this post was submitted on 17 Jul 2024
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The Onion

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Who Is Trump’s VP Pick J.D. Vance? (www.theonion.com)
submitted 5 months ago by cypherpunks@lemmy.ml to c/theonion@midwest.social
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[–] solsangraal@lemmy.zip 37 points 5 months ago (2 children)

poor onion couldn't compete with reality so they had to start printing facts

[–] alekwithak@lemmy.world 27 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I was gonna say...

"Face Shape: Cherubic.

Go-To Eyeliner Brand: Covergirl Intensify Me! Liquid Liner in Intense Black.

When Scanned At Vet Microchip ldentifies Owner As: Peter Thiel".

Where even is the satire?

[–] classic@fedia.io 11 points 5 months ago

Facts my ass 😡 this is clarely a lIbTaRd hit piece!! Vance's favorite eyeliner is Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Waterproof Eyeliner Pencil

Maybe if you weren't busy with your pronouns you would knoe that

[–] Snapz@lemmy.world 26 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

When Scanned At Vet, Microchip Identifies Owner As: Peter Thiel

Make sure you know the truth around this part and how it relates to elon musk announcing that he'll perpetually donate $45 million per month to trump.

[–] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 6 points 5 months ago

Mmmmhmmmmm, glad others recognize it too.

[–] Omega_Man@lemmy.world 19 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

Books: Hillbilly Elegy, The Wizards Of Elzagard I-III, The Children Of Elzagard IV-V, Elzagard Chornicles: The Crystal Of Sa’Sakar I-IX, Encyclopedia Elzagarium: The Complete Companion To The Elzagard Realm

This is gold. Can we all just pretend the Elzagard series is real and just gaslight the fuck out of everyone?

[–] morphballganon@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Vance writing a fantasy novel series would give us something to like about him, so that might sway the nerdy southerner vote.

[–] Omega_Man@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago (2 children)

We could make the main character gay.

[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago

Or any skintone darker than than mayonaise.

[–] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 5 points 5 months ago

I am so fucking down for this and the Original Trilogy was obviously the best…I will fight you.