this post was submitted on 28 Aug 2024
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anti_cishet_aktion

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[CW: Discussions of Transphobia/Unsolicited Sexual Behavior]A "leftist feminist" who disagreed with something I said accused me of having "male privilege" even though she knows I'm transfeminine. She said that "all male people have male privilege," with the term "male" there including transfeminine people. To do some harm reduction, she said "I didn't say anything about your gender, just your maleness."

What's really the kicker is that, even if you like to use this awful "sex and gender are different things" as a means of trying to have one foot on the transphobe side and another foot on the trans ally side, the idea of transfeminine people having male privilege from a systemic point of view is just deeply unserious.

I lost my family, got called queerphobic slurs by them in the process, dealt with extended periods of joblessness while also fearing the potentiality of being homeless with basically no support but Hexbear, and have gone through various other abuses because of my transfeminine identity, including uncomfortable sexual scenarios with men, and I have male privilege?

Well, let's not forget that she was also anti-cracker-aktion

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[–] frankfurt_schoolgirl@hexbear.net 52 points 2 months ago

Tell her she has cis privilege and move on emilie-shrug

[–] buh@hexbear.net 39 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Having a penis is so great I’m having 5 more surgically attached

[–] WhatDoYouMeanPodcast@hexbear.net 30 points 2 months ago

BE NOT AFRAID angel-biblical

[–] AcidSmiley@hexbear.net 21 points 2 months ago

causing a stack overflow error to fix bottom dysphoria

[–] Angel@hexbear.net 19 points 2 months ago (1 children)

This created quite the images in my mind sadness-abysmal

[–] buh@hexbear.net 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)
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[–] PKMKII@hexbear.net 34 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You know what this sounds like to me? The gender equivalent of bigots who pull the “the problem isn’t [insert ethnic minority] genetics, it’s [insert ethnic minority] culture.” Especially as they could’ve just gone with “well the experiences and perspectives of cisgendered women will be different from that of trans women/trans feminine” gambit instead of calling your gender identity into question.

[–] Angel@hexbear.net 20 points 2 months ago (1 children)

What's funny is that my partner, who is a cis woman, agreed with what I said, but this transphobe conveniently neglected that because she saw an opportunity for misgendering me and accusing me of "male privilege" in the process.

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[–] Outdoor_Catgirl@hexbear.net 30 points 2 months ago (5 children)

The "you can't change your sex, just gender" feels transphobic. Same with amab/afab. It's all a way to say "you're really still just a man/woman." Most cis "allies" still see trans people's gender as matching their birth sex, and are just correctly gendering us because it's what we ask for, not because they actually believe we are that gender.

[–] Lenins_Cat_Reincarnated@hexbear.net 20 points 2 months ago (3 children)

The differentiating between sex and gender is definitely transphobic but I don’t see a problem with a trans person menioning that they were amab or afab. I think that the difference in which male presenting and female presenting children are treated are important topics to talk about, also for trans people (if they want to obviously).

I view my experiences of sexual assaults and aggressions when I was a child as part of growing up while presenting as a girl. These events would not have happened if the perpetrators did not see me as a girl. And these events have had a huge impact on who I am today, and I need to share the afab part to anyone that is important enough to me that I want them to understand who I am and why I am who I am. Transphobes will use it to disregard my gender, but anyone smart enough to be able to distinguish gender identity and assigned gender at birth will understand what I mean when I tell them that my assigned gender at birth was female.

Idk if I need to add a disclaimer that I recognise that sexual violence can be a part of a boys’ childhood as well same for trans children who present as boy or non binary. It’s just that in the violence that I experienced my female presentation was very explicitly the reason why I was assaulted. I’m pretty sure that the median cis woman gets most frequently sexually harassed when she is a child (for me it was between ages 10 and 16), so sexual harassment is a pretty big part of growing up when you are perceived as being a girl as well.

[–] Outdoor_Catgirl@hexbear.net 19 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'm talking about the shit like "queer household looking for roommates, afabs only" that's just the woke way to call transfems men and transmascs women.

Ew, I’ve never seen that but that’s very transphobic

[–] Angel@hexbear.net 17 points 2 months ago (2 children)

"AMAB" and "AFAB" are absolutely not inherently bad, but they've been tainted by certain kinds of people, being used as some sort of "woke" loophole for misgendering. For instance, since trans women and transfeminine people are undeniably AMAB by definition, people find that using "AMAB" instead of "man" isn't misgendering even though it can still be incredibly toxic. This could manifest as people disgustingly saying things like "AMABs tend to be more violent than AFABs."

[–] naom3@hexbear.net 10 points 2 months ago

Yeah, it can be a useful descriptor sometimes, but way too often it’s just used by people who believe in the sex/gender dichotomy as a substitute for male/female

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[–] Belly_Beanis@hexbear.net 12 points 2 months ago

It's just that in the violence that I experienced my female presentation was very explicitly the reason why I was assaulted.

I know this probably isn't what you meant, but I wanted to say it anyway. Nothing about you or your appearance can be blamed on you. It was the responsibility of your assaulters to not attack and hurt other people. It's done by people who think they have a right to someone else's body.

