this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 29 comments
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[–] brlemworld@lemmy.world 49 points 1 month ago (5 children)

3 issues

  1. Not standing
  2. There are 5 of them
  3. Which Jesus?
[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 30 points 1 month ago (4 children)

#3 is clear. When Jesus enters the room, you get the fuck up.

That was a very unexpected and wild ride through Wikipedia.

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

When Jesus enters the room, you get the fuck up.

The same holds true for Martin Sheen:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKhTFDBj-rw

[–] JusticeForPorygon@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

When the president stands, nobody sits

[–] Alterforlett@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

Later that morning, Puke noticed that Allin still lay motionless in the same place where he had left him and posed for Polaroids with the corpse before calling for an ambulance.

Jesus Christ!

[–] user224@lemmy.sdf.org 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)

dir: Andrew Adamson

[–] gedaliyah@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Maybe the fifth one is Jesus?

[–] problematicPanther@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This reminds me of a joke:

Why didn't Jesus play basketball? Because soccer is a much more popular sport in Mexico.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

Not only does Jesus play basketball, he's a super dick about it:

[–] Paradachshund 5 points 1 month ago

Plot twist: the guy in the middle is jesus.

[–] realitista@lemm.ee 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I think that's somewhere in Luke.

[–] yemmly@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Plot twist: That’s not all that’s in Luke.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I don't know about Luke, but this is in Matthew (15:11)-

What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.

So swallow, don't spit.

[–] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What about what goes into, out of, and back into their mouth in rapid succession?

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

He didn't make a judgment there apparently.

[–] TachyonTele@lemm.ee 20 points 1 month ago

The guy in the middle can't tie his tie correctly. You don't leave it hanging on the side like that. I don't trust guys like that.

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 16 points 1 month ago (2 children)

They say that they will stand for Jesus, not that they're currently standing for Jesus.

[–] Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 4 points 1 month ago

It's always what they will do tomorrow and never what can be done today, amiright?

[–] YourNetworkIsHaunted@awful.systems 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I got all the way down on my one knee and nothing short of the second coming is gonna move me from this spot

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

Don't think you can swallow the first coming in time?

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Ok I think I've got it.

Jesus is like Voltron, the 3 dudes in the middle combine to form him.
And the 2 on the ends are the spiritual equivalent of two men each, which is why all the parts of Jesus are hanging out with them.

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 month ago

Of shit what if it's like Captain planet, and if they all stand up at the same time it'll summon Jesus?
They're not allowed standing because they don't want to trigger the rapture!

[–] johsny@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

There is a lot of moustache going on there.

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Two grinners, three sinners. Nothing odd there at all

[–] JaymesRS@literature.cafe 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Is this a proto-Piper Perri meme?

[–] synae@lemmy.sdf.org 3 points 1 month ago

They're waiting for Jesus' second coming