursuing self-actualization or aren't cultivating their interests is a form of ableism. While it is possible that a lack of interests could be why someone is lonely, in most cases it has nothing to do with it. It's like saying "the reason you don't have a job is because you're lazy." Like, maybe? but just as likely not, and it serves as another thought-terminating cliche that people privileged enough to not suffer from that problem can tell themselves to avoid recognizing the deeper and more pernicious systemic issues. Just as a person can have no hobbies but still be very social and outgoing, a person can have numerous and profound passions but no friends.
In addition to that, many (even most?) hobbies can be done either socially or completely in solitary. Sometimes a hobby that a person is passionate about can even take up so much of their time and attention that they lose social skills and opportunities for social interactions. It's a little ironic that you used rock climbing as an example because I was recently watching some Alex Honold (who is probably the world's most famous rock climber at this point) interviews where he said that he developed his love of rock climbing because it was something solitary that he could go off and do on his own, being a friendless introvert who had trouble relating with people around him. Please don't reinforce the potentially harmful misconception that lonely and isolated people are that way because they just don't have enough interests, or even that developing more interests will somehow help alleviate that loneliness and isolation. Neither are remotely true.
Okay, but none of that is relevant to what OP asked, which is how they can meet people, not how they get over their extreme social phobia.
Also that's great for Alex Honnold's conception of climbing, a guy who is literally famous for being a guy who climbs alone and who started climbing before the sport exploded in popularity in the early 2010s, but that is not the case for basically every other person who takes up the sport.
but none of that is relevant to what OP asked
It's relevant to what you were saying the problem was with OP's predicament, which you were wrong about.
but that is not the case for basically every other person who takes up the sport.
It was for me. Doesn't matter if it's not the common rock-climbing experience (and I'd bet it's more common than you realize). It still shows that your reasoning for why people tend to be alone is completely vapid. The fact remains, a person can take up rock climbing and have such a hobby that never alleviates their loneliness no matter how serious they get about that activity and no matter how self-actualized they become. Your original statements to that effect are nonsense and it's unfortunate you can't seem to just accept that and try to be better about it in the future.
It so happens that Alex Honnold now often climbs with friends and has many videos where he does so, but it's because he addressed deeper issues, overcame systemic obtacles our capitalist society erects that especially impede neurodivergent people with social difficulties, and made efforts to put himself into social situations, not because he took up the hobby in the first place. His solitude was not because he was failing at "pursuing self-actualization by cultivating special interest or hobby skills" because he has been able to do that in a way to a greater degree than most humans ever will. He was also fortunate enough to eventually get so good and proficient at his solitary "hobby" as to be financially self sufficient and relatively well-off, things that make it infinitely easier to overcome the social alienation we all experience under capitalism but that hit people with social anxieties and certain personality disorders much harder (which is part of why what you said is in fact ableist). Like countless other people, he spent many years being deeply passionate about an activity, finding himself through it, but still lived an intensely solitary lifestyle. He was living out a van all by himself and without any other home, traveling to wherever he wanted to climb at that moment.
Whether that's common or not, (and I'd argue it's quite common to have many hobbies and interests but still struggle with isolation and loneliness) it puts the lie to what you said about the problem so many people have with meeting others, even having to ask how to do so or to interact in social settings, being due to their failure to self-actualize or develop interests or hobbies. It's a sweeping ableist generalization based in ignorance. And then you doubled down on it in an even more derogatory way when muslimmarxist correctly called it out. Just... 
disengage
In addition to everything suggested so far, I'd recommend Meetup if they have it where you live. You can search for groups, and sort them by proximity. I join a few events on Meetup every now and again, just whatever looks fun (also used to run a few groups that ended up folding due to covid). I've made enough friends off them that I can bring them as +1s to stuff I'd rather not attend solo.
I've done this and all I find are old lady book clubs and zoom seminars.
you can always be friends with old people, and they will have younger relatives that they might put you in contact with.
Yes, old people are cool. They are usually super chill and have a lot of stories to tell
Yeah there has been a noticeable drop off since I first used it, only the large groups can afford to pay the organiser subscription after any promo period ends. The ones that remain are bankrolled through sources other than their strict MU membership. So I notice groups pop up briefly, gain a small pool of members, then shift to other platforms when it comes time to pay up.
This
I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if where I live people simply don't use it, but meetup.com to me only shows events and groups by "expats" and "digital nomads".
I mostly meet people through mutual interests
I assume you're a cis-het guy? Not gonna lie it's gonna be tough going to events solo, as a single guy automatically puts many people's defenses up. Also tbh you're not gonna find great advice on hexbear when it comes to specifically male loneliness issues. It might be better to find a site/forum that specifically caters to that.
Yeah, I honestly don't even know why I made this post. I'm just not doing well mentally rn and I'm doing some random shit
Ask an animal shelter if you can volunteer to walk the dogs.
Get a gym membership, and if anyone looks at you funny, say “I have no idea what I’m doing, advice is appreciated.”
Learn the hobbies of 2 coworkers and ask about them.
Look at meetup.com for things in your area.
Sit in a park and read poetry. Eventually a girl will approach as long as you focus on reading (it might take days, poetry girls are shy).
a site/forum that specifically caters to male loneliness issues
yeah so about that...
Have you tried Facebook? Nextdoor? Instagram?
Lots of leftist groups in your vicinity that you can find through Instagram especially.
TTRPG groups are a good bet too.
I haven't tried anything yet. I just wanted to know what other people are doing.
I was thinking about doing some volunteer work or just showing up at random public gatherings. Myabe I'll meet some cool people this way
Volunteer work is great as you'll have something to keep you occupied if you're struggling to initiate a conversation, and also you'll have to talk to people just a bit to get some instruction or collaborate on the work. You'll start off on a good fit since people will like that you're helping out with their favourite cause, and they'll be naturally a bit curious about you and why you joined.
Do stuff you like doing and then casually over time start talking to other people doing the same things.
I do a lot through dance stuff
Classes are a very safe bet but pricier. Lowkey grassroots event are also easy and cheap but harder to find. Festivals/raves > shows > clubs are more variable cause it's loud af and way less intimate but people are gonna be high and super friendly. Note mainstream clubs interactions are gonna be interpreted as flirting, and ime first interactions with people when we're both high af never goes stronger beyond that (i.e. drug/party buddies)
I got involved with the local bicycle users group around me. It's a chance to take my kids for a ride with some chill older people. I may not call them 'friends' but it's a chance to hang out with other people now and then