[–] naom3@hexbear.net 18 points 2 months ago

The "you can't change your sex, just gender" feels transphobic

It feels transphobic because it is. Like just straight up transphobia. It’s also just factually untrue.

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 18 points 2 months ago

Most cis "allies" still see trans people's gender as matching their birth sex, and are just correctly gendering us because it's what we ask for, not because they actually believe we are that gender.

Absolutely feel the same way. I'm surprised more people don't.

[–] Findom_DeLuise@hexbear.net 14 points 2 months ago

correctly gendering us because it's what we ask for, not because they actually believe we are that gender

Ray Blanchard and his consequences have been a disaster for the human race.

[–] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I am a transSEXUAL I have transed my SEX.
My gender has not changed.

It really feels like half the time cis people ust think it's the opposite and you change your "gender" by being a man who wears woman's clothes and uses different pronouns.
I fucking hate cissies.

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[–] Deinonychus@hexbear.net 26 points 2 months ago

"I didn't say anything about your gender, just your malene.." stalin-gun-1 stalin-gun-2

[–] BeamBrain@hexbear.net 22 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Sounds like you had the bad fortune to run into a TERF.

[–] Angel@hexbear.net 21 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I feel like that TERFs aren't usually the kind to hide behind the "gender/sex distinction" shit in this manner (y'know, "adult human female"), but I guess they could be. I find that it's something that a lot of """"well-meaning"""" libs will do to make the concept of trans people sound more digestible for conservatives.

[–] AcidSmiley@hexbear.net 19 points 2 months ago

From what i've seen it seems fairly common in the UK, at least among lib transphobes. Post-purge Labour uses this shit a lot.

[–] Findom_DeLuise@hexbear.net 15 points 2 months ago

Oh, some of them certainly do. Julia Serano goes into it repeatedly in Whipping Girl -- at the end of the day, it's a combination of cis gender entitlement and oppositional sexism. Anyway, down with cis.

[–] TheBroodian@hexbear.net 22 points 2 months ago (1 children)

This reads to me like somebody believes that life, and power structures come with well defined and immutable rules like a board game. Like if you just know the rules really good, that then you'll win.

berdly-smug

Guess you just didn't know the rules good enough

[–] Angel@hexbear.net 25 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Being a feminist who thinks that having a Y chromosome automatically puts you on a specific part of the hierarchy is absolutely fucking crazy. How can a feminist have such an immaterialist perception of patriarchy? Bioessentialism rots the mind.

[–] RION@hexbear.net 18 points 2 months ago (2 children)

"I didn't say anything about your gender, just your maleness."

thonk-trans

I think the sex v gender thing can be valuable as a little white lie to help people begin to understand without getting too complicated—kinda like how kids often don't learn about plasma when they're learning states of matter because it's kinda confusing at that stage, or how physics problems often assume an impossible frictionless environment to make learning other elements easier.

[–] iridaniotter@hexbear.net 18 points 2 months ago (3 children)

No, teaching people an incorrect model first necessitates re-educating them later or else they're going to cause issues. This isn't like Newtonian gravity and relativity - a brief explanation of the social construction of sex can be done in just a few sentences.

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[–] robot_dog_with_gun@hexbear.net 12 points 2 months ago

states of matter is a great analogy because there are way more than four of them too

[–] aaro@hexbear.net 14 points 2 months ago

jfc, "deeply unserious" is right trans-gun

[–] Hexboare@hexbear.net 12 points 2 months ago

as a medical professional sex is when I get out the big calipers and gender is when I get out the tiny fMRI calipers

[–] EllenKelly@hexbear.net 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)

If a trans person works as a post person, they have mail privilege, see, see?? Mail privilege is getting assaulted for having my hair out and holding hands with my bf, but i have a parcel waiting for me at home!

sorry you had that interaction Angel, you deserve better

[–] aaro@hexbear.net 11 points 2 months ago

jfc, "deeply unserious" is right trans-gun

[–] bubbalu@hexbear.net 10 points 2 months ago

"The difference between sex and gender? Well let's just say me and your mom didn't discuss sex last night." c:<

[–] PorkrollPosadist@hexbear.net 9 points 2 months ago

The "sex and gender" distinction

blob-no-thoughts

[–] WorkingClassCorpse@hexbear.net 7 points 2 months ago

It is so hard for cishets to break free from this thinking. They almost grasp the concept when they nominally understand 'gender' to be constructed and distinct from 'sex', but then make the same mistake as reactionaries by lumping some non-biological aspect of 'gender' back into 'sex' in a trans-exclusionary way. At-best they end up misunderstanding the trans experience in a deeply bigoted way, and at-worst they cynically use 'sex' as a biologically deterministic justification for transphobia and sexism.

'Sex' is almost not even worth preserving as a classification in people, except in some very specific medical treatment questions - but even then, to someone who is transitioned/transitioning many of those medical distinctions become blurred and nonrigid again.

This person sounds like a TERF to me, they can fuck off.

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

frankly i dont even like the designations like AMAB or 'biologically male'. i dont feel like im biologically male after 10+ years hrt. my body works very differently than it did before. im something in between sex wise

[–] Angel@hexbear.net 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

What I'm "in-between sex wise" is your mother's legs.

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 6 points 2 months ago

i'm really glad she's started to branch out but shes probably too old for you thonk

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